Ok, back again with a bit more D&D stuff! Last time I told you about the Ranger's incident with the goblin, this time I'll be telling you about the Cleric and our messy sorceror.
Our Dwarven Cleric, named Thorin is a devout worshipper of Thor, casts many lightning based spells and strongly believes in the idealogy of hit without being hit, because he hates wasting spells on healing. So as these guys are adventuring, the player playing our Cleric (let's call him thunderguts) suddenly gasps and has a small freak out. I ask him what's up and he just shakes his head and giggles. I figure we'll find out soon enough, so we push on. The party was travelling between town and a banshee lair, and it was their 3rd day on the road. Finally I get a roll which leads to a random encounter, and six hobgoblins attempt to ambush them but fail their stealth checks so the whole party sees them fumbling in the bushes 20ft ahead of them. Everyone rolls initiative, you know the drill.
All six hobgoblins fan out to block the road, jeering and baiting the players. Our cleric rolls the 2nd-highest initiative, behind one of the hobgoblins. The hobgoblin whips out his bow, and fires directly at the cleric. He puffs his chest out, proud of his 18AC and promptly takes an arrow to the gut.
Thorin is not a patient dwarf. Despite his limitless optimism, an arrow had somehow struck him. He took great offence to this. He turns to the party and simply says "stay back". He then sprints DIRECTLY into the MIDDLE of the hobgoblin group. Now hobgoblins aren't overly powerful, but 6 on 1 are not good odds and I'll admit I was a little worried.
Thunderguts looks at me and says "thunderwave". Every hobgoblin is most definitely within 15ft, so each one makes a saving throw, and fails. My player has a grin on his face that tells me I'm not gonna be happy with what happens next. He invokes his channel divinity ability, which maximizes the damage of any attack that deals thunder damage. Thunderwave deals 2d8 damage. These hobgoblins each have 11 hit points. As 6 hobgoblins are flung violently to the side of the road by a 4.5ft tall lightning infused cleric screaming "YOU CAN'T HIT A DWARF"; I check my stats, and have to hear my player laugh as I literally scribble out the battle notes I'd just prepared.
The sorceror is probably my favourite because I get to have so very much fun torturing him because of one very unique ability. His sorcerous origin is that of "Wild Magic". Which means it's not always controllable, and every now and then something goes wrong. If you haven't read the other text, these effects can include him accidentally transforming himself into a pot plant. (His skin is also permanently coloured a rather vibrant blue). One day, as the party walked about the village, his Wild Magic took effect. (Basically the player's handbook has a list of effects, the player rolls a d100 and that decides which effect takes place). Now, normally we get a few giggles. Until he rolled a 2 and I practically wet myself with joy. If the d100 is rolled as a 1 or a 2, for the next 10 rounds (or minute) the player must roll a d100 on each turn (or every 6 seconds out of combat). They were out of combat for the beginning, but then things got nasty.
Firstly he cast grease on himself in a 10ft radius, making himself slip to the ground. Next, he made himself immune to intoxication for 2 weeks. The he summoned a modron nearby. He then started to glow, blinding the rest of the party, who before they knew what was happening were hit by magic missile cast at 5th level, which never misses. By this point, he'd nearly killed half the party, so they did the only thing they're good at, initiated combat to violently solve their problem. Next thing they now they're facing a bright blue, glowing dark elf surrounded by magic butterflies, before watching a unicorn burst into existence and canter into the forest, all the while firing spells and missing with nearly all of them. Suddenly the sorcerer's eyes grow dark and each party member has some of their life drained and regained by the sorcerer. He then gets younger by a year and all his hair falls out. The party is battered, bruised and exhausted, all because the sorcerer lost control, in the middle of town, half of which was watching from behind curtains as effect after effect was cast. Needless to say, they were a little less welcome there until they dealt with the local bandits.
Just gonna add one more quick one, we have a tiefling rogue, who's a little messed up in the head, but is worth keeping around because he can hide almost anywhere. One night they make camp, with the drow sorcerer keeping watch. Not well enough perhaps because next thing they know they're surprised by a group of 5 orcs. One orc for each party member. The memorable bits of this battle include, the dragonborn druid taking two battleaxes to the chest while still in his bedroll, promptly going back to naptime. The ranger being woken up via damage, getting up slowly, deliberately to stretch, before simply slitting the orc-who'd-attacked-him's throat and lying back down to get some more sleep, mumbling something about "only goblins are worth my time". The cleric had of course blown half the orcs across the camp, but with higher health than hobgoblins they had fared better. The rogue however, took a battleaxe to the chest while asleep, and thinking quickly, hid himself in the bedroll and made a stealth check. Considering his impressive bonuses, and the fact orcs are morons, he passed. And the orc began to freak out and panic. Screaming to his comrades that he'd "smacked one so hard it disappeared" before the rogue's rapier erupted from the bedroll and punched a whole in his gut. The orc, naturally flipped it's **** and ran away from what was clearly a ghost. The rogue wasn't done, he rolled for disguise, and after successfully disguising himself as a bedroll, whipped out his two daggers and chased the orc around the campfire, screaming obscenities while the orc screamed for it's mother.
I honestly love my players so much, they make my job so hard, but provided I mostly just roll with it we all have fun.
There was this one time they wanted to get rid of some weird creature, so they decided to bring it food as an "offering". The food was laced with powdered nightshade, dragon bile, mercury and goblin vomit.
The cleric is an OP sonofabitch who radiates stubbornness and lightning
The Sorceror is always just a moment away from losing control, (nearly killed the entire party, completely accidently)
The tiefling Rogue always has brilliant plans and makes me laugh every single time he decides to do things.