Ignore this post, i just need to cast this into the void.
Its not worth talking to friends about it, I dont want to make this a vague post on socials and be forced to field inevitable questions.
I have a super crush on my co-worker.
My last girlfriend was over 5 years ago and I havent been attracted to anyone like this since.
The problem is shes taken; she has a boyfriend, they share an apartment, and she has a promise ring on.
Pretty damn iron clad if you ask me (not that i would ever try to be "the other guy")
But the way she talks to me and acts around me and acts with me, I know shes just being friendly, but I so want to believe its something else (but I won't, I refuse to analyze it because SHES TAKEN...i remind myself)
She and I are the only 'young people' in the office so it makes sense why we have natural camaraderie.
Shes just so awesome (despite what comes next, im constantly aware of not putting her on a pedestal): shes fit, shes stylish, has the cutest fringe with long wavy hair, light complexion, a variety-game streamer in her off time but mains CoD and FPS, has thick internet skin, and, last week, LITERALLY asked me the one question we all dream girls asking us: "Hey Oubliette, have you ever played the Fallout series?" Que the next few hours us talking about FO2 all the way to the disaster of 76.
Her perfume slinks its way into my cubicle every so often, and I hate that I love the scent.
And today....she just randomly started showing me memes she's saved on her phone...
Last year I finally found out how to be content with my own company. I was happy to being alone. Had no need, no longer had that frantic desperate urge to "find my One"
But now.....she has shown me the weakness still inside....
I am resolved to just continue to be a good guy, a good friend, and good coworker. To not look into it for "hidden meanings" that arent there. To just enjoy having a friend, a contemporary....and....yea.....yeah...
/rant