This Guy Just Posted The Best
Craigslist Ad Ever. This Is Gold.
SF tiity area > Best Roommate Ever,
mama» some can
Best. Roommate. Ever.
Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most
roommate that ever lived? If so, look no
further. You F* king found him. I' m a -
old professional marketing agent with experience
at baddass companies in New York F** king City.
That' s right! What you know about experience? I
graduated from Auburn University in Alabama,
and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22.
After deciding that New York was a stinky shit-
hole, I moved back to Alabama to cultivate more
professional experience. Why? So I can make
millions of dollars and not have to post shit like
this on Craigslist.
Anyway, so I landed this job with a marketing
firm in San Francisco, and I have no F* king clue
where to live. Honestly, I' m moving there in 3
weeks, so I don' t give a shit if I have to sleep in
A bit about me: I' m respectful, quiet, clean and I
won' t bother any of your shit. If you leave shit
out, I' m just like, "Oh f** k I better not mess with
this shit, because it' s not mine." I turn off lights. I
clean toilets. Fok it. I' ll even cook for you.
That' s right! My dad is a chef and taught me
everything there is to know about cooking
southern cajun cuisine. I' ll fry green tomatoes,
cover them with marinated crab meat and
smother that shit in beacause. EVERY.
GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don' t eat meat? That' s
flaring FANTASTIC! I' ll make a zucchini and
yellow squash carpathia that will knock your
f** king socks off.
I also read a lot. I fr* king LOVE books.
Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that shit. I
read Tuesdays with Morrie the other day. It' s a
sad story, but I learned something about life,
love, knowledge and the pursuit of something
greater than myself. F** king smart. Do you like
movies? I F* king love them. We can watch the
shit out of some movies together if you like, or go
get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games
or play a game of basketball, or I
don' t have to talk to you at all. It' s completely UP
Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love
getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and
Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER THE F “K
YOU WANT? Of course you are! I' ll take
requests and learn any song you like, because I
have the voice of an angel and the acoustical
stylings of James F** king Taylor.
A lot of people ask me, "Hey, you' re from
Alabama. Are you racist?" And, the answer to
that question is, no. I' m not racist or judgmental
at all. I love everyone. I' m a secular humanist. I
F** KING LOVE PEOPLE. That' s the only
requirement to being a secular humanist actually.
You have to like other human beings and want to
help them for no other reason than they are
human regardless of race, religion or sexual
preference. WW?! l l? Pretty F* king cool right?
I own almost nothing! I' m driving my car from
Alabama to California in which I' ll be
transporting two duffelblog of clothes, one laptop
computer, one guitar, one cellophane with
charger, 8 pairs of shoes, one picture frame,
probably some condoms and a shitload of beef
jerky and Pringles for the trip. Though, you can
expect the jerky to be gone upon my arrival.
Unless you' d like me to pick up some on my way
into the city. See?! I' m the most considerate
person you' ever met. I' m offering to buy you
Am I interested in your pad? You can bet my
nomadic ass I am! I only require 4 walls, a
ceiling and a floor to shelter me from the
elements. Other than that, anything else will be
considered a convenient plus. I' m taking being a
roommate to the next level. Email me! I' ll hook
yo ass up with Facebook links, background
checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes,
references, awards, sexual history, pictures of
karate trophies and a list of the top 10 women I' d
like to bang before I die. If you want a next-
generation roommate who consistently blows
your F* king mind with awesomeness, then hit me
up. I' m ready to give you money.
cats are -
dogs are ox - whoof
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