Best Quotes by .
umwut jg yum
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over,
there' s nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."
l came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in
some cement and felt another hand."
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a
toastbeard a radio."
l have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats
l looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."
l remembering time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece
of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
l told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a
psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing
a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke
Tm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don' t know if
I' m coming or going."
it wasn' t for I' d have no sex life at all."
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked
me as a friend."
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a
second opinion. He said ookay, you' re ugly too.' "
My uncle' s dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in
the electric chair."
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always
l tell ya, I' m not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker, I dropped my
pants... she dropped her price."
I told my psychiatrist that I was suicidal. I have to pay in