Afrer I retired, my wife insired that I accompany her on her trips to
Unfortunately, like moa men, I find shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get cut. , my wife is like moa women -
she navesto browse.
Yeserday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
Dear Firs. Woolf,
Over the part six months, 3-‘ Elf husband has caused quite a comotion in
cur awe. We canna tolerate this behavior and have been forced to
ban bah am from the awe. Our complaints againa 3-‘ Elf husband,
Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are ‘documented by cur video
L litlle 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in aha
people' s carts when they weren' t looking.
2. : Set all the alarm clocks in to go off at 5-
a. mlpr' 7: He made atrial on the floor leading to the
women' s tearoom.
a. Ely lg: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, ‘Code a in , Get on it right away‘. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned main and receive from
that in turn resulted in management getting involved
causing management to lose time and cooing the company money.
5. August W. Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve abaj of
G. August la: Moved a ‘ - WET FLOOR‘ sign to a carpeted area,
I Angus 15: Set up atend in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they cauld come in bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
B. Anglia 23: When a clerk med ifthey cauld help him he began
crying and screamed, Tthe can' t 3-‘ Ell peopleare leave me alone?‘
g. September w. Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
IO. September IO: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October B: Darted aradani the Store while lucidly
humming the I Mission Impossible‘ theme.
12. October E: In the auto department, he practiced his _'
brusing different sizes .
October 13: Hid in a blahing rack and when people browsed
yelled ‘PICK ME'. PICK ME'.'
14. October 22: When an came over the laid speaker, he
ammused the fetal position and screamed ‘OH Nty. IT' S THOSE VOICEE
15. Took ahac of condoms to the checklist clerk and asked where the
fitting room was.
And lard:, hut nu‘. leae:
IS. October 23: Went into abetting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled , ‘Hey! There' s no toilet paper in
One ofthe Staff passed cut.
I wonder if I' ll have to go along on many more shopping trips?