Some of my Favorite One Liners
Some of My Favorite One Liners
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn' t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for
You do not need a parachute to Skydive, You only need a parachute to Skydive twice.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
I didn' t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
If winning isn' t everything why do they keep score?
This girl rang me up one time, she says "come over, nobody is home", I went over, no one was home!
Depression is just anger without enthusiasm.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way. when you Insult him, you' ll be a mile
away, and have his shoes.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Having sex is We playing bridge. If you don' t have a good partner, you' d better have a good hand.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather” Not screaming and yelling like the passengers
in his car.