FJ Nation 42: Liquid Gold, Glittering White, and Cold Hard GreenshirigamiRank: #3377 FunisvotingBlocksBlocks prevnext Prev Next Ladies and gentlemen, I am back and covered in cheese. How is that relevant? I'm typing at you with one finger, and it's none of the ones I'm good at typing with. I will do my absolute best to bring you Issues No. 957, No. 733, No. 209, and the RESULTS with the fullest range of my pinkie finger. Startiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing... NOW. join list: FunnyStates (51 subs)Mention History RESULTS: Issue No. 479: Leader, Put on the Yellow Light "People's Republic of FunnyJunk City's iconic yellow taxis are nowhere to be seen."Issue No. 671: Adenine, Thymine, Copyright, and Guanine "Biotech companies are fined if their jumbled genetic sequences look too familiar." ISSUES:Issue No. 957: Putrid Predicament The Issue: A sudden rise in the popularity of stinky foods has hit the People's Republic of FunnyJunk. Increasing numbers of commuters are ferrying the offensive foodstuffs on public transport, clogging vehicles in an unpleasant stench and repulsing fellow riders. Debate Points: 1. “They smell absolutely, utterly vile, Leader!” complains Ronald Kardashian, a regular commuter. “That bloody overpowering stench of stinky foods like that of durians can persist for several days, rendering enclosed spaces like trains or buses a horrible nightmare for commuters such as myself. You should prohibit all foul foods from being brought onto public transport, and spare our noses from this malodorous, agonizing assault.” 2. “We haven’t even mentioned the danger that they pose!” adds the obsessive Minister of Public Safety, passing you an informative pamphlet on food safety. “Other putrid foods like mature bries can harbor mold that act as vectors for food-borne diseases, and durians have hazardously sharp spikes that can cause serious injuries. They pose major health risks towards our people that we cannot overlook! In order to prevent a public health disaster, we must banish every single one of these foodstuffs from our nation.” 3. “This is simply unbelievable!” rages obscure food connoisseur Aldo Reed, while handing out fermented tofu. “I’ll have you know that these redolent foods are a gift from the gods, and dismissing any of them because of their unique aromas is simply childish. Why should the gastronomic cognoscenti be denied such delectable delicacies due to a few overly sensitive neurotics? In fact, I think it is imperative you promote these foods as national dishes and have them served during state dinners.” 4. “I believe that the ‘joys’ of stinky foods would be better appreciated on the battlefield,” mutters Dorothy Wynne, the army’s Head Researcher, as she cracks open the husk of a durian with a sinister grin on her face. “It is clear that their potent stenches are simply unparalleled in their power. If we were to extract, intensify, and mass produce each of the repulsive chemical compounds in the foodstuffs that cause this, then we would be able to employ them as chemical weapons against our adversaries! Nobody would stand in our way once we let them rip!” 5. Dismiss the Issue The Funk of Forty Thousand Foods? Crack down or crack a window. Cut cheese to prevent disease. All smells must be dealt with. Stink bombs put millions in Dutch ovens. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 733: The Path Less Traveled The Issue: While the People's Republic of FunnyJunk’s northern ports bustle with trade during the summer time, this flurry of activity freezes to a standstill at the onset of winter when thick sheets of ice form over the frigid waters. This seasonal impasse both severely limits economic productivity and makes resupply of the region difficult. Debate Points: 1. “Leader, we have a brilliant opportunity!” excitedly cheers Sue-Ann Gray, the mayor of one of the cities. “Imagine, our city, a front to the world in both summer and winter. All we need to do is develop and deploy a whole fleet of state-of-the-art icebreakers the likes of which the world has never seen before! I can just picture it now: hundreds of ships, thousands of tourists, and millions of thumbs worth of goods coming from across the globe to my port... err, the People's Republic of FunnyJunk.” 2. “Why spend money on expensive icebreakers when good old-fashioned railroads can do the work year round?” questions infamous rail tycoon Cecil Vanderbilt, as his assistant places a model train on your desk. “Invest in my company and ease some health and safety standards, and my men can build and maintain the tracks for a pittance. Full steam ahead! Choo choo!” 3. “Why don’t we just stockpile before winter?” asks Beth Mulder, an advocate of human hibernation. “We bring in everything we need in autumn and don’t worry about nothin’ in winter. You can help defray the cost of our survival by funding winter fuel allowances and cold weather food supplies for the poorest in the area.” 4. “I have ze perfect solution,” announces crazed crackpot climatologist Gene Tano. “Mein data shows zat ze ice is ziner each passing year due in part to global varming. Now, vhy don’t ve just hurry it up by pumping ze atmosphere full of more chlorofluorocarbon? All zis ice will go bye-bye in under a decade! How cool vould zat be? Vell, not cool, you know... zere’d be no ice.” 5. Dismiss the Issue Reach a Breakthrough? Why don't we take the port ice and PUSH IT somewhere else? Dashing through the snow. Hibernate for the winter. The Pokemon Ruby solution. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No 209: Students Demand Financial Aid The Issue: Students from many universities in the People's Republic of FunnyJunk are protesting about the rising financial cost of studying at university and are demanding that the government provide more financial aid to students. Debate Points: 1. “We need money now,” screams Rinzi Shakespeare, a student from one of the top-achieving universities in the People's Republic of FunnyJunk. “All these tuition fees are just too much! I need that money to spend on books, study materials, accommodation, and alco- well, uh, you get the gist of it. All these fees are doing is preventing people from poorer backgrounds achieving their potential. The government ought to pay for all university expenses. After all if nobody went to university where would all the doctors and teachers come from?” 2. “OH GOD NO THE EXPENSE!” screeches Abraham Barry, your Minister of Education before eventually calming down. “No, no. This is not a good idea. Do you know how high the tax rate is already without introducing something like this? We should be making tuition fees higher if anything. University is a privilege, not a right, and only the elite should be allowed within those walls. And by elite, of course, I mean rich.” 3. “These young people are the greatest resource our nation has,” says Debra Grant, a famous demographer. “If you’re going to discourage them from going to university then you’re cheating our nation out of its potential. What I suggest is government-funded loans to students from poor families. That way we can have the best of both worlds without the expense. Admittedly, some may still not be able to afford it but there’s no pleasing some people.” 4. “Why bother with universities anyway?” asks refuse collector Jamling Mulcair. “These students could be working and earning a living instead of wasting time and money learning things with no point whatsoever. Who needs to know about ancient Maxtopian poetry, huh? Who would hire you for that? There are plenty of jobs out there, so why don’t they go and get one? I’ll tell you why: it’s because they are lazy. I propose the government withdraw all support for universities in Peoples Republic of FunnyJunk, so people instead go get a job after they leave school. With all the money saved we can have a well-deserved tax cut too.” 5. Dismiss. No Dollar Left Behind? Community college. Private schooling. Invest in the future! Something something learn a trade. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) So ends our saga for today. Check the sticky for important info, because we've hit a milestone! As for the state trivia, I take you to the Big Sky country. You can give a mouse a cookie, but you can't give a rat's ass. The State of Montana specifically outlaws giving away rats, with the exception of being food for raptors and reptiles. I'm sure there's plenty of rats to go around in a state as big as Montana anyways. prevnext +10 -Favorite +Favorite Unblock User's Content Block User's Content Sub/Block Channels Funisvoting:UploadUnblockBlockSubUnsubsubs: 297