FJ Nation 124: Air, Land, & SeashirigamiRank: #3897 FunisvotingBlocksBlocks prevnext Prev Next The time has come and so have you to the next edition of FJNS. Today, we ride, for it is the time of Issues No. 725, No. 61, and No. 96. And remember, one if by land, two if by sea, and the fourth power of i plus the thirteenth root of eight thousand one hundred and ninety-two if by air. Mount up, everybody. join list: FunnyStates (51 subs)Mention History RESULTS: Issue No. 1130: Flash Crash Cash Dash “The only thing slower than the economy is the exchange where it's managed.” Issue No. 346: Oil's Well That Ends Well “Oil executives can be seen reluctantly cleaning oil-soaked birds.” The People’s Republic of FunnyJunk’s Economy fell from Strong to Good. ISSUES:Issue No. 725: Sky’s the Limit? The Issue: Chaos erupted in the capital this weekend when thousands flocked to the city center in hopes of acquiring one of the few recently available apartment spaces in all of Bad Gateway 502. Fighting quickly ensued, sending hundreds to the hospital. Afterwards, footage emerged of you watching the all-out brawl from your office window while eating popcorn. With public outcry mounting, you furtively lick your buttery fingers clean and wonder how to best handle this housing situation. Debate Points: 1. An architect, who coincidentally also built your office, suddenly leaps into the room from a hidden passageway you never knew existed. “Admin, there’s a simple solution to this conundrum: abolish any and all height restrictions on our buildings. Just picture it, apartment complexes hundred of stories tall with radio antennae that bedeck the sky in Junky architectural glory. Chip in a few extra thumbs, and we can even make some floating palaces while we’re at it!” 2. “Why go up when you can go down?” posits miner Sofia ‘Mole’ Molière after digging up through your floorboards. “Just put us pitmen and hauliers to the task, and we can dig out a fully-functional, subterranean wonderland in no time at all. Not to mention, we’ll no longer have to fear aerial attacks or sunburns again! If naysayers and dissidents don’t like being made to live underground, just lock the access tunnels and the problem solves itself.” 3. “What’s all this nonsense I hear from afar?” exclaims Genghis Cesar Bonaparte, your Minister of Historical Reenactments, while charging into the room upon his armored steed. He plants a flag upon your desk and proclaims, “My territory now! Anyway, the really obvious solution to your problem is to eliminate housing deeds and rental agreements in Bad Gateway 502. Simply take what abode pleases you... and if any pesky ‘owner’ stands in your way, fight them like how our warring and wayfaring ancestors of old did.” He then rips up a copy of the city’s bylaws and scoffs, “Who cares about all this legal mumbo-jumbo anyway?” 4. Dismiss the Issue The Rent is Too Damn High? Buy a Shop: Infinite. Stay grounded beneath reality. Mad Max: Furious Tenants Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 61: Should the Government Grant Estates and Titles of Nobility? The Issue: A peculiar confederacy of small-government advocates, regular attendees at the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk’s annual Medieval Faire, and the super rich have demanded that the government grant estates and confer titles of nobility upon certain influential persons. Debate Points: 1. “I humbly submit myself for Duke of Bad Gateway 502,” says multi-billionaire Bahram Glover. “Not only would it be an apt reward for my contributions to the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk, but the citizens who become landed serfs on my estate would work harder than they ever have in all their lives.” Adds small-government advocate Hiro Moneypenny, “Government would at last return to the local level, close to the people and the land to which they would be bound for life.” 2. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this,” exclaims noted civil rights advocate May Suparman. “Those who are behind this espouse a system that grants inordinate amounts of institutional power to the rich and ensures that no one will be able to climb the social ladder. Everyone in society must be granted an equal opportunity to succeed or fail. Say ‘no’ to a nobility!” 3. “I think both of the other parties are taking this issue to the extreme,” argues a learned elderly gentleman resting on a park bench. “All that’s being advocated is giving those who have contributed to their nation a ceremonial title and a bit of land. Besides,” he adds, “the government can tax their estate.” 4. “A good day to thee, milord,” counters Stephen Campbell, an amateur Medieval Faire actor dressed in period costume, “I would suggest that thou hasten thyself to spectate at the jousting competition this forenoon. Aye, quite a bout we have arrayed for thee this day. However, the whole affair could be much grander if only we received a few more gold crownes from the government. Aye, ‘twould be a grand tourney of knightly skill and courage indeed!” 5. Dismiss the Issue Pass the Duchy? The Memeocrat’s Forum of the Shitposter’s Crown of FunnyJunk. Off with the other heads! Now YOU TOO can buy a comment space in the Items Board! Hark! I’ve collapsed and am henceforth unable to rise! Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 96: Water Supply Problems Becoming a Major Drain The Issue: Due to the explosive population growth in the People’s Republic of FunnyJunk, coupled with recent droughts, people are beginning to worry about the nation’s decreasing water supply, and who should get first dibs on the vital H2O. Debate Points: 1. “We need this water to raise our crops,” says incensed farmer Ashurbanipal Tan. “If it wasn’t for us farmers, the rest of Peoples Republic of FunnyJunk would be starving. How about laying the blame where it belongs, and look to those cookie cutter suburban houses with their green lawns and pristinely-washed mini-vans!” 2. “It is my right to have the most beautiful lawn in the neighborhood,” says neighborhood spokesperson Faith Case. “Our community spends a lot of effort cultivating a nice environment for our kids to grow up in. Why, if they didn’t have these nice lawns to play in, they would be hanging out on street corners peddling drugs, or worse! Won’t someone please think of the children?” 3. “Here is a novel idea,” proclaims Khethelo Hudson, spokesperson for radical environmental group Leave Nature Alone. “How about getting rid of all these dams and irrigation projects that are getting in the way of Mother Nature’s plans for the water? It is time to allow the rivers to take their natural courses and leave the environment alone. I’m sure things will work out fine if we let Nature take her course.” 4. “Obviously, who gets how much water is only a part of the problem,” notes famed population-control advocate Penny Phillips. “We must try to curtail the rapid growth of our population, whether by limiting the amount of children people may have, or by deporting immigrants and criminals... we must get a handle on our population before we can hope to correct this water supply problem.” 5. Dismiss the Issue Hail Hydrant? Get wet and start plowing. Try to catch them ridin’ dirty. Now is the summer of your discontent. Back over the Rio. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) I don’t have any legally based trivia, but I can tell you that the state sport of Maryland is jousting. Nothing other than that though, because I’m on mobile. prevnext +8 -Favorite +Favorite Unblock User's Content Block User's Content Sub/Block Channels Funisvoting:UploadUnblockBlockSubUnsubsubs: 288
