FJ Nation 47: Forest Creatures & a Rocky Mountain HighshirigamiRank: #3899 FunisvotingBlocksBlocks prevnext Prev Next Welcome to the start of looooooong FJ Nation. The internet is slow and the posts are long, but we have all the same content for you. I have to keep things to a mimimum to save space, unfortunately, and I don’t have legal trivia on my phone, so the one change is we won’t have that little closing card. It’d get lost in this mess anyways… So without further ado, Issue No. 1432, Issue No. 1133, and the RESULTS section of this paper. join list: FunnyStates (51 subs)Mention History RESULTS: Issue No. 52: Is It Art or Is It Porn? “Nude art is becoming wildly popular.” “Book Repository” Banner Unlocked (Develop quality libraries.)Issue No. 1041: A Sport Retort “The best-of-the-best athletes have been replaced by the best-of-the-mediocre.”Issue No. 456: Heads Will Roll “Motorcycle riders are required to wear so much gear they’ve been nicknamed ‘Stay Pufts’.” “Stadium” Banner Unlocked (Develop healthy citizens.) ISSUES:Issue No. 1432: Oh Dear The Issue: Shared videos and whispered rumours of a strange creature lurking in the woods near Bad Gateway 502 have been going viral on the internet. Debate Points: 1. “I heard this rascally rabid cryptid has cloven hooves, like a devil. It’s clearly a dangerous threat to Peoples Republic of FunnyJunk and must be terminated!” exclaims Defence Secretary Elmo Thudd, adjusting the earflaps on his rabbit fur hunter’s hat. “If we allow this beast to continue roaming our land, it will surely lead to the death of hundreds! I say we deploy a couple of army battalions to hunt down and kill it before that happens!” 2. “Whoa, whoa, let’s not be so hasty now!” pleads scientific researcher Reynard Moulder, whose T-shirt declares that he wants to believe. “Look, I agree that this leather-skinned beast cannot be allowed to roam the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk, but instead of killing it, we should be looking to learn from its mysteries. I propose we use Kirlian cameras and dowsing to locate its mystic trail, then capture it for study.” 3. “No way man, that’d be a blasphemy against nature!” yells New Age mystic and religious leader Jefferson Aeroglider. “I glimpsed this glorious creature and saw it had antlered horns, like Cernunnos or Naigamesha! Trying to capture the divine would be an insult against Gaia! We should just block off the forest where it lives and create a sanctified nature reserve where profane humanity is forbidden, save for the occasional religious rite or fertility ritual.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively. 4. “Kill it, experiment on it, worship it... Come on everyone, are we really this stupid?” asks unemployed TV personality Adam Fierce. “This so-called ‘new creature’ is obviously a hoax to troll people, or maybe some marketing gimmick to promote an upcoming movie. I mean, the quality of the videos is terrible! One so-called witness claimed that the beast couldn’t see him because he was dressed in orange. Does that sound like a real thing to you? What I propose we do is promote critical thinking, with a state-funded TV show centred around myth-busting. Why yes, I am available...” 5. Dismiss the Issue The Beast of Many Bucks? Nimrod, the Great Hunter. Stange evidence. This nature fertility sacrifice is nuts. HoaxDebunkers. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 1133: Rocky Road The Issue: Nearly two dozen sightseers were injured yesterday in a rockfall. Their tour bus, which had been travelling through a scenic mountainous region in northern People’s Republic of FunnyJunk, was struck by a large boulder as it tumbled down a steep slope. The accident has resulted in calls to protect roadways in areas prone to rockfalls. Debate Points: 1. “I just wanted to see the sights. Instead I got slammed by clastic sedimentary rocks!” exclaims rockfall survivor and geologist Kellyanne Siskel, cuts and bruises visible on her extremities. “After the accident, the first thing I did was get down on my hands and knees and thank my lucky stars. The next thing I did was wonder how the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk could even allow something like this to occur! Motorists shouldn’t have to worry about conglomerates crashing into them! Protective roadside barriers and fences should be erected in areas where rockfalls are common.” 2. “It was a tragedy, for sure, yet another example why safety should never be taken for granite,” states environmentalist Pedro Berlusconi. “Constructing roadside barriers and fences just isn’t worth it, and not only because they’d break the bank. In doing their duty, they’d also mar some of the most beautiful roadside views in the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk and disrupt local wildlife. Of course, people’s safety is important, so posting warning signs along the roadside is an appropriate measure to take. If a driver can’t spot a huge boulder coming at them, then maybe they shouldn’t be allowed on the roads in the first place.” 3. “They say it takes millions of years for mountainous regions to form,” explains Victoria Gutierrez, CEO of one of the largest mining companies in the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk. “If you allow us to perform mountaintop removal mining, rockfalls and the ugly, eroding mountains and cliffs responsible for causing them will be a thing of the past. Drivers will have peace of mind, certain that they will reach their destination in one piece. All the while, the economy will benefit from the minerals extracted from the excavation sites! I mean, talk about killing two birds with one stone!” 4. Dismiss the Issue For Those Prepared to Rock? Rock and rollers put behind bars. Let he who is without sin spot the first stone. Blow your top. Dismiss. 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