Local Man Is a Hero Thanks to His Knowledge Of Pulp Fiction
The Associated Press
Posted: 03/ 22/ 2012 or: 00: 52 AM PDT
Jonestown, AZ.- A local man is a hero today after he singlehandedly stopped a couple
who were attempting to rob a coffee shop. His quick thinking saved the day according to
restaurant manager Ted Barkies. "Halest started quoting movie lines from Pulp Fiction.
The robbers kind of went berserk and then left." Local hero, Paul Horner, who
thwarted the would've robbers said, "It was really lucky that I had my wallet with me
that said 'bad motherf* ckery on it. The robbers came around demanding everybodies
wallet and Must held it up, you know like how Samuel L. Jackson did in Pulp Fiction."
Longtime diner Susan Litchfield said it was a pretty tense moment. "The robbers asked
Mr. Horner what was in his hand. He told them it was his wallet that said 'bad
motherf* ckery on it. Ha never seen the movie so I didn' t know what he was talking
about. Must thought he was some crazy white guy with a death wish."
Yeah, it was insane. After I said the comment about my wallet the robbers started
Fracking out. So then in my best tough black guy voice I said to them: Normally, both
your asses would be dead as F* cking mad chicken, but you happen to pull this sh* t while
I' m in a transitional period so I don' t wanna kill you, I wanna help you," Horner said.
Then the robbers looked at each other and then just ran out of the restaurant. I knew
my vast knowledge of Pulp Fiction would pay off For me one day."
Paul Homer: Hero
Barkies said he was a little concerned about the health offr. Horner after the robbers had left and everyone at the
restaurant was waiting around For police to arrive. "It seemed like Mr. Hornay' s brain had temporarily snapped. I told him
that I think the cops are on their way and he said, 'I don' t wanna hear about no motherf* ifs. All I wanna hear from
your ass is, you ain' t got no problem, Paul. I' m on the motherf* cker. Go back in there, chill them niggars out and wait For
the cavalry which should be coming directly'. Then he started asking me questions about our Food menu. He asked me
about our hamburgers and ifi knew what they called a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France? It was really weird, but
hey, has a hero I guess."
Officer Miller from the Jonestown Police Department said, "It' s fortunate that this small town has a person like Mr. Horner
living in it. If he hadn' t have had so much free time on his hands he never would have been able to quote so many lines
from Pulp Fiction. Down time is the real hero here today."
The robbers are described as a white male and Famale aged . Any information please contact the Jonestown Police