FJ Nation 18: Illegals, Drugs, and PrisonshirigamiRank: #3377BlocksBlocks prevnext Prev Next Return of the mack. It's time for more nation building and maintaining. What is it today? It's Issues No. 1280, No. 801, and No. 994. Nothing interesting happened to me today, so let's just jump right into the RESULTS, huh? join list: FunnyStates (51 subs)Mention History RESULTS: Issue No. 810: Armed and Unready "The nation is famous for bravely sending wave after wave of its soldiers until the enemy runs out of bullets."Issue No. 922: I'll Have What She's Having "Junky scientists are mixing chewing tobacco and bacon flavoring in an attempt to craft the perfect male snack." "A Many Splendored Land" Banner Unlocked (Address 50 Issues.) ISSUES:Issue No. 1280: The Amazing, but Illegal, Spiderman The Issue: On live TV yesterday, a seven-year-old girl was dangling and struggling to hold onto a sixth-floor balcony railing — as emergency services had been delayed by a stampede of wild geese — only to be rescued by Usman Waialiki, an illegal immigrant, who heroically climbed up the side of the building and brought her safely to ground level. Debate Points: 1. “Of course we’re grateful,” begins Arthur Cullen, your Immigration Chief, as he slams the rule book on your desk. “However, illegal immigration is illegal immigration and we’re a nation of laws. Despite his good deed, I’m afraid that we have no choice but to deport him. Heroic acts will not get you any special privileges.” 2. “My PR senses are tingling!” declares Ethel King, your Press Secretary, as she puts a comb through your hair. “We should give this Usman fellow legal status and an official presentation at your office. One good deed deserves another, so make an exception for him. In fact, why don’t you hand out medals at posh ceremonies for every caring citizen? The press coverage will do you wonders!” 3. “That brave man saved my daughter!” proclaims Prudence Rodriguez, the girl’s mother. “He absolutely must be given legal status. In fact, you should give citizenship to all illegal immigrants that are already here, as this incident proves that they aren’t all ‘bad people’. We should give them all the benefit of the doubt.” 4. “So, these immigrants seem pretty good at climbing then?” posits Peggy Zukerburg, your Employment Minister. “Why don’t we fast-track their citizenship applications and put them in jobs where climbing is required? There are window-cleaners, glaziers, tree-trimmers, roofers — they should be excellent at those kinds of jobs. Let’s face it, most Junkies are scared of heights.” 5. Dismiss the Issue Arañombre? I want that crawling arachnid prosecuted! Bring me pictures of immigrants! It's not illegal, it's undocumented. With great power comes great employment. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 801: Animation Provocation The Issue: When media boss Ian Tivruski green-lighted a new Brancalandian animated series for the Junky Kids Network, he thought he was commissioning a delightful children’s show about metal-working amazons who knit cozy jumpers for their grandkids. As it turns out, the surprisingly explicit animation Sword Heroins: Love Needle has caused a lot of confusion amongst young viewers, and upset many parents. Debate Points: 1. “Innocent children’s minds need to be protected from such corruption,” declares noted moral guardian Maria Polytunnel. “To achieve this, we should set up a Children’s Regulatory Animation Panel, with me as its fully-paid leader, of course. We can then deem what is and what is not suitable for broadcast.” 2. “Should we blame these images on TV? No! Blame Brancaland!” declares angry mother Sheila Brelufski. “We should send tanks, and planes, and soldiers to the Brancalandian borders, threatening war unless they stop making this filth!” 3. “I don’t get why people are complaining, to be honest,” dissembles Tivruski defensively. “Clearly, we added ‘Sword Heroins’ to our line-up to educate children about the dangers of peer pressure, drug abuse, and challenging everyone you vaguely dislike to a duel. Let us broadcast what we like when we like, even if it does challenge the tastes of some of our more easily offended viewers. Stand up for free speech, and endorse our decision, Leader.” 4. “I think we’re ignoring a broader issue here,” bemoans frustrated animator Parker Stonetrey, “which is that animated art forms are never taken seriously enough to be considered anything more than kiddie fare. I say that we develop the People's Republic of FunnyJunk’s artistic vision and creativity by subsidising adult animation. When people think the People's Republic of FunnyJunk, they should think hentai!” 5. Dismiss the Issue This is the one of the ones I was talking about. Click this f****** button to support this b*******. Cancel culture. Click this fucking button to support this bullshit. It's called hentai, and it's ART. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 994: The Life of Riley The Issue: A recent TV documentary revealed that some prisoners are living the high life while incarcerated. For those that can afford it, almost anything can be bought inside jails, including extended living space, state-of-the-art TVs, fridges, air-conditioning and even original works of art. Debate Points: 1. “How long have prison governors been allowing these illegal transactions to take place?” rages Colin Gonzalez, Minister of Prisons, engaging in the time-honoured tradition of politicians not taking responsibility for their own departments. “Prison should be a punishment, not a holiday! We must crack down on everyone who has been abusing the system. Donate all their luxury goods to charity and transfer them back into the prison’s general population, where they can share a cell with ten other people. Any prison officer that is found to have colluded with these inmates should be fired immediately!” 2. “The problem is the low wages of prison officers,” declares Warden Iris Morris, as she gives an inmate a sandalwood oil back massage. “Our meagre salaries mean that officers will do anything to supplement it. We have families to take care of, and bills to pay. How else could I have bought a second home if I hadn’t had had a little ‘help’ from the more affluent detainees? Increase our pay and I’m sure we’ll be inclined to conduct our duty much more professionally.” 3. “Let’s not be hasty,” says Sandra Taffs, an ex-minister of yours who was jailed for corruption, speaking to you from her prison cell via a private video-link. “Is this really so bad? I have become accustomed to a certain level of living and there’s no fair reason why I should be denied the chance to spend my private wealth simply because of my incarceration. Besides, all this is good for the economy, isn’t it? Just make the whole arrangement legal and official, and whole new retail markets will open up.” She turns to an officer standing behind her. “Officer, could you be a darling and get me a new mahogany dresser? Here’s a bundle of cash, buy your lady a new dress while you’re out!” 4. Dismiss the Issue Soap Too Expensive to Drop? Dig up the underground. Iron guard, golden wage. Maximum security, maximum comfort. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) That concludes our Issues for today, folks. We finally got a hentai Issue too! That's pretty neat, huh? As for today's ending trivia, another strange ruling in the USA. In an effort to keep the peace, it has officially been outlawed to honk your car horn outside a sandwich shop after 9PM. I guess you better not be loud and hungry at night. prevnext +10 -Favorite +Favorite Unblock User's Content Block User's Content