wise words. . November 23, 2013. 09: 03 My dad never told those kinda jokes, either. Instead he would teach me important life lessons. when I was little he poin
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wise words

November 23, 2013. 09: 03
My dad never told those kinda jokes,
either. Instead he would teach me
important life lessons. when I was
little he pointed out a woman with a
nice rack. I asked if that counted as
cheating on mom. He toold me these
words: "Nope. It doesn' t matter
where you build your appetite as
mag as you go Mme for supper."
We never forgotten that lesson.
...
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Submitted: 11/25/2013
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Comments(144):

[ 144 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#3 - falleone (11/25/2013) [-]
Mine went for the it doesn't matter where you get the engine going as long as you park it in the right garage
User avatar #31 to #3 - akneegrow (11/26/2013) [-]
Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.
User avatar #78 to #3 - lesrin ONLINE (11/26/2013) [-]
my dads favorite was "nothing wrong with window shopping, as long as you dont buy anything"
User avatar #38 to #3 - propanex (11/26/2013) [-]
If your engine is long enough, you can park it in two garages.
#8 - othdaddy (11/25/2013) [-]
my dad doesn't celebrate birthdays cos he says its like celebrating the fact your one year closer to dying, which made me delve into one of those bottomless think spirals.
my dad doesn't celebrate birthdays cos he says its like celebrating the fact your one year closer to dying, which made me delve into one of those bottomless think spirals.
#25 to #8 - paradoxpoetic (11/26/2013) [-]
Every year you unwittingly pass the anniversary of the day of your death.
User avatar #32 to #25 - iridium (11/26/2013) [-]
Anniversaries happen afterwards.
#13 to #8 - tartwolfblack (11/25/2013) [-]
Your dad is a pessimist.
User avatar #18 to #8 - darkangeloffire (11/25/2013) [-]
I like to think of birthdays as check points in the long race that is life.
#16 to #8 - lastsamurai (11/25/2013) [-]
it's my birthday today.
Every day is one less day untill you die, so i think birthdays are still valid
#26 to #16 - iizsimon (11/26/2013) [-]
Happy b-birthday... Faggot....
Happy b-birthday... Faggot....
#28 to #26 - lastsamurai (11/26/2013) [-]
fak u
#134 to #16 - baconfattie ONLINE (11/26/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#45 - hueyfreeman (11/26/2013) [-]
My dad wasn't one for these fancy expressions

My parents have been divorced for a long time

We were at this restaurant, and there was this girl serving us, 3/10 face, 10/10 ass.

My dad said something along the lines of "Damn, look at that ass", and I protested, "but her face".

He looked me in my 13 year old eyes, and said six words I would never forget.

"Son, an ass is an ass."
#46 to #45 - tsubakicomplex (11/26/2013) [-]
very inspirational
User avatar #47 to #45 - alphagex (11/26/2013) [-]
Words to live by
User avatar #72 to #45 - uptightmonkey (11/26/2013) [-]
your dad sounds like a wise man
#19 - Freelon (11/25/2013) [-]
"If I'd 'a gone ta college, I'd 'a been 			******		 everything that moves."    
-My Dad on UC Berkeley
"If I'd 'a gone ta college, I'd 'a been ****** everything that moves."
-My Dad on UC Berkeley
User avatar #40 - BrazilianDamage (11/26/2013) [-]
Or "Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu"
#33 - shabalaguy (11/26/2013) [-]
Another one I remember is "just because i'm looking at the menu, doesn't mean i'm going to order.''
Another one I remember is "just because i'm looking at the menu, doesn't mean i'm going to order.''
#140 to #33 - professormellon (11/26/2013) [-]
Yes, I too would like to know who this Italian individual is
#70 to #33 - creepyunclebob (11/26/2013) [-]
So about this gif... what restaurant is that menu for? I'd gladly order something there, but it'd probably out of my price range. But I could just masturbate to pictures of it.
#21 - snakefire (11/25/2013) [-]
My dad lashed me with belts and locked me in closets.
User avatar #67 to #21 - bladeboy (11/26/2013) [-]
lol
User avatar #115 to #21 - yologdog (11/26/2013) [-]
I kind of want to give you a hug...
User avatar #116 to #115 - snakefire (11/26/2013) [-]
I would like that...
User avatar #117 to #116 - yologdog (11/26/2013) [-]
I live in New Hampshire, you?
User avatar #118 to #117 - snakefire (11/26/2013) [-]
california..
User avatar #120 to #119 - snakefire (11/26/2013) [-]
yay
#34 to #21 - bdawg ONLINE (11/26/2013) [-]
I gotta ask why do you always use the pictures of that chick when you post a comment?
I gotta ask why do you always use the pictures of that chick when you post a comment?
User avatar #35 to #34 - snakefire (11/26/2013) [-]
Only sometimes.

She's my mascot.
#37 to #35 - bdawg ONLINE (11/26/2013) [-]
oh okay keep on doing it then.
oh okay keep on doing it then.
#137 to #35 - deliciousdee ONLINE (11/26/2013) [-]
>Mascots
User avatar #36 to #34 - TastyBurger (11/26/2013) [-]
If I'm right, he's just been recently doing it.

Also I believe that its the girl from the Beetlejuice cartoon.
User avatar #74 to #34 - fukinitech (11/26/2013) [-]
whos that guy?
#85 to #74 - yaybacon (11/26/2013) [-]
JonTron
JonTron
User avatar #41 to #21 - newforomador (11/26/2013) [-]
Awhile ago didn't you say that one of your fetishes was being dominated?
User avatar #42 to #41 - snakefire (11/26/2013) [-]
Yes
#48 to #42 - thesovereigngrave (11/26/2013) [-]
I see a troubling pattern here.
#27 to #21 - hitbyadriveby (11/26/2013) [-]
That's hawt
That's hawt
#29 to #27 - snakefire (11/26/2013) [-]
Its left me with some interesting scars and fetishes.
User avatar #44 to #29 - dickticklerluv (11/26/2013) [-]
Im glad it worked out in the end
User avatar #135 to #29 - licestr ONLINE (11/26/2013) [-]
did you really build up fetishes out of that?
User avatar #138 to #135 - snakefire (11/26/2013) [-]
kinda, yeah.
#75 to #29 - anon (11/26/2013) [-]
Why do you have a bunch of Lydia jpgs?
#77 - acidreign (11/26/2013) [-]
tfw my dad cheated on my mom and left
tfw my dad cheated on my mom and left
#83 to #77 - sorinshrouds (11/26/2013) [-]
Be awesome, and do something great / amazing. IE: Become really successful.  He'll regret leaving you guys.   
Gif  semi - related.
Be awesome, and do something great / amazing. IE: Become really successful. He'll regret leaving you guys.
Gif semi - related.
#84 to #83 - acidreign (11/26/2013) [-]
That's my plan. It's a work in progress.   
gif not related.
That's my plan. It's a work in progress.
gif not related.
#86 to #84 - sorinshrouds (11/26/2013) [-]
God speed.
God speed.
User avatar #9 - ninjamyles **User deleted account** (11/25/2013) [-]
... my dad just ****** of when i was 5.
User avatar #14 to #9 - hazenberdan (11/25/2013) [-]
I know that feel bro.
#71 to #9 - creepyunclebob (11/26/2013) [-]
Mine left my mom before I was born, I met him a few times before he fully ****** off to the other side of the country. My stepdad was cool though, a better dad than my real one could have been.
#130 to #9 - rhiaanor (11/26/2013) [-]
my dad beat your by one year. TAKE THAT FAGGOT!
my dad beat your by one year. TAKE THAT FAGGOT!


User avatar #20 to #9 - mcderper (11/25/2013) [-]
Found the black guy
#81 - Muppetz (11/26/2013) [-]
That's is actually a pretty clever analogy.
User avatar #4 - wilzon (11/25/2013) [-]
it aint rape if they dont say no
User avatar #5 to #4 - whitetoxicarrow (11/25/2013) [-]
And dead girls cannot talk
User avatar #65 to #5 - ianmcgunny (11/26/2013) [-]
"Lets not turn this rape into a murder!"
#76 to #65 - kishinasura (11/26/2013) [-]
Here you go.
User avatar #7 to #4 - thedeadlyduck (11/25/2013) [-]
how you gonna blow that rape whistle with my dick in your mouth?
#80 - phatsno (11/26/2013) [-]
such a great father figure
User avatar #11 - PopcornViking (11/25/2013) [-]
my family was at the beach and there was this hot college girl with huge tits and my mom asked what my dad thought the he goes
"that girl looked like the had some kind of arthritis condition"
my mom gave the classic are you fkn kidding me face
User avatar #12 to #11 - PopcornViking (11/25/2013) [-]
she* not the
User avatar #15 to #11 - namnori (11/25/2013) [-]
I - I don't get it
#98 - bible ONLINE (11/26/2013) [-]
My father is a smoker and a drinker, and we really don't get along....At the end of the day, however, he can be awesome in the weirdest ways. He can be intelligent sometimes, but the **** he's done to himself has sapped any lingering sense out of him. He still has his moments, but because of those moments, he is seen as an idiotic, blundering oaf; the lovable kind, that would be, which is where he gets much of his charm.

Here are some of his quotes I've written down in my head:

"Damn, it's colder than a witch's titty out here"
While driving, "This dump truck is really messing with my chi"
One misty day he was pretty high, and a cat walks out of the mist toward us. He turns to me and in the most astonished voice and biggest eyes, he says: "Dude, cats and dogs are like, so mysterious, man"

I know, its not as funny when its written, but when a towering, lumbering redneck guy says this **** out of nowhere, it's pretty funny.
#129 to #98 - anon (11/26/2013) [-]
Have you considered your father might be Peter Griffin, Meg?
User avatar #131 - eminempackerfan (11/26/2013) [-]
My half blind uncle wanted me to take him to a strip club. But i told him i have a girlfriend and he said this: "Just because you already ordered doesn't mean you still cant look at the menu"
#124 - flutterbye (11/26/2013) [-]
The only thing my father taught me was how to be a guilt tripping, bipolar asshole.   
 Nothing personal against people with the disorder, my dad just went of his meds often and became 			*******		 crazy.
The only thing my father taught me was how to be a guilt tripping, bipolar asshole.
Nothing personal against people with the disorder, my dad just went of his meds often and became ******* crazy.
#91 - anon (11/26/2013) [-]
My pastor has said, for as long as I have known him, "I can look at the menu, I just can't order."



I know this one has been said already......BUT IT'S MY ******* PASTOR!
User avatar #57 - theoriginaltyson (11/26/2013) [-]
Can you go out for lunch?
User avatar #2 - sirbutterballs (11/25/2013) [-]
George Takei Oh My
#68 - cheeseboyofdoom ONLINE (11/26/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
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