FJNS 154: Pray to Whatever You Believe InshirigamiRank: #3897 FunisvotingBlocksBlocks prevnext Prev Next We're in dire straits, legislators. Our region has been subsumed by the dead, overrun by our own neighbors. Our death squads are roaming what is left of the nation, doing what precious little they can to rescue survivors and found a new hope for us all. It is now that I advise you, whatever religion you believe in, now would be the time to pray. Pray that we're found and live to lead another day. God help us all. join list: FunnyStates (51 subs)Mention History RESULTS:Issue No. 598: A Violet Trojan Horse "Religious bigotry and a fear of outsiders have replaced religious studies in schools."Issue No. 1392: No Crime to Spy [MADness] "Reassembling shredded papers is the highlight of a spy's day."Issue No. Z: Z-Day The People's Republic of FunnyJunk is attempting to exterminate zombies with military force. People: 119,290,659 Zombies: 310,112,800 Dead: 571,012,085 Survival Rate: 11.90% ISSUES:Issue No. 145: Hackles Raised Over Fur Clothes Debate The Issue: Several animal rights groups have protested the continuing use of fur as a material for clothing. Debate Points: 1. “This is an outrage!” cries Kerath Henderson, president of the Be Nice To Animals society. “The manufacture of fur apparel is unethical, cruel, and disgusting! People just don’t seem to realize that millions of animals die each year in fur farms, crammed into tiny cages and suffering the most terrible treatment just so someone can look appealing and rich! This is a sick practice and must be stopped! The same can go for leather shoes and snakeskin belts too.” 2. “You can’t mean that, surely?” snorts Peggy Parkarvarkar, adjusting a hat made from real goose hide. “It’s the people’s choice what they wear. I don’t think it’s fair that the majority of the public should be deprived of fur clothes because some people are a bit queasy. In fact, if the government would allow us to stock rarer animals, we could produce even finer products. In the end, it’s up to the individual, don’t you think?” 3. Dismiss the Issue Death to Furries? The skin is the best part! Fur industry survives by the skin of its rhinoceros teeth. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 243: A Question of Faith [SPECIAL EDITION] The Issue: Infighting between major religious groups over which faith should represent the People's Republic of FunnyJunk in an international exhibition of holy relics escalated to a new high, today. After the latest incident, in which one official received a concussion from a sacred healing stone, all of the religious leaders are at last united - in demanding you choose a national religion. Debate Points: 1. “If you would grant us this one small mercy we would all be free from the iniquitous sin of envy,” says Iris Cage, nervously rubbing a small religious symbol. “One’s faith is one’s guiding light after all, and I believe if you choose a national religion, well, MINE anyway, that heaven will smile upon this nation full of heathens a little more kindly.” 2. “I don’t believe choosing one faith from the thousands out there is very fair,” says Ming Hicks, author of the critically acclaimed ‘Agnosticism and You’. “Which god do we pick? How do we pick? It’s impossible! We don’t even know if higher beings exist and it’s sheer arrogance to postulate otherwise! The government should officially declare that the People's Republic of FunnyJunk has no official religion, because the alternative would be self-damning. Not that we know that for sure, of course.” 3. “Oh for chaos’ sake! ‘I don’t know this, I don’t know that’ - well of course you don’t!” shouts Sophie Pavlov, president of The Secular, Humanist, and Atheist Society. “But some of us have the guts to look at the available evidence and try to make something out of it! If the government has any brains or guts of its own it will reach the same conclusion that I and millions of other forward-looking people have reached: there is no God, there is no afterlife, and this is all there is. THAT, Admin, is what the government’s official stance should be.” 4. “The only god this nation needs is the vengeful and unforgiving Violet!” screams Bajrakitiyabha Wang, Grand High Poobah of the Order of Violet. “May her tentacles forever secrete slime. Embrace Violetism and we will usher in a new age of darkness across the land! Human sacrifice and death to all heretics and unbelievers! Violet is the only way!” 5. “The only deity this country needs is the one it already has, master,” says Emmanuel Syme, one of your creepier advisers while obsequiously bowing on the floor. “I of course refer to you, Admin, the finest ruler any humble subject could hope to have! We long to worship you and do your bidding! Some call that a cult of personality, but I prefer to call it... love.” 6. Dismiss the Issue Say a Prayer? Have faith and He will provide an answer. We don't play favorites. There's nothing after this. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. Dadmin giveth site features, and Dadmin taketh away. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 1262: Dead Tasty The Issue: Every year, several deaths are reported in the country due to the eating of the highly poisonous, yet savored, pufferfish. Debate Points: 1. “It’s straight up suicide!” proclaims Emenike Takei, while puffing his cheeks out in exasperation. “This deadly dish claimed the life of one of my close friends, and kills diners every month! This culinary death-trap must be banned!” 2. “Eating this fish has been our tradition, passed down by our... grandfathers maybe...” says renowned chef Kelly Kuraoka, as she puts a pufferfish on your desk to demonstrate how easily prepared it is. “It all depends on how skilled you are. See: poison... poison... poison... tasty fish! All you need to do is to make sure all chefs go on training courses and are licensed to serve this sensory experience.” 3. “What’s all this commotion about? A few deaths caused by a petty fish?” questions restaurateur Nobuyoshi Hudson, who has just returned from a culinary trip to Dàguó. “There are so many scrumptious dishes out there, but most Junkies are just too jittery to give them a go. There’s live octopus, blood clams and ackee: let’s put Junky restaurants on everyone’s ‘must experience before you die’ list!” 4. Dismiss the Issue Smells Fishy? Take the controversial stance of not eating poison. Make the first incision half a centimeter below the filet. Caution can go fugu itself. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. Z: Z-Day The Issue: There is little left to do now. As you sit, contemplating your life and all that's brought you here, you look up from your desk at the boarded up windows of your office. You suppose there's time for one last address to the people, what few remain. Debate Points: 1. You could rally the people. Most of the nation may have already been doomed to a horrible fate, but those who remain and can keep fighting could be the foundation for a new country. Your death squads are still on patrol too, and they seem to be far better adjusted after the initial wave. Though concerningly, they are short on the scale of manpower. 2. You could start looking into that cure. After previously rejecting the scientist behind the idea, there's no harm in trying now. He's still in a corner of the room, frantically formulating and muttering to himself. He's either cracked the case or a crackpot. For those who haven't already been shot, there's a chance they could even be returned to living. Sans the undeath. 3. You could apologize to the people, and tell them this is the end. It would be a terrible blow to morale, but giving in might be the only choice left, whether you're ready to accept it or not. Perhaps sending your flesh-hungry corpse to your enemies could make the best of a bad situation, it's the option that aide already settled on. Come to think of it, you haven't seen him in a while... It's a World War. The blaze of glory and hail of bullets. The biology beaker breakthrough of the ages. The cold, bloody embrace of this new reality. Vote! (View results) REMINDER: The religion Issue, being a field unlock, will reappear if dismissed until something other than "Dismiss." is picked. prevnext +8 -Favorite +Favorite Unblock User's Content Block User's Content Sub/Block Channels Funisvoting:UploadUnblockBlockSubUnsubsubs: 288
