It' s the second resurection of Christ. Before the world ends he wants
to take in some fishing. So he gets his mend Moses and they head up
to Minnesota to fish. They are about to rent a canoe when Moses says:
Jesus, can' t you still walk on water? Why not just walk out there?"
So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps onto the lake.... and falls
knee deep in water.
Moses says, "Well.... maybe you need a head start or something, why not
go to the end of the dock and try."
So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps off the end of the dock and
falls up to his waist.
Moses says, " Well why not rent the boat, go out to the center of the
lake and try there."
So they rent the boat and go to the middle of the lake, Jesus is about
to step off and try again when...
Moses says, "Wait. Just to be safe, why not get yourselfkill the state
of mind you were in the first time you did it."
So Jesus sets down, meditates for a few minutes, and finally he' s all
psyched up, and steps out ofthe canoe .... ..and precedes to drown.
So Moses does the water parting thing, and pulls Jesus up into the boat.
Jesus is just beating over this. He just doesn' t see what' s
going wrong here. Moses just stares down at the bottom of the boat.
Suddenly, Moses says, "I got it! Throw what' s wrong! Did you have those
holes in your feet last time? I. '? I. "
was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the
edge, off. So I ran over and said, "Stoel Don' t do itl" “Why
shouldn' t I'?" he said. I said, “Well, there' s so much to live fora“ He said,
Like what?‘ I said, “Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said,
Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said,
Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said,
Protestant." I said, Me tool Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said,
Baptiste" I said, "IA/ cm/ l. Me tool Are your Baptist Church of God or
Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!“ I said, "Me
too! Are your Foriginal Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist
Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!“ I said, "Me
too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1819, or
Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of "1( Y'S?" He said,
Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of "1( ." I said, "Die,
heretic scorns." and pushed him off.
21. None of that annoying checkign procedure like with St. Peter.
20. Due to recent health code changes, vats of boiling brimstone now use canola oil.
19. Your "Do you smell something huming?" slays 'em, year after year.
18. Plenty of legal help available for filing "wrongful death" lawsuit.
17. Newly passed law: Three strikes and you' re back in LA.
16. Satan' s confessed attempts to torture masochists can be highly entertaining.
15. No need to pack the parka over Bob Dole? election chances.
13. Free prostate checks and PAP smears administered daily!
12. The surprisingly entertaining "Hitler and Kathie Lee Show. "
11. Every Thursday is Karaoke Night, hosted by Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr.
10. Prizes awarded for best crank phone calls to God.
9. Everywhere you look, there' s a smoking section!
S. Big step up from Bakersfield.
7 Your little "blue flame" trick now produces spectacular results.
6. Free Microsoft software for everyone (as per agreement made back in early SITE.
5. Now that you' followed her advice, you just might get that date with Cindy Crawford.
l 52 ' channels of Jim Carey!
3. Saturday night W INF bout between Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, and Hitler.
2. Everyone gets a length of pipe and a daily crack at Nancy Kerrigan' s knee.
1. Fortune to be made on "Welcome, DJ." .