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The opening scene is mythicdusk in a lab coat, working with vials. He peers into his microscope and is overcome with shock. "By the nine!" he shouts, jumping back. "tehdevl! Come quick!"
tehdevl runs in and sees the excited scientist. "WAT?"
"I've done it," exclaims mythicdusk. "I've created..."
tehdevl waits with baited breath.
"I've created reanimated flesh!"
Thunderbolts race across the sky outside the lab's window.
"WAT" tehdevil declares again, more loudly.
The scientist rushes from the room to inform others of the discovery. In his absence, the clumsy assistant tehdevl goes to examine mythicdusk's desk. He knocks over the vial beside the microscope. The contents spill everywhere. Panicking, he cleans it up with a rag and tosses it carelessly into the trash.
blastizard roared dramatically as he swung his pimp cane from his only operational arm. His left arm hung limp at his side, most of the flesh stripped away, white bone peeking out into the sunlight. Before him stood boxdrop and *****************, his undead hoes. He hollared at them again. They had failed to bring him back any human flesh.
In a completely unexpected turn of events, radioactivesoda tumbled onto the scene, the sword he held clutched between his sweaty hands flailing through the air in the kind of way only someone entirely inexperienced in swordwork could pull off. But dammit, he had to try to end these foul creatures! With a lot of luck, one of his dramatic flails landed true, piercing through blastizard's neck cleanly. He gave the sword a sharp tug and the blaq zombie pimp's head fell with a wet squish to the ground.
boxdrop and ***************** looked ready to kill as they turned their milky-white sights to radioactivesoda and charged. ninjajunkie, from whom radioactivesoda had stolen the sword, ran toward them, yelling out, "THEY'RE RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!"
As in any good scary movie, this proved fatal to the both of them, and the two zombie prostitutes ate radioactivesoda and ninjajunkie to death.
That was the way of the world, three months after tehdevl's fatal mistake in the lab. Somewhere off in the distance, ccozensa, driven mad by water deprivation, found his way onto the street and began to roll around, shouting random numbers and names and words like "dubs" and "trips" and "check 'em" before he, too, was devoured by zombies.
katyy, the gayest and asianest man left in what was once north america before the zombocalypse, was having aggressive gay sex with his gay asian (but not as gay or as asian) lover ebbiecandie. They kind of figured, ****, it's the end of the world, might as well have hot sex. Which is the appropriate way to be thinking at the end of the world. Unknown to them, hiding in the closet was another survivor, wrinklynewt. He was filming the whole event. He's like that.
katyy kept thinking, even as she pounded into ebbiecandie relentlessly, that she had to avenge jellypiratedonut, who had died at the hands of the zombies just the week before becoming an hero as he saved katyy's life.
Commotion in the next room over made katyy and ebbiecandie (reluctantly) stop having gay asian sex and carefully check out what was happening. To their horror the found TonHyukOTP and infinities, two other gay asians, clearly nude and clearly having just been secretly having gay sex with each other, being torn apart maliciously by the zombie prostitutes boxdrop and *****************. And holy **** was there a lot of blood! ebbiecandie almost puked but katyy was able to control his emotions and put bullets into the backs of the zombies' heads. katyy rushed to TonHyukOTP's side and heard his gay asian friend/future wife mutter out a weak, "I... always... loved..." before a mouthful of blood was coughed onto katyy's nude torso and TonHyukOTP died. infinities was long dead.
katyy's eyes flashed as his resolve steeled. He would have his revenge.
deathkilledme was killed by death, of this everyone was sure. By the time the zombies got to him, it was too late. He had a twisted ankle and he'd been running low on clean drinking water so he was mildly deydrated. He couldn't even dream of outrunning them in his condition.
payhemseht had been called a lot of things in his life. Like "sick ****" and "oh my god pay what the **** is that" and "sexy beast." He sincerely hoped that if anyone had ever called him smart that they were double-thinking that assessment, as he got as close to deathkilledme's mauling as he could, filming the whole thing, a raging hard-on tenting the front of his bloodstained sweatpants.
When the zombies finished with deathkilledme, payhemseht got close to the action, filming the entirety of the bitten and bloodied and torn body. Half the face was missing. His whole left leg and most of his genitals were torn off, lying a few feet away. payhemseht chuckled and pulled another Pringle out of his pocked, sliding it into his mouth and chewing slowly as he sauntered off in search of more bodies.
twatman led Chicomole along by her hand as they made their way through the wasteland they had once called their hometown. A sudden sound to ther left made twatman drag Chicomole behind a nearby car. He looked around the side of the vehicle, waiting, until finally he saw what had made the niose - katyy and ebbiecandie, touting guns and other stuff typical of zobie slayers, had begun to walk down the street. Having not seen another live person in a week aside from his hot, busty, blind friend Chicomole, twatman jumped up immediately, calling out the signal that meant he was human and not a zombie: "OP is a faggot!"
katyy's eyes lit up and he dragged ebbiecandie toward the man. twatman pulled Chicomole to her feet and told her, "There's two asian men. Not zombies. I think they're gay." He waved to katyy and ebbiecandie.
As they gay couple stopped in front of the other pair (presumably hetero), they all kind of smiled awkwardly in that "I guess we'll be friends since none of us want to eat each other" kind of way. It was mutually and silently decided that they would travel together.
Chicomole held tightly to twatman's hand. He was all she had left, she thought to herself, her ample chest heaving with her breaths. Well, and now these two gay asian heroes.
trainerredd gave exactly zero ***** in this world. All had been lost. And now, all that mattered was survival. Sometimes she found herself wondering if even that mattered anymore.
She had just gotten through kicking the asses of two zombies outside of a burning building when she heard the cry.
The cry of a child. Young. Alive.
Without a second thought, trainerredd rushed into the building and deftly avoided falling debris to find the crying child. Finally, she found the kid, tucked under a table, crying. Grabbing the small figure, she flew from the building just as it caved in. Outside, she was faced by yet another zombie, whom she immediately took out with a handgun.
The child was shaking, so she knelt down and said soothingly, "I'm redd."
"Sh-shrike," came the shaky reply.
katyy had seen this zombie before. He wasn't like the others. He was stronger, faster... In charge.
GoatmanIII, for his part, knew his intellect was beyond that of a traditional zombie, even more than blastizard who had been a pretty smart zombie pimp before his decapitation. This human, the one standing before him, he had seen before. He was not yet ready to face him. And so, with his right-hand-zombie-slash-gay-zombie-lover klaviko at his side, he retreated, leaving two zombie lackeys behind to do as they pleased with the group. erosannin and dreadedfate grunted lowly before charging at the group.
wrinklynewt, who had found his way back to katyy and ebbiecandie after they'd parted ways before, dragged Chicomole off as katyy and ebbiecandie tore dreadedfate to shreds. twatman faced off with erosannin, their bodies thrashing violently together in a confusing mix of limbs and flesh, some fresh and some rotting. A gunshot was heard, and the back of erosannin's head flew into the air before landing in front of payhemseht's feet.
payhemseht chuckled and nudged the bit of skull with his foot before bringing his camera away from the chunk of flesh and up to his surroundings. His lens locked with wrinklynewt's. For a long moment, neither could look away.
twatman shoved the re-dead zombie off himself and dusted himself off as he got to his feet.
payhemseht silently joined their group as they continued on down the road.
"Eep!" cried chrisfloyd as she ducked behind IShatBrix. IShatBrix rolled his eyes as the zombie ambled toward them. That was so like his ex-wife chrisfloyd, she was even scared of the slow, dumb ones. Reaching behind himself, IShatBrix pulled out his two guns, named "Dubs" and "Wingman," and gunned down the oncoming zombie with ease.
"You alright, babe?" he asked, turning.
"Fine..." she murmured. She had been on the edge since this whole "end of the world zombocalypse" thing had started, aand maybe, just maybe she would give IShatBrix another chance... She looked into his eyes, ignoring the stubble he'd allowed to sprout on his chin, ignoring the bags under his eyes. She had wanted him once, before the divorce, before the fighting, before zombies... She could want him again. Just as she leaned in, the corner of her vision caught sight of the oncoming zombie. "BRIX!" She shouted, jumping back.
He was almost tempted to chuckle at her overreaction, turning to see what slow-mover had found them now. But this time, it was GoatmanIII and klaviko. His heart leapt to his throat as he grabbed "Wingman" and felt the weapon fall from his grasp. Desperately, he pulled out "Dubs," aimed, pulled the trigger... and the damn thing jammed.
He barely let out a scream before he and his ex were ravaged by the two gay zombies.
twatman was limping. The futher they went, the more obvious it became. Chicomole had moved to hold onto wrinklynewt's arm instead, made uneasy by his uneven strides. katyy called the party to a halt beneath the shade of an unbloodied tree. "twatman, what's wrong?" he asked, his barely noticeable Korean accent somehow a comfort to his gay lover ebbiecandie.
"N-nothing," he stuttered, trying to urge the group onward.
"If you hurt yourself I need to check it out," katyy insisted. "We can't have you getting it infected and getting a fever, or worse, turning into one of them," he gestured toward a re-dead zombie less than twenty feet away. payhemseht had already scampered off to film it. wrinklynewt left chicomole to follow payhemseht.
"I'm fine," twatman replied tersely.
Chicomole hated his tone of voice, and laid her soft hand on his arm. "Can we go talk?" she asked kindly. twatman looked at her hard, before relenting. He led them from the group slowly, not stopping until they were well out of earshot. "You got bit," her words were not a question but a statement.
"No, I'm -"
"You have to tell them."
"I'm not leaving you!" twatman shouted. "Chicomole! I've always loved y--" His eyes went suddenly wide, and a cry tore from his throat.
"T... twatman?" she asked out carefully, now afraid."
"Run," was the last thing he said before he fell to the ground, screaming.
Run she did. Blind, she prayed she wouldn't be hurt or worse. But before she could get very far, the now-undead twatman grabbed her from behind. Her flimsy top tore at the buttons and fell from her body like tissue paper. She fell to the ground with twatman on top of her, her full breasts bouncing on impact. twatman growled and buried his teeth into the flesh of her right breast. Her following scream was silenced when his mouth found her throat and tore that away as well.
ebbiecandie delivered the fatal bullet to twatman's brain. payhemseht kept filming.
(THE MUCH-AWAITED DEATH OF JJBEEST. WARNING: ANTICLIMACTIC)
GeneralLeeInsane had only one mission - destroying jjbeest. It wasn't that he had to protect himself or anything, jjbeest wasn't a zombie or anything dangerous at all. He just really hated jjbeest. And so, ignoring the calamity of the world outside, he trapped jjbeest in a basement with himself, set up explosives, and let the place turn to rubble.
jraty and mrjazzles had been friends since kindergarten. In junior high, they'd had crushes on the same girl. That had been their only fight in fourteen years of friendship. Now, trapped inside jraty's house and out of any sustenance except the bottle of Jack Daniels in mrjazzles's hand, they realized it was do or die time.
mrjazzles poured them each a shot. They held them up, and jraty said, "may the odds be ever in our favor."
mrjazzles seriously wanted to punch him in the face for that. Instead, he took his shot. They both put down their empty glasses and got to their feet, positioning their guns in front of them. They were completely surrounded by the zombies now. There was no way out but through them. They shared a long look before charging, one after the other, out the front door, bullets flying.
In all, they managed to take out ten zombies total before they were pulled into pieces.
masterofmemes had worked a long time in preparation of this moment. He had spent all his time since the outbreak genetically modifying the zombie gene. Most people thought masterofmemes was trying to develop the cure. Most people were wrong.
He slid the sheet off of trippytrips. Her nude form glowed pale in the lab's light. And masterof memes had to admit to himself that the penis he'd fashioned her with looked too dark for her. But he couldn't very well have penisless gay rapist zombies. That would be silly. He stepped from the room when he heard a knock at his door.
trippytrips slowly awoke. She had no trouble tearing out of her restraints. Soon, she'd uncovered prestigepaperz and awesomeninjathing and undone their restraints as well. All three had hunger and lust in their eyes.
There was a commotion out front, and the three genetically altered gay rapist zombies heard zephos cry out, "We know what you've been doing!"
kuntbag followed that up with, "We won't let you unleash those monsters on ths world!" A scuffle ensued, and the zombies made their way to the front room.
When their eyes found the three men on the ground, they knew what they wanted, and took it. A whole lot of raping and consuming and screaming and bleeding ensued. When they'd finished, the zombies left behind three corpses and made their way onto the street outside the house.
The gay rapist zombies made quick work of the next two they came across, two teenagers with baseball bats named sexi mexi and obediantflyer. There seemed to be a mutual understanding between the three that the teenagers had felt and tasted much better. Younger was better, they seemed to conclude. So they figured they were in luck when they came across trainerredd and shrike.
trainerredd pushed shrike behind herself as she faced the three zombies, her weapons drawn. She had taken on two zombies at once before, but never three. And these three seemed smarter than the others. And a lot more naked.
awesomeninjathing stepped forward just slightly, his eyes glowing as he looked between trainerredd's knees at shrike. trainerredd shot without hesitation, landing the bullet directly between awesomeninjathing's eyes. The zombie fell to the ground. The other two charged.
katyy and ebbiecandie ran up then, having been just around the corner when the shots were fired. Each aimed his weapon at a zombie; each hit their target perfectly. payhemseht was literally feet behind them and still moving forward, passing them to get a better shot of the bodies.
"Holy ****," trainerredd announced.
"Have you seen a zombie and his zombie boyfriend around here?" katyy asked without pretense.
trainerred nodded. "I can show you where."
payhemseht and wrinklynewt took up the rear of the group as they ventured on.
PART XIII (FINAL)
GoatmanIII had been expecting the hoarde of humans to show up. He had been waiting for them. In his dingy room in the basement of an abandoned house, he reclined in his chair, petting klaviko's hair where his undead lover sat on the floor beside the chair. He heard their footsteps in the room above. Then the voice of the girl, trainerredd, "I see them come in and out of here all the time."
The group didn't wander much before realizing they had to check the basement. But only three of the siz sets of feet made their way down the stairs. GoatmanII felt a little disappointed.
katyy, ebbiecandie, and trainerredd stood their ground as they positioned themselves in the basement, facing the two zombies who had stood to face them as well. katyy shuddered at the look on GoatmanIII's face, all lust and hunger and depravity.
The basement door cracked open and two cameras slid inside, capturing everything on film.
klaviko was the first to move, lunching at katyy. ebbiecandie was quick to land three bullets into his head. but the zombie kept fighting. katyy shot him from below. Meanwhile, trainerredd was left to fend against GoatmanIII alone. She wounded him badly in the side but was ultimately overwhelmed, his teeth sinking into her tender neck and tearing out her jugular.
katyy screamed as he riddled klavico with more bullets. The zombie finally succumbed and slumped to the side. ebbiecandie had turned and shot GoatmanIII between the eyes. He crumpled to the ground.
ebbiecandie turned back to katyy, grabbing him and asking, "Are you alright?"
katyy smiled at his lover, trying to say he was fine, but the words wouldn't come out. Then his eyes closed. ebbiecandie released a soul-shattering cry.
With shrike peeking between their knees, wrinklynewt and payhemseht caught it all on tape.
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