dafuc): y/ dstt' a
HER: He' s always talking diy/ s/ n to r' rle
INV/ IE:, / y/ sigh' its called being
condescending but I doubt you /
that, Karengrabs at dentist convention]
AGREED WITH THE OTHER 4-
ITS) ALL LIES-Ilt! Milfy (c',: keet
intall! , (g) Ieatpotato
accountant: "youre basically broke"
wife: "he keeps spending rrk) rle! l/ on
me: "lets ask the dog if he thinks his
jeans are stupid"
44/ SM . 27 Oct 15p) etting dogs?
NV/ , That is correct.
Boss;: [visibly excited] vvr-)/ Velit' S this little
james tta.eric c
BOSS: sir your resume is just a hand
drawn picture of (ciivil guy doing sick Bk/ IX
BC) Snaiiy. [under his breath] holy shitastia
of hobbies that say "Oh hell yeah" after
themME: honor i couldn' t have committed
the murder, i / as; with rall/ girlfriend
JUDGE: lets hear from LII"
rrp/ la)/ s/ y/ tiia''" adjusts his blond wig]Ill s eric c
frogs are bullshit. thtt/ requst fucked up
fixin, i dont believe in frogs
Zookeeper: sir no ; asking you to
put the gun )/ nkeet
guy at seaworthy "it' s cross between an
eel and a shark, we' re asking everyone to
pick til barrle for him"
me: "sharkweek o' neah"Todd 'Papi' Carlos tta,
anchor tattoo is SO realistic I can' t get
out of the bathtub.Floyd
DATE: (SK) lvl/ hart do you do?
IE: ‘mulls out painting* I' m (an artist
ME: Oh that' s not mine 'pulls out
coloring book* These are mineTc'. chouch
i don' t believe in ghosts but vs/ a
crumpled up plastic bottle in rrly
trashcan r' stickes a popping sound i
believe for a couple! secskeet
ii) Keltec) tato
what' s your truest cherished "
looks at ll'' Tll/ wife and baby in crowd with
leans into mic]
i heard a dog laugh onceill! Ollie Garsh
1 st date]
Me: "Nice to meet you, This is gonna be
Her: "What' s update?"
tsaot much, date. What' s LIP) withkeet
genie: "mats definitely your last wish?"
t" rlly. [smiles at rall/ wife in wheelchair]
our dog: "how can i talk all of a sudden?"
10: Jan mycop pulls rrk! over“
COP: please blow into this, sir
ME: ‘Ways trumpet p) pefectly" k
COP: okay you' re definitely, sober and
Scones Mortensen tlt.keet
with extra mice
rice or mice"
we don- are u a snake"
Vs/ teii! cant deliver to tail snake"
d' you )/ / long it took to dial this
COP: F( / vvh)/ I pulled you over?
IE: l/ l/ tis I speeding?
the backseat. Can I pet him?hiil ii Floyd
WIFE: 1/ Etj promised not to spend the
lottery winnings ''"') something stupid
ME: *climbing off r' rlly' nii?)/ V He
has a !, KarenJ... Marlon Blanda tdt.
ME: hey' I' m taking a sick day,
BOSS: but you don' t [) v/ toimii! a cold or
INV/ IIE: not that kind of sick nerd "'kickflips
7: 21 Pi/ Jan 16keet
neighbour: [knocks at door] "your dog
Iv/ vas barking at this morning"
rraiin. "its like he has no concept of
time"walking in park]
date: "impress me"
me: "i can talk to animals"
date: "prove it"
r' rotini!,', [to duck] "hello b/ fucking duck"