So, it starts 1000 years ago, not from now but like 10,000 years ago. So for us it would be 11,000 years ago
There's this Snow Elf, and she's a big deal. Legendary adventurer, totally built viking mommy, she's got a whole cult formed around her, called The Battle Sisters. Snow Elf thinks their crazy but let's em do their thing
All she does is conquer, drink, ****, pillage, lord over the place, typical Noble Viking stuff
She's getting kinda old, and then this evil goat bitch shows up, The Dark Mistress
Snow Elf barely has a problem with her until The Dark Mistress kidnaps one of her son's and steals his virginity, so Snow Elf goes up to Dark Mistress's castle and beats her ass into a hole where she'll stay for another thousand years
A year or two later, The Snow Elf passes in battle. Her brave steed, Snowfang or Whitecold or Icyhot or whatever, he gets donated to the Battle Sister Cult
See, Icyhot is immortal because he's a gift from the Gods, and the Battle Sister's are insane, so generations of Battle Sisters just **** the same stallion for hundreds of years
Cut to 1000 years later
The Dark Mistress's kid, The Dark Lord, is finally grown up and wreaking havok and ****
He takes hold of the minds of orcs and beastmen, tears apart the Snow Elves's homeland, but then the Dark Lord dies of dysentery and its very awkward for everyone
There's this war widow, Dolly. She's a halfling, has two quarterling children, Tobias the older and Holly the younger, Holly will be important later
So Dolly starts whoring at this inn, it's owned by this cute older veteran orc lady, eyepatch and all
Dolly ***** lots of werewolves and everyone else for a few years before the inn owner runs off with Tobias and she gets put in charge, horray for Dolly
The Inquisition is formed, their goal is to establish order in the ravaged lands of Old Canada
It doesn't have a name because Inquisitors aren't creative but an Imperial boy starts attending there, his name is Roland, later to be known as Roland The Meek
Roland won't learn very much at the academy because he'll spend four years being bullied and molested by two older girls, a swamp elf called Nacho and a half-orc by the name of Kimber
Nacho is the meaner of the two, and a very skilled mage
She pulls all sorts of mean tricks on Roland, for example...
She uses a ghostly mage hand on the boy while he's trying to flirt with a bunch of cute girls. Uses the spell to rip his clothes off and jerk him off, but the way he's struggling, it makes it look like he's the one doing it. He cums, writhing and on his knees in front of everyone. Nacho swoops in and wraps him in her cloak. Says something like, "Oh, I'm so sorry! The poor boy just can't help himself, so pent-up..."
The half-orc isn't as mean, she really just wants to see him succeed, so she dresses him up like a girl and makes him fight in the academy's all-female wrestling tournament
"Hey Roland, you think you can perform all 100 sword stances with this in your butt?"
If he can't, he must learn how to
They eventually graduate, and become official Inquisitors
Roland is strangely saddened to have to part ways with his girlfriends, but at least he won't have to take it in the ass anymore
5 years later, The Battle Of Günk happens
Its the most brutal battle in the history of Old Canada. Dark Lord came back and started ******* killing everybody, took a month to put him down. Kimber the half-orc lost her life in that battle, and Nacho lost an arm
Roland is busy uncovering The Treachery Of The Plundering Primates!
And he meets a cute little halfling merchant, Holly from earlier. Saves her from being robbed