FJ Nation 67: Cast Away & the Butterfly EffectshirigamiRank: #3377 FunisvotingBlocksBlocks prevnext Prev Next I welcome your return, legislators. I'm no longer babysitting this weekend, but no news other than that. Had a bad storm. If I post mobile, that'll be why, but we should be in the clear. I have two Issues for you lot, No. 237 and No. 970, and the RESULTS from the last vote. We're getting close to the half a billion mark, so we should be able to change our national classification in a week or two. I'll change it to "Dankocratic Memeocracy" then and hold a vote to change it. join list: FunnyStates (51 subs)Mention History RESULTS: Issue No. 563: Resistance is Fertile "Chickens frolic freely on swings and roundabouts in Bad Gateway 502's playgrounds." "They Grow Up so Fast" Banner Unlocked (Develop a good economy in a nation of 300 million citizens.)Issue No. 1047: Rivers of Blood "The newest shade developed by the People's Republic of FunnyJunk's dye industry has been dubbed 'Agent Orange'."Issue No. 915: Clasp of Controversy "Psychiatrists bizarrely accompany Leader to meetings with foreign heads of state." ISSUES:Issue No. 237: Tourists on Death Row The Issue: A group of holidaymakers from the People's Republic of FunnyJunk have been arrested while visiting the scenic, yet corrupt and totalitarian, nation of Maxtopia on charges of drug trafficking - an offense which carries the maximum sentence of the death penalty. The story has provoked outrage from citizens, many believing the government should intervene to bring the tourists back home. Debate Points: 1. “Everyone knows what barbarians those Maxtopians are!” says Sun Kennett, parent to one of the arrestees. “They’ve not even allowed my son and his friends access to lawyers! That government is as corrupt as they are cruel, my boy would never have anything to do with drugs! You need to do something to save them, I’m begging you! I’m sure the Maxtopian officials will back down if you threaten trade sanctions or something. Right?” 2. “You’ve got to see it from the other side,” argues Beverly Rice, a customs official. “While it’s unfortunate that the sentence is so stiff, they really shouldn’t have been smuggling drugs. I’m sure we wouldn’t be happy if Maxtopians came over here with banned goods. I just can’t sympathize: they were greedy, they broke the law, they got caught. What makes them so special that they should be bailed out? At the taxpayers’ expense I might add. Let them be - it’ll show we respect the judicial rights of other countries.” 3. “I agree,” chimes in Genghis Yew, an anti-drug campaigner, waving a banner which reads ‘Don’t Be a Fool, Drugs Aren’t Cool’. “Did you ever stop to think that our foreign neighbors might have the right idea? A zero-tolerance attitude to the drugs issue is what this country needs! Death to the dealers!” 4. “You people are so quick to lay the finger of blame,” says Liara Evans, an ambassador at the Junky Embassy in Maxtopia. “My motto has always been ‘If you want something, give something away’. It is the government’s duty to protect its citizens from harm! We don’t want to cause too much international friction by making a mockery of their laws so we’ve got to settle things more diplomatically: they scratch our backs now and we’ll scratch theirs later.” 5. “That’s what they want! Leverage!” hollers Rory Magellan, your Minister of Defense, storming into your office. “Advances in our markets, political favors - they’ll do anything to undermine us! They’ve always hated us, those rats! If you ask me, this brouhaha isn’t about drugs - it’s a spit in our eye, that’s what it is! What kind of people execute kids for having a few ounces on them? We ought to give them a good bombing, then they’ll know how a proper country behaves!” 6. Dismiss the Issue Lousy Tourists? Trade you. No backsies. Time for drug runners to run. Pay them a visit. A tour de force! Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 970: For Want of a Nail The Issue: A recent investigation into a near miss between two commercial airplanes revealed that it was due to an error on the part of an air traffic controller, who in turn was being distracted by his colleague chattering about how hungry he was, which in turn was caused by his colleague’s missing packed lunch, which in turn was caused by his colleague’s wife’s temporary incapacity, in turn caused by a finger infection, in turn caused by a broken nail. Thus, the media are dubbing this “The Broken Nail Incident.” Debate Points: 1. “Symptom: fragile keratin. Diagnosis: calcium deficiency,” confidently declares medically-untrained dairy industry marketing rep Barack Morgan. “You need to subsidize the dairies so we can increase supply of our products to the populace in order to treat this. Got milk? Yes, I have! You got money?” 2. “Wait? His WIFE made lunch for him?” complains avowed feminist Castiel Swift as he grumbles through mouthfuls of broccoli and dried figs. “This is a sign of the sickness of patriarchy in our society! The men of this nation must be made to make their own damn lunches!” 3. “His wife should have ignored the pain, and made the sandwich,” admonishes Rembrandt Carr, as his own wife timidly picks mud from his boots with her fingernails. “A wife should have to attend to her duties unless a doctor - a male doctor, mind - certifies her medically unfit to work.” 4. “Call me Captain Obvious,” says airline pilot Captain Tom Obvious, “but doesn’t a near-miss air collision suggest we need to be spending more on air safety? We need more air traffic controllers working shorter shifts, and fewer night-time and bad weather flights. What? Someone has to be sensible here.” His co-pilot, Jane Sensible, nods in agreement. 5. “This is Emergence at work,” reverently whispers wild-eyed lepidopterometeorologist Professor Frank Benjamin. “For too long has national policy been set by simplistic cause and effect models, when the complexity of chaos and the beautiful madness of multiple interacting systems rule our lives! Fund my research into Chaos Socioeconomics, and together we’ll learn to properly randomize government policy!” 6. “The only thing emerging here is the Hand of the Divine,” counters disheveled hermit monk Harald Howard. “The world is indeed too complex for mere science to explain or predict. Dispense with air traffic control and fancy in-flight technology, and instead require all pilots and passengers to pray before takeoff and landing. Have faith in a higher power!” 7. Dismiss the Issue The Blame Plane? More focus on dairy air. You can't spell "mismanagement" without "man". Flight of the Spruce Goose. And don't call me "Shirley". Flights, uh, find a way. On the wings of an angel. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) If you don't like "Dankocratic Memeocracy" or any of our other custom fields, I'll be opening the polls. I may devise a different voting system when the time comes, that way, all the options can be voted on individually. I initially expedited the process since we were so early in the game, but now we're hundreds of Issues in. For our state trivia today, it's a pretty straightforward law. Don't move vending machines: specifically, don't attach them to light poles. It's apparently a hazard to the people 30Ft. in the air if a hard vending machine is nearby, as opposed to the much softer asphalt that normally surrounds a street light. prevnext +7 -Favorite +Favorite Unblock User's Content Block User's Content Sub/Block Channels Funisvoting:UploadUnblockBlockSubUnsubsubs: 297