FJ Nation 56: Hazing, Memes, and Expat TeensshirigamiRank: #3897 FunisvotingBlocksBlocks prevnext Prev Next I've been watching particle physics videos and failing to employ Fire Emblem: Heroes strategies before the day rolls over, now it's time to get into the real intellectual meat: meme voting. I offer you a choice. Three choices, actually. There's three Issues. We have Issue No. 729, No. 963, and No. 1204, as well as RESULTS from our last foray into voting. join list: FunnyStates (51 subs)Mention History RESULTS: Issue No. 1037: Ill Girl "The nation locks people up and tells them they're mad for compassion's sake."Issue No. 85: Illegal File-Sharing Flares "Copyright laws have been abolished." "Server Room" Banner Unlocked (Develop a strong technology industry.) ISSUES:Issue No. 729: Teenage Kicks The Issue: Dozens of children were seriously injured last week, during Kick a Ginger Day, the traditional start-of-term ritual in which generations of redheaded children at Goose Lake Secondary School have been attacked by their classmates. The Principal says their staff, notably devoid of redheads, were out to lunch and heard nothing of the rampage. Sensing a photo-op, you have cancelled your Step-Yoga class and headed over to the school to meet the parents. Debate Points: 1. “THIS IS BULLYING!” yells civil-rights activist and parent of redheaded twins, Tandi Wickremesinghe, showing you a photograph of his children in hospital beds. “It is unconscionable for me to even think that my poor daughters were beaten for something they can’t control! All children should be treated equally, regardless of their hair color. What if it was ‘Bash a Blonde Day’? Would that be okay? I say we must take a hard line on all forms of bullying in our schools, and wipe it out: teasing, joking, badinage, poking fun, mockery, harrying, pestering...” 2. “Bullying? Please! Now what are those liberal ninnies whining about?” scoffs Bartholomew Harker, whose brown-haired son, Paxton, participated in the ritual kicking. “They were foot nudges, uncomfortable for a minute. Two, maybe. Not harmful at all. This is really the erosion of our traditions by the left-wing elite, the suppression of childish high spirits by folks who’d see them become tax-payin’ tree-huggin’ robots. Why, we did it all the time when I was a kid. At the end, all the normal kids give those weird gingers a hearty thump on the back, accepting ‘em as good sports. And they like that. Keep the nanny state out of the playground, and respect our ancient traditions.” 3. “Rubbish!” snorts Fleur Lee, an avid gooseball fan, who is watching the televised play-offs on her Pear Phone Grande and has barely looked at her daughter since she arrived. “Getting kids to be nice, allowing kids to beat each other up. What kids really need is daily contact sports to work off that energy. Once you thrash your opponent on the field, thrashing them with your fist seems kind of pointless. And, there’s another upside. Little Tammy Thompson won’t have the strength to beat-up anyone if she’s spent all day kicking a ball.” 4. “The obvious solution has been overlooked,” states another parent, programmer Lamar ‘Chips’ Wei, who has spent his whole life trying to blend in. “Simply dye everyone’s hair the same colour when they start school. You don’t know what it’s like, Leader. The beating of the drums would start, and then the remorseless chanting, and all the teachers would lock themselves in the staffroom until it was over. To protect children from their playmates’ scorn and savagery, uniformity is the only way.” Paxton Harker’s parent trips him up, and a group of brunette parents guffaw. 5. Dismiss the Issue Red Scare? No child hit in the behind. Heartless response to soulless people. Gingers can burn off the extra energy with their classmates. Everyone must dye. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 963: The Leader Meme The Issue: During a recent speech, a particularly embarrassing pose you struck became rather popular on the internet. The pose has spawned numerous parodies and humorous political commentary. A few of your bewildered advisers have asked you to address the so-called ‘Leader Meme’. Debate Points: 1. “These images are ruining your image!” points out Francisco Bourdain, an adviser from your Department of Redundancy Department. “They make you look like an incompetent and imprudent fool, especially in rival enemy nations. I heard Maxtopia is putting up posters and placards of these so-called ‘memes’ in their subways! What may seem like innocent, benign images could evolve into political action that will inspire protests and riots! You have to ban insulting images of Junky politicians.” 2. “You can’t take away that freedom!” pleas Lana Hansen, an adviser from your Department of Office Vending Machine Contents. “I mean, look at this one! It’s so funny! And this one here, they made it look like you’re holding a cat! I say keep them coming. People like a leader with a sense of humor. If you punish those who use free speech to peacefully protest, the backlash you’ll receive will be far worse than these pictures.” 3. “I agree. In fact, I think we can make an opportunity of this,” claims Raphael O, an adviser from your Department of Memetic Imagery, which you don’t recall having. “Some of these may be a bit insulting, sure, but some of them are lighthearted, or even beneficial. The one with you and a cat? It makes you look gentle and appreciative of animals. To better your image, we should masquerade as everyday citizens, and create and spread favorable memes ourselves.” 4. “Sometimes we make mistakes,” admits Yui Ungar, an adviser from your Department of Political Choreography. “That’s why pencils have erasers. Like other fads, this ‘Leader Meme’ will die out; you just have to give it time. Meanwhile, you could benefit from practicing your stage performance for future speeches and appearances. Y’know, to prevent this from happening again.” 5. Dismiss the Issue Because You're Epic? What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla How do you do, fellow memers? I am but a simple meme farmer, tending to my memes. I was only pretending to be retarded. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 1204: Homecoming Queen The Issue: Ellie Carter ran away from home when she was 15 to join the Ultra-Violetists, an international, religious, militant organization that aims to forge a state ruled under Violetist law. Now, four years later, she wants to come back to the People's Republic of FunnyJunk, claiming to have served in only noncombatant roles. The so-called “Terrorist Princess” is heavy with child and nearly due, and is now living in a refugee camp in Bigtopia. Debate Pieces: 1. “Oh my silly lost girl, where did she get her ideas? She didn’t kill anyone during her escapades, so surely that should count for something,” pleads the girl’s father, a Violetist cleric. “She wasn’t even an adult at the time, so she should be excused for her actions and be allowed to return home to have her child. Our family will take care of her and the baby, so you’ve got nothing to worry about.” 2. “She made the decision to betray our glorious People’s Republic in order to join up with those Violetist lunatics!” bellows your Minister for Homeland Security. “No matter the girl’s claims about being a noncombatant, she still served the enemy! But if she wants to come back, then fine! Have her extradited, then throw her in solitary confinement for the rest of her miserable life! The child we’ll take away to raise in a patriotic environment free from sick terrorist ideals!” 3. “Take her out,” whispers your Minister for Alternative Solutions. “And I don’t mean to a nice restaurant. Violetist extremists have caused so many deaths, so why waste this opportunity for justice? I don’t believe she was noncombatant for a second. These Violetist animals wouldn’t show any mercy to us, so we shouldn’t show any to them. She and her larva deserve to die — this is war!” 4. Dismiss the Issue Fundamental Right? Like nothing happened. Jack of all traitors, mother of none. Terrorist Princess takes a car ride in a tunnel. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) This post exists in a quantum state of posted and unposted until I hit submit and make that decision. Every choice is a fracture in time that we cause a fantastic number of times on a daily basis. I could just never hit submit and leave this be text on my screen. But then I couldn't tell you about horses. State trivia time! In the state where everything is OK, one thing is definitely not okay. The State of Oklahoma, it's against the law to purposefully cause any equine to lose its balance. Bitches may be trippin', but if you don't want that misdemeanor charge, mares best not be. Horse tripping is apparently a rodeo event, from what I'm told. prevnext +8 -Favorite +Favorite Unblock User's Content Block User's Content Sub/Block Channels Funisvoting:UploadUnblockBlockSubUnsubsubs: 290