SCIENTISTS GET A LITTLE
TOO HONEST
This dye was selected because
the bottle was within reach"
We didn' t read half of the papers we cite
because they are behind a paypall"
Reagent became unavailable in 2002 because
nobody wanted to order more and risk being
added to terrorists ."
Sample size was smaller than
planned because I had been in
grad school for 10 yrs & my
advisor wanted me to graduate."
PCR reaction repeated for 25 cycles because
that' s how long it takes to go teach class."
We don' t , ',", the results were obtained.
The postdoc who did all the work has since left
to start a bakery."
The samples incubated at ambient
temperature in a remote border customs office
for 5 months."
y It
was accelerated by
carrying around subjects in ketchup cups inside
the researchers' clothing."
Blood samples were spun at because
the centrifuge made a scary noise at higher
speeds."
Experimental time points were chosen so I
didn' t have to come into lab in the middle of the
night or over the weekend."
Tiny metal rods were used to unravel each of
the (hundreds of) butterflies' proboscus for
feeding. Every. Flippin. Day."
We assume 50 Ivy League kids represent the
general population. b/ c actual ‘real people'
can be sketchy or expensive"
scientific. because Fisher is like the Walmart
of science"
We did not make the corrections suggested by
reviewer 1 because we think reviewer 1 is a
f"' ing idiot"
Rat sacrifices were performed to Tom Petty,
because that' s how we roll in this lab"
ppm because the lab is deserted and creepy
after office hours.
Our sampling locations happen to match
tropical resort towns because field work
doesn' t have to be mud and agony"
aii'
...
