FJNS 144: Admitting Defeat, Going Home, and Living in the DarkshirigamiRank: #3897 FunisvotingBlocksBlocks prevnext Prev Next AHA! I new I could daytime post if I applied myself. I'm still busy in the mornings though, so I’m reporting to you live from my university, a place where dreams come to die. If the legislation is prepared, Issues No. 1044, No. 292, and No. 462 are prepared for you while I do meaningless, repetitive tasks. For legal reasons, I’ll ask you not to touch the student body. join list: FunnyStates (51 subs)Mention History RESULTS:Issue No. 1001: Will the Real Victims Please Stand Up? "Victims of crime are viewed as less trustworthy than politicians."Issue No. 560: Bicameral Backlash "Snap elections are called over every minor impasse." The People's Republic of FunnyJunk's Political Freedoms rose from Average to Good. ISSUES:Issue No. 1044: OK Stupid The Issue: After your Education Minister came in last place at a national spelling bee and your Minister of Defense recently confessed to having never graduated high school, the nation’s more learned citizens have questioned whether or not “uneducated” politicians have the right to govern them. Debate Points: 1. “Do you honestly want someone who spells violet with an ‘f’ to be in charge of educational policy for our children?” quips Leonard Cooper, often considered to be the smartest man in the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk, after painstakingly choosing the best chair to sit in. “It’s high time we educated folk are treated with some respect around here. I’m tired of seeing these dumb-dumbs in charge when they barely have the intelligence to run a lemonade stand, let alone a country with 933 million people. Therefore, in the interest of preserving this country’s future, we must force all current and future politicians to pass a rigorous intelligence test. Anyone who is not ranked as a genius or higher must be barred from any sort of public office!” 2. “The complication is that the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk is a vast cesspool of cultural stupidity, not the electioneering and administration of the government,” muses Thomas Beachcroft, the head of the Bad Gateway 502 chapter of highbrow society The League of Brainboxes. “Every diurnal course I’m distressed to see simpletons who credit crystals, specters, charlatans, religious superstition, reality television, and other such tomfoolery. If the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk is to convalesce its approbation, the citizenry must partake in more intellectual pursuits: televised chess matches, strategy endeavors, and intense philosophical debates. All other activities and pursuits are frivolous and must be verboten.” 3. “Me fail grammar? That’s unpossible!” chimes in your easily amused Education Minister Bob Pigham while trying to balance a pen on his nose. The Education Minister is quickly pushed aside by your always-angry Defense Minister, who looks like he is about to have an aneurysm. “Who are these nerds and brainiacs to tell us how to run our country? The people voted us in and we ought to respect that. So what if I don’t have some fancy-schmancy diploma? It’s just a piece of paper. Any citizen should be free to run for office, regardless of how smart they are.” 4. Dismiss the Issue The Peepuls’ Republic’ve Funeejunk? Study for the midterm elections. FunnyJunk chic has gone from hot garbage to haute poubelle. Vote for Deez Nuts. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 292: Tourists Wearing Out Their Welcome? The Issue: As tourists flock to the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk in record numbers, some citizens have begun to complain of rowdiness and invasions of privacy from those visiting from other countries. There are calls for measures to slow the tourism industry. Debate Points: 1. “This is getting a bit extreme,” says Sonequa Mozart, wearing historically accurate peasant garb, down to the curly-toed shoes. “Our everyday lives are becoming spectacles for the world! I can’t even trim my petunias without a dozen tourists snapping pictures of me - without my consent mind you! Our nation’s first priority should be to protect its citizens. We need to start scaling back our tourism industry for the sake of our privacy.” 2. “That’s not going far enough!” shouts conservative extremist and rabid patriot Ayla Tan. “These damn foreigners are corrupting our culture. They demand that we feed them their type of food, that we make accommodations for them, that... that... we change what WE are just for THEIR sake! This isn’t their country. They weren’t born here. They don’t work their fingers to the bone for this country, and they sure as hell don’t belong here! I say we chase all of these foreigners out of the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk!” 3. “You’ve got to be joking!” says Propaganda Minister Francis Case. “These tourists come here and absorb our culture and ideology, and they PAY US to do so. Tourism is the heart of the glorious socialist struggle! Scale back tourism? If anything, the government should be encouraging more tourism. Open up some theme parks, advertise our world famous aged cheddar gift baskets - anything that will attract more tourists, or as I like to call them, future fifth-columnists! With a little government funding, we could have all of the Backend of the Internet visiting us!” 4. Dismiss the Issue Back the Way You Came? Directions to FunnyJunk are “Up your ass and to the left.” Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again. Communism has no borders. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 462: Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me The Issue: In an effort to address a budget shortfall, your Minister for Creative Solutions has proposed to cut expenditure by switching off a number of street lights throughout the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk. Debate Points: 1. Ami Starkey, your Minister for Creative Solutions explains their position. “Let’s face facts, in the current economic climate we need to be sensible with our thumbs. Those street lights don’t run on thin air you know - and what with the cost of electricity soaring, what other choice do we have? We’re not talking about a total blackout across the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk, just switching off the lighting along some of those less important roads and well... perhaps the ones that don’t contribute so much to society.” 2. A woman in yoga pants pauses stretching to remark: “Excuse me, do you see what I’ve got going on here? I can’t be walking this down unlit streets at night. I can barely do it in the daytime. Keeping the lights on at all times will make the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk feel safe and welcoming for everyone, not just the heavily armed.” She adjusts her gym bag, which clanks. 3. Wild-eyed, eccentric gentleman Paddy Moore begs your attention whilst enthusiastically polishing his monocle. “This is fantastic news, but doesn’t go far enough - let’s get rid of ALL those blasted monstrosities for good! Do you realise how difficult it is to spot the rotation of Alderaan’s second moon through all that ghastly light pollution? Of course there will be a few wimps who are scared of the dark - but that’s what candles were invented for!” 4. “You’re looking at this entirely the wrong way, dear Admin,” interjects Emile Brown from Helios I Energy Corp. “If there’s anything the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk needs, it’s more light, not less! It’s been scientifically proven that more light means a happier, healthier population, reduces crime, and there’s no need to worry about the night shift any more - you can work from dawn until, well, forever!” 5. Dismiss the Issue Blinded by the Light? Every interstate is a highway to hell. All the better to see you with, my dear. May the eternal light of the stars guide you to the bus. In the city can can never get any damn sleep. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) I’m not at home, so I don’t have any legal trivia, but fun fact about Arizona regardless: That video of the instant-boil manhole cover yesterday? The average Summer high in Arizona is 105°F/40°C, and it’s only the tenth hottest state, Summer, Winter, AND annual. prevnext +13 -Favorite +Favorite Unblock User's Content Block User's Content Sub/Block Channels Funisvoting:UploadUnblockBlockSubUnsubsubs: 288
