Today, I will give you guys some ****** instructions on how to make some THICC and sticky mac and cheese. It looks a little ugly, but I can tell you it will be some good ****. I tell you this because I'm eating it as I type this out. Ignore my dirty ass kitchen, just focus on the food people.Also, I need some better lighting if I do this more, my place only has warm yellow lights, not very good for taking accurately colored pictures.
**** you need
~2 cups of macaroni- elbows are the OG ****, but any with holes will probably work
~1&1/2 cup of cheese- as the title says, I'm using three cheeses, feel free to use as many as you want. Don't use very strong cheeses, or else you'll be tasting it for hours, and it will overpower everything. Parmesan, Mild cheddar and another mild cheese (Velveeta ia a good choice for some ultimate creaminess, but the Colby jack cheese like I used is a little strong. I like it though, since I like strong flavor. it works for me, but not everybody can handle it with a large plate). Mozzarella is good if you want that **** stringy
as much bacon as you want- what else do I have to say. it's ******* bacon
a pinch of mustard powder- optional, but very nice. adds a subtle flavor that is nice
a pinch of paprika- adds some color, and a little flair to it. good ****
~1/3 cup heavy cream- used to make the sauce
1/4 cup flour- also used in the sauce, used to make a roux, which gives the T H I C C and creaminess to it
a bit of olive oil, or any cooking oil, I guess
a tablespoon of butter- part of the roux
a pinch of garlic powder-it's garlic powder. Use fresh if you want, I guess
salt and pepper- if you don't use either of these in a meal, you're probably going to be sad and eating a bland meal
Step one: obtain chemistry degree, combine olive oil and water in a pan (not a pot, because pots boil slow as ****, pans cook pasta more evenly, quickly, use less water, and will stick to itself less, but if you want to use a pot, I guess that works too) then boil the water on medium. While this is happening, use the time to
reflect on your past mistakes and fall into depression shred your cheese if you have a grater, or cut it into tiny cubes if you're a poor scrub like me. And mince up your bacon if you want. Or you can leave it whole and crumble it after you cook it. If I was using whole strips, I'd probably do that.
once the water boils, dump the pasta in there, and cook according to the package, should be around 6-8 minutes. Make that **** al dente, because if it's mushy, you've ****** up
BAM. pasta is cooked, strain the ****, put it somewhere safe (save some of the pasta water in a cup or something because you MIGHT need it later) and gear the **** up, because we're about to cook some ******* bacon
throw the **** in the same pan, did I mention this will all be done in one pan? because it is. just cook it until it's crispy, and leave all that sexy bacon sweat in the pan, because we're about to move on the the actually somewhat difficult part, where you can end up with a plate of **** that tastes like flour, or a delicious plate of cheesy mac
(ignore the ziploc bag and the spilled
cocaine flour) toss the butter into the pan with the bacon grease (you should end up with about 1 tablespoon of grease in that pan, 2 tablespoons overall after you add the butter, remove the excess grease, because you'll be using too much, and the sauce won't be cheesy enough) turn the stove as low as you can, and then slowly add flour into the pan, and stirring the **** up until it dissolves fully before adding any more. keep doing this until you have a T H I C C paste like the next picture shows.
if you've got this, you've put in too much flour. I added a little too much, but since I saved the pasta water from earlier, it's not a ******* problem. just toss a spoonful in there and mix it up. Pasta water is real helpful because it will help loosen up a sauce, but not as much as regular water would do. ANYWAY, on the the next part.
Add in your heavy cream and the pasta water (if you ****** up earlier) and stir that **** up while the stove is still on the lowest heat. Once you have it all incorporated and looking like gravy, congrats. You've made your basic white gravy! now let's add some ******* cheese!
add your cheese, garlic powder, paprika, and mustard powder. turn the heat up a tad to melt the cheese, and get to stirring that ****. If you don't, the cheese will burn to the bottom, and you've got a mess that you will not be too happy to clean
once your cheese is all melted and the sauce is combined, it should look smooth. Once you hit this part, stir in your sexy ass bacon. Make sure it's in small chunks, because it's supposed to be a highlight, not the main focus
here's the finished product, it holds itself together, and it loaded with cheesy flavor. Eat some, and put the rest in a tupperware in the fridge, because you can use that to make some fried ******* macaroni sticks. Like fried cheese sticks, but it won't make a stringy ******* mess when you take a bite. Bony african feet
did you guys like this? want me to cook more ****? If so, what kind of **** do you want me to cook? healthy? obesity causing? ballin' on a budget? Let me know