All these photos are from my hospital stay. As you can see i am quite thin. They called me Houdini because i would always get out when they tied me down. I would get scared, and i was all alone. I thought there was a doctor in bed with me. I was so out of it. I couldnt move so i created a whole universe of my own, with a bed hogging doctor. I kept pulling out my vetalator, so they eventually gave up after the 6th or 7th time, and they tested my lungs on their own. My tpn which was a tube that went into my nose down to my stomach which fed me. It ended up in my lung. I drown. I died. I remember feeling like i was floating in the dark. Amiss the alarms and yelling i was at peace. I ended up with phemonenuia after that and had to get another vetalator. I couldn't speak, move, i had a tube for my pee, and a bag for my poop. I was like a self aware baby. I felt like the guy in metallicas ",one" video. I wanted them to just let me die. The pain and everything was too much. But here i am fighting for the life i was so ready to give away. As always thank you for reading. Ill post that video of me dancing as promised. Thanks guys. You are all amazing. P.s i am always willing to answer questions. I had one guys ask how i afford everything. I dont. I try to make money by selling my artwork and im not busty enough to twtch stream my videogame sessions. My insurance is a ppo which i pay 380 a month for. I cant afford my health insurance anymore. I had a nice 57,000 dollar cushion i had been saving from years of bartending. Everything 20 and under in the safe. That went in 11 months. Im about to be homeless because i cant aford my mortgage anymore. My medicine is 600 a month with insurance. Plus my very special diet. Ive applied for every kind of aide but nothing. I get denied. I jeed 24_7 care. I just let my home health nurse go because i cant aford her. So im on my own. But ive made it this far. Its gonna be okay! Just being able to talk about it is a weight lifted. Thank you guys so much.
-autumn
