This is the fourth and final installment of my first campaign! This group is playing d&d 3.5 and it consists of the following:
>Achilles, Human Fighter, played by me
>Hexblade Changeling, played by Jill
>Borklord, Human Mage, wielder of the magic toad, played by Kevin
>Nigress the Great, Human Fighter, wielder of the 6 foot penis, played by John
We had made some significant progress, but none of us really had any games planed. We got this one together last minute when Jill said she had a friend who DM's. She talked him up so we figured he'd be a great DM and provide us a game exprience we haven't had yet. Well, we we're half right.
The DM, named Nick, comes in without really introducing himself apart from saying hi to Jill, and begins setting up. We all just silently sit their awkwardly as he scribbled on his graph paper and got out mini's. Now, I'm not normally one to judge people based on their appearance or mannerisms, but this guy was to the very core a neckbeard, before the term had even become popular. It was all made worse by his lisp and arrogant attitude. We all kind of kid along and he seems to be warming up a bit. He asks us what our characters are, and John seems a little hesitant to explain his. We change the subject and decide to start.
>DM: "You're all in the king's city and guards drag you before the king,"
>Everybody looks at eachother with confusion
> "Wait, what city?"
> "We have a king?"
> "They didn't have to drag us,"
> DM: "Just roll with it, and yes they did becuase you all committed and are being charged with horrible crimes,"
> You could hear the sound of everybodies butthole clench
> We never had a dick as a DM before, but the single act of not honoring the group's former games then making us criminals set the mood for the night
> "Fine, lets just keep going,"
> Story exposition, blah blah monsters are attacking, blah blah, different dimension, blah blah magic item that gets you there
> Got it, go there, find monsters, kill them. No problem.
> We venture to the part of the city he described and we find an old woman
> "You've got to help us! Monsters are attacking us!"
> A dimensional maruader appears and attacks the group, retreating after being wounded to another dimension
> DM: "What do you do?"
> "We follow him!"
> DM: "The king only gave you two magical amulets to follow him, only two of you can go after it,"
> Borklord and hexblade agree to go after it since they are the amulets can only be used by magic casters
> I glare at john
> We sit for about a half hour before becoming bored while the other two play
> "Hey John,"
> "You know what I don't get? So these monsters could have attacked anywhere, right?"
> "Well I mean, this old lady has just been standing here, before we got here, and shes still here, right DM?"
> DM: "Uhh yea sure,"
> John looks at me wide eyed
> I look at dm
> "I attack the old lady,"
> dm: "YOU WHAT"
> "It's obvious that there is no other reason these monster's are attacking this city. This old lady has been sitting here watching the attacks unfold and hasn't gone for help. She hasn't even left after four armed people have arrived to address the situation. If the city guards couldn't handle it, then there must be someone orchestrating the events. Plus, I'm already a criminal charged for horrible crimes, what's one more count of murder if I can save several lives."
> I roll the dice highly and kill the woman
> DM is furious
> John looks at me
> John: "I have sex with the dead body,"
> "That's a bit extreme, Achilles leaves in disgust,"
> DM, now losing it: "TWENTY GUARDS ARE COMING YOUR WAY,"
> "Book it dude, we saved the town! Now let's leave!"
> "Yea, Nigress and Achilles run away,"
> DM: "The Gods curse you. You are dead."
> "You can't kill Achilles! Achilles runs off into the sunset!"
> Me and John joke about what our characters do, DM is fuming
> Kevin and jill kill the monster to return to find the dead lady
The DM practically storms out and we go to play some Heroscape. Jill is super pissed and doesn't talk to us the rest of the night. Our adventures end, but for me there would be many more campaigns to come.