FJ Nation 28: Wanderlust, Short Shorts, a Mountain of ProblemsshirigamiRank: #3377BlocksBlocks prevnext Prev Next It's another cool, rainy day here, and I hope all you tuning in are keeping dry. We got some Issues for you, No. 195, No. 504, and No. 1029, as well as some RESULTS coming up for you. join list: FunnyStates (51 subs)Mention History RESULTS: Issue No. 1450: Driving Leader "Leader's used car is held together by bumper stickers that support the opposition."Issue No. 1446: Yet Another Issue about Periods "Children spend all morning taking out a comma, and all afternoon putting it back in again." "Vista" Banner Unlocked (Be cultured.) "Crisp Morning" Banner Unlocked (Address 75 Issues.) ISSUES:Issue No. 195: Right of Way or Wrong of Way? The Issue: An increasing number of land owners have been fencing off footpaths which run through or near their property and as a result you have been petitioned by The Ramblers’ and Hikers’ Association to allow the ‘right to roam’. Debate Points: 1. Danni Holst, a famous hiker of the People's Republic of FunnyJunk’s countryside, storms into your office, arms waving dangerously. “These pompous land owners are fencing off hundreds of years of tradition! The public should have right of way by law! It is every man’s right to be able to enjoy the scenic beauty of our native lands and I don’t see why some toffee-nosed prat should be the only person allowed to walk around his hundreds of acres of land when most of us don’t even have one! It’s simply unforgivable! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going for a walk! Wherever I ruddy well like!” 2. “It’s trespass, plain and simple,” says Jake Pence, wealthy owner of six mansions. “My home is my castle! If these smelly ramblers think they can abuse and defile my land, they should start thinking again! You’ve got to look at this reasonably: where people go, pollution follows. Before I know it I’m going to have litter in my fields, drunken parties in my woods, and more eroded footpaths than I can count! Will they be the ones paying to have it all maintained? Not likely! I say no to this ‘right to roam’ rubbish! This land is mine, and I intend to keep it that way.” 3. “There’s an opportunity in every problem,” says Miranda Warner, your Minister of Rural Affairs. “And there’s always some sort of compromise. We could simply allocate some government funding to teams of environmental workers to maintain and promote our network of footpaths that anyone may use... for a price. Think of the money we could get from all those hikers and ramblers! Not to mention the tourists, birdwatchers, and hippies! Everybody wins! Except for those who can’t afford the fees, I guess, but you can’t please everyone.” 4. Dismiss the Issue One Way or the Other? This too shall pass. They shall not pass. Green from the greenery. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 504: Short Shorts Too Short? The Issue: Dress codes for young women are in the news again after a violent clash between parents on opposite sides of the issue. The ringleaders have been dragged into your office by your Minister of Education for an impromptu arbitration and time-out. Debate Points: 1. “My daughter was sent home from her school because of her shorts,” exclaims Gretel Cartman, mother of two young teenage girls who look more like college students. “They said that her clothing was distracting the boys and lowering grades. What a bunch of sexist nonsense! Why are you people so fixated with what girls wear? These weak-minded boys need to learn some self-control before they enter the workforce.” 2. Xerxes Howell, red-faced father of two sons, approaches your desk while your guards eye him cautiously. “Her dang daughter was wearing shorts so short you could see her gosh-darn gluteal fold! If she dressed like that downtown, she’d be attacked! You need to ban these shorts for the good of the youth of the People's Republic of FunnyJunk.” 3. “This God-fearing man is right, but we need to go even further!” says angry street preacher, Chip Peters, who was not even invited to this meeting. “We must make all women cover up from the wrist to the ankle! In fact, to reduce temptation, we should just issue proper uniforms for everyone. Those who disobey the dress code should face public trial and shaming.” 4. Finally, fifteen year old Colleen sits down at your desk, barely looking at you while she types vigorously at her smartphone. “Jeez, like, get off my back. I can, like, wear whatever I want. Boys are so stupid sometimes. Look at these shorts; they’re even patriotic!” She stands up and does a twirl to show her short shorts are in your national colours with People's Republic of FunnyJunk emblazoned across the backside. “Pretty nice right?” She smacks her gum loudly, takes a selfie, and goes back to texting. 5. Dismiss the Issue Cut Off from Fashion? Keep boys on the straight cut and narrow. Sweats the small stuff. No breeches of uniform. The right to bare legs. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 1029: Frozen Assets The Issue: A Junky mountain climber was lost in a remote province of Dàguó, atop a peak known as the Mother of All Mountains. She is most likely dead, but without the body, her relatives have had trouble collecting death benefits and inheriting her estate. Debate Points: 1. “It’s hard enough losing her without having to deal with all this red tape!” sobs the climber’s tearful sister, gazing distressedly at the late climber’s 8th century porcelain vase collection. “This is just adding insult on top of injury! We all know she’s not coming back, so please, just help us get a piece of... uh, I mean help us find peace!” 2. “Just because Athena Hawkins climbed the Mother of All Mountains doesn’t mean it’s her job to help her grasping relatives climb the social ladder,” sneers cantankerous left-wing blogger Filipe Osborne. “Have the government seize her property for now, and hold it in trust until she turns up, dead or alive.” 3. “Perhaps I can help your government resolve this issue,” offers mountain guide Hirsa Hendi Sherpa. “It might be possible to recover Athena’s body, if you’re willing to fund the search. With a well-organized search of the 30,000-foot peak, we’ll almost certainly find your woman. Then all the paperwork will be simple and her family can give her a proper funeral.” 4. Dismiss the Issue Lonely at the Top? Red tape dead, inheritance redeemed. You can't take it with you. Taken down by the state. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) I actually do have NationStates news for you guys before I sign off for the night. NationStates's World Census officially added two new statistics to the game to measure us by: Patriotism and Food Quality! Now we can measure whether our food is as good as the Italians and our military as loyal as the British, or our food as good as the British and our military as loyal as the Italians! prevnext +8 -Favorite +Favorite Unblock User's Content Block User's Content