FJ Nation 114: Undead, Unrefundable, and UnrepentantshirigamiRank: #3899 FunisvotingBlocksBlocks prevnext Prev Next Apologies for the continually shifting schedule, folks. I'm not sure what my sleep schedule is, but it's not day or night. The game will continue as planned, I'll just have to adjust both during the week. In the meantime, please see Issues No. 1013, No. 625, and No. 1139. join list: FunnyStates (51 subs)Mention History RESULTS:Issue No. 1467: Gay Men Held by Police "The government offers gay men mildly offensive tips on how to pass as straight."Issue No. 628: Only Leader Can Prevent Forest Fires "The phrase 'spreading like wildfire' is no longer in the public lexicon." ISSUES:Issue No. 1013: Grave Disease The Issue: A group of teenagers have stumbled across an abandoned graveyard in the highest mountains of the People's Republic of FunnyJunk containing bodies infected with a new, unknown, and deadly strain of Maxtopian Pox — a disease previously thought eradicated. With the infected teenagers isolated in hospital, you have called an emergency meeting with top virologists to discuss available options. Debate Points: 1. “This virus, inadvertently reactivated following permafrost excavation, was thought to be fully eradicated a few decades ago,” exclaims Agnieszka Marshall, wearing a full hazmat suit. “If it spreads, it could cause devastation in the People's Republic of FunnyJunk on an unprecedented scale! Simply put, both our immune systems and the pharmacological armory are not prepared to face this threat. We must quarantine ground zero and offer vaccinations to nearby settlements, unless you want a pandemic on your hands.” 2. “Humanity eradicated the Maxtopian Pox by vaccinating every single person,” whispers public health official Doug Smetana, trying to stick a needle in you. “But these days, we have become complacent. In preparation for the inevitable outbreak, we must mandate routine vaccination against the Maxtopian Pox for everyone! Those who refuse to be vaccinated should face fines and be locked down in their own homes to prevent the disease from spreading.” 3. “Deadly disease, you say?” cheerfully asks one of your more jingoistic advisers. “This is a great opportunity to bolster our military presence in the Backend of the Internet, and you’re just letting it go to waste! I say dig up the bodies, bring them to the totally non-existent Area 50, and use them as biological weapons! Everyone’s going to think twice about attacking us now!” 4. “You can save humanity by saving the planet!” yells a messy-looking teenage protester who just entered your office through a window. “Climate change is causing the ice to melt, releasing deadly diseases that have been trapped for centuries. To prevent epidemics, we must stop climate change. Enforce tougher environmental regulations in the People's Republic of FunnyJunk. Eliminate carbon emissions! Forget the immediate crisis; we have to prevent future ones!” 5. Dismiss the Issue A Pox on Your House? Frozen in time. Stick it to the virus. Have you heard of an invention called the "trebuchet" before? A poorly thawed out idea. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 625: Delivering the Goods The Issue: Success! After months of hard work, the police have busted a contraband-smuggling operation of incredible size, with several warehouses of a variety of illegal goods broken open and the ringleaders arrested. As all are cheering the police for their fine work, the question of what you should actually do with all this contraband is being raised. Debate Points: 1. “This is something of a haul, but these aren’t trade goods anymore: they’re evidence!” says Judiciary Director Jamil Hicks. “The goods should be stored as such till the legal processes are complete, then they should be carefully destroyed with a clear accounting trail to ensure ethical practice.” 2. “So, I make it almost a billion thumbs in goods here,” ponders your Treasury Minister, staring at an unethically-sourced blood diamond. “How about we sell this stuff, as official plunder? The revenue boost would be great for this year’s budget deficit. Tax cuts are good, right? This is our stuff now, after all.” 3. “You know, I can’t help but think that a lot of this contraband wouldn’t be illegal in a more liberal country,” observes one of the smugglers, from the chair your men have tied him to. “You ever considered changing your laws to allow some free trade and personal freedom, maybe? Like, if you could personally free me, that’d be great.” 4. Dismiss the Issue Fake It 'Til You Make It? Right, sir. Lost in transport. Tax returns. Bootleg boots, contraband band albums. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 1139: A Little Wrestling, a Lot of Controversy The Issue: A dwarf wrestling tour was cut short after advocacy groups complained that it was demeaning. Debate Points: 1. “Just look at this!” fumes three-foot-tall disabled rights activist Alice Vega, waving around a poster that you can’t see for the top of your desk. “This isn’t a sporting event; this is a modern-day freak show. It even says they have a ‘midget toss’! I know the wrestlers agreed to participate, but they aren’t the only ones that have to live with the dehumanizing stereotypes. The People's Republic of FunnyJunk shouldn’t tolerate entertainment that pokes fun at people for their size or disabilities.” 2. Suddenly, a diminutive wrestler in brightly-colored spandex hurtles toward you, landing on your desk and knocking all your papers onto the floor. “Ha! What fun is life if you can’t laugh at yourself?” she says, as she rolls to her feet. “Maybe wrestling isn’t for everyone, but it’s a lot better than being unemployed or having some boring office job. We wrestlers are celebrating who we are - it’s not up to you to tell us what we can’t do. Instead, why don’t you give us some support and let us show everyone what we can do?” 3. “You’re all thinking too small,” slobbers creepy endocrinologist Dr. Earl Cotchin, leering down over the head of the wrestler and gesticulating erratically. “You’ve got to look at the big picture. We wouldn’t have to worry about any of this if we had a cure for dwarfism, right? Well, I’ve just made a huge breakthrough in hormone treatments that would allow all these people to grow to a normal height, instead of being freakishly small. All I need is some funding to make my project a reality. Yes, that’s all...” He cackles maniacally, though it’s not clear what he is finding so funny. 4. Dismiss the Issue Short Staffed? A little bit of a problem. Be part of something bigger than yourself. A tall order for the R&D department. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Normally, I'd say this is way too late to post now, and it is, but it's anime night tonight, which means there's still probably about 17 hours until I do the next post, which is good enough in my books. As for national trivia, I bring you to the cool fjords of Norway. Careful who you threaten, or rather, how you threaten them. A fist fight is a fist fight. But a fist fight to the death is a challenge. You are required to accept, and should you not maintain the resolve to kill a man with your bare hands, you must legally pay your challenger a penalty in the form of four deer. If you're not a good hunter or cannot afford to buy four deer, I suggest the cheaper option of killing your opponent. prevnext +9 -Favorite +Favorite Unblock User's Content Block User's Content Sub/Block Channels Funisvoting:UploadUnblockBlockSubUnsubsubs: 297
