FJ Nation 39: Praying & Crashing PlanesshirigamiRank: #3899 FunisvotingBlocksBlocks prevnext Prev Next Hey there, cool cats. Not only is it anime night for me, there's also a good rotation on Salmon Run in Splatoon 2, so I hopefully get this one out before getting too distracted. We got Issues No. 914 and No. 652, and a bunch of RESULTS. So, get your back up off the wall, and let's get down on it! join list: FunnyStates (51 subs)Mention History RESULTS: Issue No. 1217: Monkey Business "It can be a real jungle in a modern courtroom."Issue No. 94: Computer Users Fed Up with Heaps of Spam! "The government is making attempts at curtailing the flood of spam emails with little progress." "Green is the Morrow" Banner Unlocked (Address 100 Issues.)Issue No. 54: Time to Put the Older Senators Out to Pasture? "Strict term limits have been applied to all elected offices." New Policy: Term Limits - Elected representatives must leave office after a legally mandated amount of time. ISSUES:Issue No. 914: Shepherds without a Flock The Issue: Religious attendance has hit rock bottom and many formerly thriving houses of faith are now abandoned. City planners have called a meeting to discuss the topic and, to their surprise, more people came to the meeting than to all religious services in the last year combined. Debate Points: 1. “You know what would be really cool?” asks your nephew’s hip best friend. “If you’d turn all of these structures into something meaningful, like skate parks! These buildings are virtually perfect for half-pipes all along the halls! Can you think of any better place to do some sick flips than in a repurposed temple? And there would be some health benefits for young people, right?” 2. “Mind your manners!” snaps a grey-haired man in a lab coat as he slams a ruler on the skater’s head. “For centuries, houses of worship were epicenters of indoctrination and persecution. What could be more fitting than to turn them into beacons of knowledge? These structures would certainly be a good place to expand People's Republic Of FunnyJunk City University’s library. Furthermore, I can think of at least a dozen colleagues who are looking for a place to run a lab in.” 3. “Instead of wasting them on mad scientists, why don’t we turn these spaces into affordable housing?” suggests Sophie Zukerburg, parent of three. “With an ever-growing population, it is only a question of time until we run into a serious overcrowding problem! We cannot waste empty buildings for anything else but living quarters for those who need them.” 4. “It pains my heart to see our community shrink so much,” sighs Brother Andy Fils-Aimé. “I agree that we don’t need a house of worship on every corner nowadays, but let us at least keep some that remain. If we turn some of them into multi-faith community centers, we might even get some rows filled again.” 5. “Multi-faith community centers? Skate parks and blasphemers in our holy halls? Are you out of your minds?” screams religious fundamentalist Frasier Matsenjwa. “You have left this country in the hands of the sinners for far too long! You have brought us upon the path of damnation, but it is not too late to repent! Make religious services mandatory and this problem will solve itself in less time than I need to describe the Creator’s glory.” 6. “Just bulldoze ‘em all,” wheezes middle-aged construction worker Lara Snape whilst coughing into a stained handkerchief. “Y’all are talking about repurposing buildings, whilst I see prime real estate being wasted. Tear ‘em down, sell the land, and build whatever the new developers want there.” 7. Dismiss the Issue Worship No Worse Off? Say a prayer unto Ollie, for he be sick. The good book. Wash the feet of the beggar, in his brand new shower. Love thy neighbor. DEUS VULT, INFIDEL. The blessed land of GOD, General Outsourcing Developers. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 652: Mayday! Mayday! The Issue: Three weeks ago, Oceanic Airlines Flight 209 disappeared from radar, and now a crash has been confirmed, with debris scattered across the sea, and the missing two hundred passengers and crew officially declared dead and lost. This tragedy was only the most recent airplane catastrophe departing from the People's Republic of FunnyJunk, and anxious flyers are demanding immediate safety improvements. Debate Points: 1. “Clearly these disasters mean we are long overdue for new aircraft,” states Oceanic Airlines CEO Fatima Dubois while playing with a model jet. “These crashes are caused by outdated, crumbling, and ugly aircraft like the Moeing 606 and the Airtrolley T300. In fact, the average age of any given plane is thirty years! We live in a technological and automated world. It’s time our planes joined the modern world, too! We can build a next generation fleet if the government gave us some funding. Then our skies and safety reputation will be second to none!” 2. “Our aircraft aren’t the problem, it’s who’s flying the plane!” replies pilot Hudson Sullenburger, running a flight simulator for students. “Did you know that pilot error is the number one cause of accidents? They’ve become lazy, sleep-deprived, and constantly tardy! We need more stringent measures on the training of pilots. We can introduce more intense and hands-on testing and ban anyone without a license from flying. Flying a plane is much more complex than video games make them look.” The trainer now looks at the class and picks on a student. “Now Joey, you ever been in a ******* before? Or have you seen gladiator movies?” 3. “I see these crashes all the time,” sighs Kurt Licorish, a lead investigator of aviation crashes. “The reason they disappear from radar is because they break-up mid-flight. Maintenance is the obvious problem. We need to require airlines and airports to perform constant maintenance checks on all aircraft and ground any plane with the slightest defect. Yes, that might be costly, but not maintaining planes is even costlier.” 4. “Do you know how much time and money I waste dealing with all these regulations?” rhetorically asks Rebecca Scott, CEO of Budget Air, an airline so cheap that passengers have to pay extra to have a seat. “We’re talking about metal boxes flying at 20,000 feet in the sky. Of course things are bound to go wrong once in a while! To make things worse my staff are constantly harassed by these government goons. No wonder my pilots are stressed out! The government needs to get off our backs and let us handle things ourselves!” 5. “I know a perfect solution!” joyously suggests train enthusiast Zebediah Banks. “The solution is to ban all airplanes! Not only are they clearly unsafe; they’re loud, ugly, and are a big contributor to greenhouse gases! Surely we can rely on safer transportation, like trains or boats, for travel. They’re much less susceptible to delays, crashes, and only a fraction of a pollutant compared to planes! All we need is more funding for public transit. You call them slow. I call them scenic.” 6. Dismiss the Issue Flight of the Coward? Concordes age like fine wines. HOOAH, AIRMEN. Theseus' airship paradox. Paperless planes. The way of the dodo. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Thus concludes this slightly earlier edition of FunnyJunk NationStates! Likewise, it's just in time for me to half-ignore Black Clover. Since I feel like giving out a legal fun fact anyways, I'll give you TWO facts for the price of no more than two! First, if you want a drink in public, you better watch your back. It's well known public intoxication is a crime across America. Exceeeeeeeeeeeept... Minnesota, a place with no significant amounts of small carbonated beverages, explicitly outlines the legality of public intoxication. So again, DO NOT go out drinking in public*! *Unless you're in Minnesota. Second fact: Ever been in a state of absolute concentration in a game? A focus so intense, you may even consider it the human equivalent of autonomous ultra-instinct when playing? This is called "flow" in the realm of psychology, high level of difficulty perfectly countered by a high level of proficiency. I thought I'd bring it up since I've been thinking of all the times my friends and I achieved it at the same time, creating a wombo combo of awe. Those were fun times. May you all reach this enlightened state in all your future games! prevnext +10 -Favorite +Favorite Unblock User's Content Block User's Content Sub/Block Channels Funisvoting:UploadUnblockBlockSubUnsubsubs: 297