l g Boy, have I got a story for you ,
5 zshare a house with 3 bros
is scrawny as tuck, beta as hell, but genuinely nice dude
is a huge stoner, but the nicest guy youll ever meet, also impossible to make him mad
cooks like a motherfucker, super charismatic, and although het a heavier dude, het lull beastnode, gym
everyday, arms like Pythons, super nice eat but easy to make mad
ffor met two years, house Is awesome
cooking like we at grandmas thanksgiving every other day
always has good herb
sorts of fun and games and shit
one day, the moon descended from orbit and smashed into the house
muh no wait, ponybro pulled a female
Wight away chillbot and I realize Derakus here is going to be a problem
rthe rast problem is she is one of those ingots whilest thinks shes hot as shit because she is a beta hunter
real men want curves, the same size as Marilyn Monroe hurr hurt' the whole fucking 9
we way the house is set up, there are three bedrooms upstairs and a basement suite
pays the most, so he' s in the suite, Got a king sized bed down there and everything, full mind.
starts spending every fucking night at our place
tthe noises this girl makes while fucking are just impossible to handle
rshy sounds like a cross between a death metal singer and an elephant seal
llm pissed as hell but chillbot tries to just initiate live and let We
wwe tell ponybro to cool it on the noise anyway
mad because we arent Supporting the fact that he Finally bagged a girl
ppoor bastard is already under her spell
sshe comes downstairs
tell her to stop screaming her lungs out at night
oh do my cries of passion make you uncomfortable tee hee?"
vwhat the actual fuck
uncomfortable like an victim of the bubonic plague maybe"
sshe mad, ponybro mad, foodbro thought it was hilarious
next problem occurs when derakus starts fucking with foodbro
myfirst incident was when we all got back from ' expecting to find her devouring our winter stocks or something
ccant find her
maybe she went for a jog hahahaha (ponybro mad)" and goes to throw his shit downstairs
VWHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT
wwe go downstairs, derakus is naked, and sleeping in his bed
sshe tries to take his expensive sheets, wrap them around herself and run upstairs
furious, forcibly takes his shit and makes her run, crying and naked as a newborn up to hombres room
mad, but foodbro madder and ponybro apologizes quietly and chases her upstairs
wwe would m, out later this was a seduction tactic that didn' t even make it to launch because the fat bitch fell asleep (fuckin lot)
incident, foodbro always leaves a lot offend resting
simmering overnight, flank steak marinating for a few days, all sorts of shit that I dont even fucking understand but is fucking delicious
astards to notice this shit disappearing
amad as hell, foodbro demands at least a little semblance of courtesy
has a roll of little red circle stickers
w something is in the fridge with a red circle sticker, dent fucking touch it
yhe goes to make his hamburgers tor dinner (foodbro hamburgers will make you believe in a kind and merciful god)
Guys, where is the groundless. I literally only bought it like three hours ago."
starts giggling like its cute or some shit
I was lust so hungry I couldnt help myself so I made a little snack"
That was 3 lbs of ground beef!"
it was just so good, Hus! fried it all up and ate it. Sorry" and she plasters this shitty minty face on her mug
foodbro ships out, brings back salmon, handbrakes some sushi
opiates it and brings it out
wonders where her plate is
loses it "Bitch, you ate 3 pounds of fucking ground beef today, Thais enough food for your fates today. In fact, thats enough caloric intake for like 3
days. in catch you in my kitchen for the next three days I will lose my fucking mind ''
nits down next to chillbot, immediately back to good mood watching the game
shoty shit this sashimi
quietly sobbing, ponybro shamefully passing her pieces on his plate
Heep in mind, muons pays nothing to exist in our space
addition, because foodbro is such a woopnazi, he practically roots the entire food bill we dam FII his kitchen with cheap shitty food
witch is literally a drain, does nothing to contribute. and always gets super upset it someone mentions how much or our shit she ears
as few days go by
Mme. chillbot, and foodbro coming home. ponybro has late lab
alights are on, loud fucking noise
zzounds like the crowing of a billion crows and the shocks of a billion banshees
aoh my god, derakus invited the rest of the large cloud and currently has food everywhere and everyone is screaming and laughing and making a
huge shit of my fucking house
strides through room, rips mod out of mod dock and screams GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE
of white whales
says "oh ponybro said i could have a few friends over‘
notices all the food that is out Ice cream, cup cakes, chicken sandwiches and shit
Youre going to pay tor all this, tin tired of you eating my food without asking."
starts tearing up "but the food is for the house“
srl pipe up "youre not part of the house"
agrees with me and says Mru just come in here and eat all my shit because you think you can"
stumbles over to foodbro and tries to stroke his chest two ammo) "its okay, stop getting mad because ponybros girlfriend"
gets so mad he leaves
Mme and chillbot kinda shake our heads and go onto the backpatch to smoke
wear ponybro come home an hour later or so
wear dorable crying her eyes out saying that foodbro screamed at all her friends, broke the hood dock (nope), tried to hit them (nope), and then demanded that
derakus sleep with him ()
comes back about an hour after ponybro
wear ponybro confront foodbro
yhe still mad that we make fun of his lady all the time
to know why foodbro demanded she sleep with him
laughs and explains the whole story
pl go in and comfirm
demands to know why ponybro said it was cool for her to throw a party
says he said she could study with a Mend
vwhat a cunt
about a month later of dorable being rainy well behaved
still making shitty passes at foodbro "I know you like the way I look today, or is it everyday?"
astards making her pay for everything he sees her take
annuals out, summer time
rro goes to work the summer in the kitchen of some niceness restaurant, starts dating this bartender there
cardio bunny, yoga and pirates addict, nice boobs, nice ass, stomach you could grate cheese on, super smart, super Never and witty, coolest girl ever,
nicest girl ever
wwe' ll call her M
and foodbro date for like 2 weeks before she starts staying over all the time
two weeks of her sleeping ever, she demands to contribute to food and utilities
has been in our fucking lives for like 5 or 5 goddamn months now and still pays jack shit, smuggles food to ponybros room when foodbro is out
does not like m
is super aloof about derakus
starts wandering around in underwear knowing that people are chilling in the living room as it shes trying to prove that shes the real hot girl
starts making paws aggresive comments to m “on you should eat more, then youd get some curves" (lolwut)
eeven ponybro starting to get tired other shit
istari. s getting mad at her when she says things to foodbro like "you' re man enough to date a real woman" and some asking her what the fuck she means by
comments like that
Mme chillbot and m are outside smoking, she thinks its hilarious
tthe one day m and foodbro come back from late shift
Mme and chillbot are vidya like motherfuckers in the living room
and foodbro go downstairs
Mme chillbot and ponybro (who had been upstairs) come down
is in the basement suite again, trying to squeeze her fat ass into one of m' s dresses
JIM A DOCTOR NOT A MIRACLE WORKER
ASHES DEAD JIM
adress is history, seams ripped, zipper torn away from fabric
so mad hes shaking
an just quietly tallying the damage
yon sorry nee hee, I just needed something to wear and thought we were close enough to the same size"
ml wish I could make this shit up
is at least 260 standing at a proud 5' 2"
is at most 130 at 5' 6"
turns to ponybro "get this fucking behemoth out of my room, and then we are going to have a fucking sit down, you and I,"
counters "Behemoth? Says you, lard ass."
says something along the lines of "not even worth Notifying your shitty attitude, goes upstairs as well
You tat fucking sow, I dam think We ever despised a human being more, You semen lazy fucking cunt. If you don: provide the service of your
disgusting sell to my Friends penis I would have happily throw you in a take months ago I hope you enjoy your his thinking you can lust do what you want
because one day, youre going to wake up and realize what a shit pile you are, and then youll hopefully kill yourself' and then turns on his heel and goes upstairs
at find chillbot m and foodbro at the edge of the property, smoking in the backyard
meal ponybro from inside losing his fucking mind
ffront door slams
Mme domains waddling down the street with her two garbage bags of possessions crying heresey out
Mme witch is dead
yhe says that he told her to pay for all the food shes stolen from the house and tonne dress or he would press charges
rshy eventually did
mouse was the coolest place ever for the next two years before we school and moved on
the invite to foodbro and m' s wedding today
wwe new round out if she killed herself