My boyfriend told me over text
that he didn' t know the
Boyfriend: I... I don' t even know the story that well babe,
I can' t even say
He: Okay so
Met Poseidon gives a bull to King Ninos, the best and
shiniest bull you ever saw, and he' s like "You can have
this, but only if you promise to sacrifice it to me later"
and Hines is like "Sure yeah okay man whatever" so Poseidon
sends this bestest bull ever galloping up out of the salty
sea spray, and everyone standing around is like "Hot fuck
look at that bull" And Mines agrees, and he likes the bull
so much he decides to just quietly sort of... keep it. And
he does kill a bull for Poseidon but it' s one of his own,
lame normal bulls, and Poseidon' s no pushover so of course
He: Poseidon is also notoriously easily angered, and he' s
royal pissed about this, so he comes up with one of the
most devious punishments ever, and he infects Ninos' wife
Pasiphae with a desperate, DESPERATE thirst for the bull.
Like she can think of nothing but getting some of that hot
Me: But it' s hard to convince a bull, especially a divinely
spawned bull, to fuck you if you are in fact not a cow but
a human queen, so she comes up with a plan
Boyfriend: I thought some god comes down in bull form and
He: Ohh, no no no, that' s the much much more tame story of
Europa, who has sex with Zeus in bull form. This is
Met She goes to the best inventor she knows, Daedalus, and
she' s like "I need this bull to fuck me I NEED IT" and
Daedalus is like "That' s really weird maybe you should talk
to someone" and she' s like "I am talking to you and I am
your queen so you better fucking make this happen for me I
am going to peel my own skin off if I don' t get some bull
dick ASAP. But he doesn' t want me because I am not fat,
Me: So Daedalus shrugs, probably shudders a little, and
builds the prettiest, most fuckable wooden cow a bull ever
saw, but he makes it hollow, presumably with some openings
in some awkward places.
Boyfriend: OH GOD. No.
Met So Pasiphae puts this monstrosity in the field with the
bull, climbs in it, and waits. And Daedalus really is a
skilled inventor, and he apparently knows what a bull
likes, because Pasiphae finally gets the hot bull loving
she' s been dreaming of
Boyfriend: I........ I need an aspirin. That is disgusting.
Met Only she apparently hasn' t been tracking her cycles,
because she gets pregnant, and births the minotaur and King
Mines is like 'What the fuck?" and Pasiphae is like "Boney
I need to tell you something"
Met And that is how it happened
Boyfriend: That is NOT HON THAT WORKS
Me: Welcome to Mythology.