FJNS 163: Rioting & Property DestructionshirigamiRank: #3897 FunisvotingBlocksBlocks prevnext Prev Next Hello, legislators of the People's Republic. Today's post is actually late by design. Since I've been slipping in the posting rate with a lack of caffeine intake, I worked out the big brain math that tells me it was easier to wait like four hours to post this rather than move the time backwards by like twenty hours. As such, your evening call to vote on Issues No. 458 and No. 1396 has arrived. join list: FunnyStates (51 subs)Mention History RESULTS:Issue No. 138: Keep the Greenbelt Green, Says Protesters "There's a shortage of swinging hot spots as land development grinds to a halt."Issue No. 1193: Relocating the Living Room "Small patches of desolate land across the world are part of Junky sovereign territory."Issue No. 1470: The Devil's Spawn "Ignorance is considered a politically desirable quality." ISSUES:Issue No. 458: Bigtopian Lives Matter The Issue: An unarmed 18-year-old Bigtopian boy, Karsang Hicks, was recently shot by Officer Matthias Kenny as he was walking home, despite video footage showing him with his hands up. The police shooting has aggravated racial tensions in the People's Republic of FunnyJunk, and now civil rights protests have quickly spread from the suburbs, potentially engulfing the entire nation. You have been brought in to maintain calm and hopefully resolve the crisis. Debate Points: 1. “Hands up; don’t shoot!” yells leading activist Elizabeth Pavlov through a deafening megaphone. “We demand Officer Kenny’s conviction and an end to cops killing unarmed Bigtopians! I’m sick and tired of racist police who assume all Bigtopians look and act the same. Cops should have to live in the neighborhoods they patrol, and the local communities need direct control over their precincts. That way we can fire any officer itching to do in Bigtopians.” 2. “All this talk about race is divisive,” says Officer Kenny’s attorney. “Try to put yourself in a policeman’s shoes for a minute. Cops need to make quick decisions in hostile situations, and that means they have to use the professional instincts they learn while on patrol. The Bigtopian boy fit the description of someone for whom there was an arrest warrant, and he was wielding a baguette - which on a dark night can easily be mistaken for a shotgun - in a threatening manner. This tragic mistake was an isolated incident, and Officer Kenny shouldn’t be held responsible for a single error on the line of duty.” 3. “The boy in question was a serial jaywalker, proving he was a hardened criminal,” Chief of Police Jonas Wang states candidly. “So we can assume that the most notorious jaywalker in all of the People's Republic of FunnyJunk was up to no good. And those annoying protesters are just delaying traffic. I’ll get the fire department to disperse them pronto. TURN ON THE FIRE HOSES!” 4. Dismiss the Issue Morally Freddie Gray? Just another case of Bigtopian-on-Bigtopian violence. How many breads have you shot at in your life? Just a speed bump in the path of justice. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 1398: Spectre Royale [MADness] Issue Series ————————————————————————— "MADness" The Story So Far: You recently captured an enemy pilot who was attempting to bomb your missile sites on San Vitenzo. Justice was swift. The Issue: Tensions with the United Federation have never been higher. After the unpleasant incident with their downed pilot, they are now threatening to invade San Vitenzo and destroy all of your military installations. Debate Points: 1. “We can’t back down now, Comrade Leader,” declares Defense Minister Rolan Malinovich while furiously writing notes on a structural diagram of the nation’s missile silos. “Although we don’t have many troops on the ground, some of the local villagers have been trained in guerilla warfare by their government. It wouldn’t be difficult to airdrop weapons and supplies. Let us fight alongside our comrades in a glorious struggle against the hated imperialists!” 2. “Are we sure that San Vitenzo is a worthy ally?” questions Minister of International Diplomacy Andrea Gramyki, who had been plucking a few notes of ‘Born in the People's Republic of FunnyJunk’ on her guitar. “I heard a rumor that they’re actually considering... market-based economic reforms.” She shudders uncontrollably. “It would be a mistake to ask our brave soldiers to die in battle defending a faraway nation that might not be fully committed to the anti-capitalist struggle. Tell the United Federation that we’re willing to negotiate.” 3. Dismiss the Issue Havanaice Day? When the trees start speaking shitpost. Better red than dead. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) We're nearing the end of strange laws in the State of California, but there's no need to cry about it. And don't take me to court over it either; in the golden state, it's illegal to cry on the witness stand. You'll just have to suck it up. prevnext +10 -Favorite +Favorite Unblock User's Content Block User's Content Sub/Block Channels Funisvoting:UploadUnblockBlockSubUnsubsubs: 290
