FJ Nation 11: Failing and DyingshirigamiRank: #3899BlocksBlocks prevnext Prev Next Ugh, I'm still sick, but I hope you guys are feeling fine. Today's Issues are No. 968 and No. 1025. I'm gonna go look for soup. Don't blow up the nation while I'm gone. join list: FunnyStates (51 subs)Mention History RESULTS: Issue No. 669: Watts Up with Rooftop Solar "The poor are forced into bankruptcy by their energy bills."Issue No. 512: Furnished for Failure "Clumsy self-injury is a viable claim in modern compensation culture."Issue No. 343: Brother, Can You Spare a Dime? "Discarded pennies litter the streets." "Making No Cents" Banner Unlocked (Free yourself from the tyranny of coins) ISSUES:Issue No. 968: People's Republic of FunnyJunk Falls Flat in Singing Contest The Issue: Last night, in the finals of popular reality TV contest the Backend of the Internetvision, the Junky representative lost, despite giving what almost all critics in Peoples Republic of FunnyJunk have declared to be a superior performance. The enraged masses have inexplicably decided that the best course of action is to storm your office to voice their complaints. Debate Points: 1. “It was rigged!” chants real housewife of Peoples Republic of FunnyJunk City, Ethel Ward Karsprintian, who is so angered that she is speaking at a pace you’re having trouble keeping up with. “Half the judges looked to be Maxtopian to me, and you know what those people think of us and our culture. The contest must be rerun, this time with more unbiased judges from Peoples Republic of FunnyJunk. If the rest of the Backend of the Internet doesn’t agree, threaten trade sanctions, heck, maybe even outright war. Our national pride depends on this!” 2. “Clearly, the rest of the Backend of the Internet are just uncultured idiots!” crescendoes Tristan Dahl, who was recently voted the country’s most-eligible bachelor. “If they can’t appreciate us, who needs them? The government should sponsor its own patriotic song contest! Call it Junky Idol, only let native-born Junkies compete, and let Junkies vote for a winner. A song for the people, by the people, to the people, from the people. Or something.” 3. “For sure, everyone knows that the Backend of the Internetvision always has every nation giving top marks to their favourite historic allies,” intones reality show survivor Geoff Probes. “Maybe instead you should be asking why other nations don’t feel inclined to treat Peoples Republic of FunnyJunk that way. Maybe you should be investing more in diplomacy, in mutual-backscratching, in favorable trade deals traded for agreeable song contest votes. This is how the world works, and we should be learning to play nice with our neighbors.” 4. “If you ask me, these low-brow shows are making your average Junky no smarter than a 5th-grader,” croons your apprentice, after finally clearing the rabble from your office. “If only more shows on TV were serious, like 60 Clock-ticks, or informative, like Will Zeke the Science Geek, then television could actually help create a smarter, more refined populace.” 5. Dismiss the Issue Are You Tonedeaf? No, it's the masses who are wrong. I'm going to build my own talent show! With Junkies only! Persuade the judges. If you enjoy entertainment TV, you may be a redneck. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) Issue No. 1025: A Meal to Die For The Issue: The execution of convicted double-murderer Artemis vanStraaten was carried out yesterday. The killer had no final statement, but in a spiteful act of defiance, ate mere morsels of his last meal - a six-course feast, which he had specifically requested just days prior. Concerned with the fact that over 8,000 calories were provided to a dead-man-walking, and most of it ended up in the trash, many are calling for the condemned-row tradition of the “last meal” to be put to death. Debate Points: 1. “We need to remember the victims!” exclaims Ethel Conway, director of one of the largest victims’ rights organizations in Peoples Republic of FunnyJunk. “Did that killer ever give his victims a chance to eat a last meal? Absolutely not. Should Peoples Republic of FunnyJunk allow the worst-of-the-worst to select comfort foods before their dates with death? Absolutely not. They deserve as much kindness and mercy as they gave to their victims - absolutely none! Do away with this so-called tradition! Let them eat whatever the prison is serving the general population on the given day of their execution.” 2. “People on death row are still people,” explains death row exoneree Kasper Kenobi. “I know from first-hand experience that the condemned might not be the best people around, but they still should be afforded the dignity of a proper last meal. Why deny them one final comfort before they meet their end?” 3. “So let me get this straight: this bleeding-heart liberal thinks we should literally cater to convicted murderers?” questions notorious former prison warden Patty Richardson. “These ‘people’, if they can still be referred to as such, deserve nothing but to quietly bide their time until they are put to death. In fact, forget last meals, these scum don’t deserve the meals they already receive! After all, we shouldn’t waste any food on death row trash, and if anyone deserves to be taught a lesson, it’s them!” 4. Dismiss the Issue U Want Anyting from McPrison? Slop till they drop. Death by chocolate. No soup for you. Dismiss. Vote! (View results) I'm back and I got the soup. Did you keep the political landscape stable while I was gone? For today's fact about NationStates, there's an actual trivia game about NationStates the users can play if you joined the game. It was part of the 2019 April Fool's Day prank, and has a total of 351 questions! prevnext +9 -Favorite +Favorite Unblock User's Content Block User's Content