This will be the first content that I've uploaded on here. I've had an account for almost two and a half years. I'm usually just a lurker and every once in a while I will comment on something. I have nobody to talk to right now, and you guys have always made me smile when my life gets hard, and I have a few things i want to get off my chest.
I am 19 years old and in my second year of college, and I am incredibly lonely. At the time that I am writing this, I am alone in my dorm room, drinking whiskey, and listening to music. I'm in a bad place mentally right now. Last year around this time of year, I went through some bad depression, and I thought about suicide all the time. I went through some counseling, and I managed to pull myself out of it. I started playing rugby and it literally saved my life. Me and my teammates became brothers and I love them all. But I can feel myself falling back into my depression. I feel so alone. I met a girl and she is amazing. We had kind of a fling for a couple weeks, and it was the best few weeks of my life. The only issue is that she is still in love with her ex. And that is what she told me when I expressed my feelings for her. Last night she went on a date with another guy, after she told me she didn't want to be with me because she still had feelings for her ex. I'm completely heartbroken. She knows how I feel about her and she told me that she was going to hangout with this guy. It's just a horrible feeling to know that you will never be the guy that she wants. It's killing me inside. This has happened to me to many times.
I've made tons of friends, but none that I can tell this too. My friends back home are drifting away from me to the point where they don't even answer my messages. One of my best friends from high school now completely ignores me. I'm not close enough to my friends here at school to keep me from feeling lonely. I am sick of putting more effort into the friendship than everyone else. Just for once, I want to be the one that gets the "Hey, lets hangout" text first. I feel like no one cares enough to notice what's happening and ask about it. I just want someone to talk to.
On top of this, my grades in school are slipping. Last year, I got A's and B's in most of my classes with the occasonal C here and there. Now I have lost all motivation and I don't know how many of my classes I'm going to pass this semester. I just don't know what to do.
I've never drank alone guys. I always felt like that is a sad thing to do. But I've decided that I'm a sad person. I'm sick of this guys.
TL;DR The girl of my dreams is in love with another guy, my friends are drifting away from me, and I"m starting to fail school.
I'm drunk, lonely, and sad at 930 on a Sunday night, and I have no idea what to do. I have my family, but I don't want to make them worry again by telling them all of this. I'm starting to think about suicide again. I just want someone to knock on my door, just because they wanted to talk to me. I'm not looking for thumbs, I just wanted to get this off my chest.
I love you guys and thanks for listening.
The picture is pretty much how I feel almost everyday.