LET' ti? fiht) lifa
RE THE FIRST HUMAN
EVER TO MAKE ALIEN CONTACT
AGREE THIS WOULD BE
GREAT JOB SO FAR!
I test. it' s generally
among that in generations .
to come. " at history would "
be divided Into ' _
Instead or the as t
so. to out It one trien-
you‘ re going to he the most
on person In HIE“.
on bigger titan Jessie.
The day you matte contact villi litre on. through all
dilutes and , floras" were ,
BUT TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT THAT
You get narration and starlets up All keep
ahaw '* noroi.
FIRST THINGS FIRST:
HOLD THE @# STILL
all It MEET. a must we when a
tiled. They knew this is what nan -were organisms. do
Holding still is the birst thing you and to do to show that
we' re worth our weight in nag!
Also. some basic atelier will all you why you don' t
need to panic: Between the Insane rate technology
advances. and the massive of time a species must
artist to travel interstellar space. the odds that we
that ; y 5. tittel who who aliens are
roughly shooters tobin Thin! outloud: this I It won' t be
lasers ‘ire- machine guns ' it' ll be more the "nuclear
troopers its 'tle',','"; The that that you' re sell also will
meant stag . ,
new I is not not who to happen- Home and more
this out .
Darth parole trillion you one them, ‘they' re going to loot‘.
weird. if they have p I bodies at all. may misty won' t
look like why that as ever evolved on Earth, Hold still,
be deliberate. and react cautiously.
NEXT UP: FINDING A MEDIUM
TO COMMUNICATE THROUGH
Th won' t language. and heat be able to
mess your thou is. may night not
h it'. . Witt treaty not even new ttm" We
taint re h. when language. with its tickle syntax. won' t
do. Feel , the
aliens a general that for how we sound. You worth be able
lit ht writing
things down is r best bet. 'Nu can tell ether they
respond to a light ham out their technology. is
in is lobed. or decorated
no on Titers 1, ,' iii? is, need to use rocks. or other
You should Webb LINN your
the t' emboar some that the so " y
into our unmissable digits.
no YOU SPEAK IT?!
c it a com ate ,
aliens won' t who agents was. but
titty' ll sure as shit knew his theorem. right triangle trill
share our alien visitors. without any doubt. that nature are
new a it ht triangle. I not
them get the the reaction I WI
love drab Forget Lrg',,'', or
do the aliens only " to "
gamma radiation? than
you ll need to matte do. an a dollar bill and alanine coinage?
get creative. Fold JIM bill as
your coins as shown In the an
step to prove your mastery at the basics
or m it may
he pr a one it a your
test, league. 'IIN that had: Se would .
we most who in
Ctfu. maul- Hyatt contents. or metre nitrite in
ll 1- on something like we might semen:
assume or mastery of
h hesitant auu' glt the ' 5:
was tail new utilizar-
tonne when and with any .. . .
lush. they can begin using our " y:
carnelian numeral system tote“: tll ' i
logic. They might was loose "
dons to you. ranging from u.
describing Fl. to radiating -are t
rho numbers. to in -
ands whine. it you dart
know. inhuman rapein some
kand oi obviates have no ','' get?, gt so they can tel
when you' re in my our r h I highly suggest
you , yours»; with been em and algebra
now, so you thart' Earth loot: unto by not
how to ' the telemeter at a toggle’ uncle it you' re one are
person they abduct
tif ENEMIES STUFF
They went than who Einstein wait. out ti' new about
role . _ they worn out it "Mentors Laws'', but Artair‘ it
than it out the energy- may out know
the risotto Lea. but it knew Hydrogen has one proton.
Th wont Intent our religions. but 1: l' tray's know at is
minim with neutral , They' ll be familiar with
binary. tsl/ ,') be arm and Does. it dismissed a
message y we hectare. resonating. s no .
is our ‘one’. A good universal constant to bring up will be
the , minder wort'
hand or a “second” Is. merit Ola
operators. but they won' t new " , "J. '9. etc. Ytou' need
to do it few sample with problems in them to retest on,
unearthed our one
than . out your
some are: Do not when alien tees
NOW FOR THE
At title NH. he aliens trill new new
somewhat . hut tars tone it some
shower- !s/ iirc', l, this up lull most ' t bivalve
title things: who our desire to learn em
them. and a " as their spokesperson for the
rest ofthe titrated.
Draw something similar to what' s on the left
here. " let the visitors how that we understand
mum. Malta an orbit around the third dot
from the sun: That way ‘ll new we under-
stand aur plane. were we y. really Important.
Felon notto Malt the orbit out oval. not o circle
Arid don' t Essie tty in that) s. Thrill!
probably isn' t so , to aliens as It is to LIS.
i: towns have motivated our new
in the universe is ,',,t' ' ; TNS will show
aliens that were serious. s
learn more about the themes.
o. and willing to
DAMNED 'iic) t: 7
lathe eyes retest} and wit them the
universe was created for us.
estimate’ entree In last: The bar by which all a on races
maestro , on personally believe we were
lite above. showing an 'strag- in menu
a human being. Don' t fall the karmic
that in our entire species. okay‘?
TIME TO GET OUTTA
t) We that , DIN OW the tammy
human to WW live. 'fowl, be Hid EDIE WHO?
for We alien feted. " keep this it mind:
Get dropped off in a major city
you' re able by to direct the
to drop u oil In the nearest mallard .Tails' ll
be .' entire
is, other north or south are or tolerate and
landlords. with are hands is also not
friend here. T out the local
landscape or 1' allu', as I rally as s-
silla. Tail would be made oh
They shared pick up on this.
Involve the local news
don' t ‘hold out" will are tell: to the president.
or sorriest' tta; tcg dumb ll diet. Titers are a
of Interns parties I local. misery. new
only screw you If they
gentle malice. Make sure every =', t' l" rtt
your Flatten. every newspaper the
sitars are mm. and every media outlet
linens yous a homer
r’ up in an extraordinary animus.
Seriously? No pop culture refers notes
tla like "' RE THING LIKE " -
berg doesn' t deserve that. Keep your
first. immortal wards simple:
TEE Emmi‘. ‘we' inside contact‘. you
know. that' ll go on is plaque. if
the It off I to I mum:
start run or attempt
when the bit at you s'' ' ii'' freshmen
he' ll probably be killed
1, . ‘rout! be the most
human on Earth, and no matter what you do.
you' ll be enemy controversial. There are
simply he triers! subversive parties who will
want you daa for whatever roman and
theft! most likely soonest! evantually. There
in traut; do shoutouts one sonny.
Reproduce as much as possible
Have a bunch of menu lithe. alerts are
b we breugo I ht be e I ted
the hind Ital', in his mm.
of HIM} l has is
good " us It' ll keep
GOOD LUCK AND DON' T FUCK THIS UP FOR US