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Sun] 12: : No 22453603
I got a vasectomy.
I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a streak
that raised in big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her
biological clock ticking. Regardless. she was a good lay. easy on the eyes. and
reasonably good company.
I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to
protect against . She assumed, obviously. that the condom was only used tor
birth control. Silly girl.
We date tor in few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she
brought it up ocassionally. For me. this was B casual but pleasant relationship. For
her - " I was to flattr out . it was part of interchanging series of events that she
was planning very carefully.
Four months into dating. I get the "I' m pregnant' talk. She' s going on and on about but the condom must
have broke and now we really and to think about getting married “tor the baby‘. She' s positively giddy.
She has a baby in her and she thinks she' s gonna have a good meal ticket Mel to go along with her
new Th annuity.
At this point. I' m just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some
bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust
of women who can' t think beyond their own uteri.
So Await a couple offars to 'thick about all this.“ I meet her again. I sayi don' t want kids and that she should have an
abortion. Iknow where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were
the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action It was all very ugy and I was loving every minute
Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends emails. I' m laughing
It was time to drop the hammer. While she was was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who
performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test result: indicating a 'negative test result for sperm'
to show I' m sterile and shooting blanks. Finally. I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents
and is prepared to litigate against this woman dish: continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also,
the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. For ready.
I meet with this woman at her place. Ibrian flowers and a small bit to show I an willing to reconcile and assume
my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents Have prepared.
She' s all giddy again, Ber plan is going perfecty . or so she thinks. We talk about our pisture, We have some pretty good
sex Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the , 000 question ‘Are you sure that this baby is mine?'
she goes batshit insane again Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about
my paternity. Oh, she' s really "reaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do Ithink she' s a slut. I' m just trying to
weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda
I' m not realy mad I' m kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won' t shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I
ask her to step back inside and sit down She sits on the sofa and calms down I bit She is glaring at me with all the moral
separateness that only awoman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped She is 100% convinced her plan has
worked, Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack throng: them with
a few pieces of paper.
I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.
I tell her simply. ‘You' re screwed'.
Her look doesn' t change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.
I continue. 1 am sterile"
Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in Naturally, she reverts to women' s logic. ‘You' re an of shit.
You' re trapped and you know it''
I hold up the letter and the test results. ‘Three months before we met. Iliad a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter hum
him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing mail tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks, I
am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine.‘
This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation "Bullshit, those are
has ready for that "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It' s a simple letter to you that states if
you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity. that is,
to prove that your baby is not mindf
Igive the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul
that she has made a very bad mistake. Wm denial swept away, she started to cry, It' s a small cry at list. Then it becomes
deeper and more paided By the time the gets to the letter iban the lawyer she is sobbing
Had no sympathy for her, Ionized and walked out the door, Even aha I closed the door! could still hear her sobbing.
Inner heard directly trom this woman again. I did hear throng: my Snood: that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard
that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going aha musicians,
bikers, criminals. and thugs. me for thinking the best of American women
The Moral of the Story -
Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.