The following content contains spoilers for the movie
Bridge to Terabithia. If you do not want spoilers then go
away and recesses your priorities. It' s Bridge to Terabithia
for fucks sake. This shit isn' t exactly as Clockwork Change'
Look at this shit. It' s so uninspired Michael bay watches it to raise his .)
so I was watching this movie on the request of a friend
who saw it torn to shreds in a review. Because I have a
younger sibling to entertain I figured I' d give it a go.
Suffice it to say I was unimpressed and frankly I' m just
relieved my sis was asleep before the third act.
The reason being this little bit of . Look at her.
Just look at her. There isn' t a single aspect of this girl that
doesn' t scream both "perfection" and "impending tragic
death". She even wears a with angel wings on it.
There' s symbolism and then there' s rubbing your face in
it and when 'it' is the death of a little girl it gets kinda
Shamalan wouldn' t put it in his oh who am I kidding he
Far from being upset at losing the character I was curious
as to how obvious it was that she was going to die. Most
know there are certain headlights to avoid when
it comes to characters that are dead giveaways as to
wether or not they' re going to die in the film. Some films
buck the trends but I' found there' s a number of quirks
that dictate how sure to die the character is.
So, since movies are perfectly representative of reality I'
decided to make a little list of elements that will make
you more/ less likely to die. Take it as red that you start
with ten points and then we' ll see how likely you are to die
The less points you have, the less likely you are to die.
You are a sexy woman - 5
You are a sexy man in a film + 5
You are black
You' re black but there' s one other black guy who is an
asshole - 7
You wear any kind of clothing with + 10
You' re funny - 2
You think you' re funny and you really aren' t + 5
You are a female virgin " 5
You are a male virgin + 2
You are a happy person + 2
That happiness comes from the misery of others + 5
The has a or special handshake
just for you + 20
You are a beloved fan character - 4
In Game of Thrones + 54
You are played by an actor that nobody likes - 10
Yoy are played by Leonardo Decaprio + 10
You are played by Sean Bean + 100
You give at least one motivational speech in the movie + 7
other people look up to you + 10
You are the for the main character + 50
You are one week from retirement + 20
You are two days from retirement + 50
You are the villain + 40
In Game of thrones Pm 60
You are a nerd - 5
In an action movie + 10
You are a hobbit - 200 (surprisingly resilient little wig Hers)
The demographic of the movie is below twelve - 10
You are the parent to the main character + 20
You are some other form of legal guardian + 10
You' re an asshole + 20
You are in Dragonball Z + co