wise words. . November 23, 2013. 09: 03 My dad never told those kinda jokes, either. Instead he would teach me important life lessons. when I was little he poin
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wise words

November 23, 2013. 09: 03
My dad never told those kinda jokes,
either. Instead he would teach me
important life lessons. when I was
little he pointed out a woman with a
nice rack. I asked if that counted as
cheating on mom. He toold me these
words: "Nope. It doesn' t matter
where you build your appetite as
mag as you go Mme for supper."
We never forgotten that lesson.
...
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Views: 44814
Favorited: 192
Submitted: 11/25/2013
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Comments(144):

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#3 - falleone ONLINE (11/25/2013) [+] (3 replies)
Mine went for the it doesn't matter where you get the engine going as long as you park it in the right garage
#21 - snakefire (11/25/2013) [+] (61 replies)
My dad lashed me with belts and locked me in closets.
#27 to #21 - hitbyadriveby (11/26/2013) [-]
That's hawt
That's hawt
#8 - othdaddy (11/25/2013) [+] (8 replies)
my dad doesn't celebrate birthdays cos he says its like celebrating the fact your one year closer to dying, which made me delve into one of those bottomless think spirals.
my dad doesn't celebrate birthdays cos he says its like celebrating the fact your one year closer to dying, which made me delve into one of those bottomless think spirals.
#45 - hueyfreeman (11/26/2013) [+] (3 replies)
My dad wasn't one for these fancy expressions

My parents have been divorced for a long time

We were at this restaurant, and there was this girl serving us, 3/10 face, 10/10 ass.

My dad said something along the lines of "Damn, look at that ass", and I protested, "but her face".

He looked me in my 13 year old eyes, and said six words I would never forget.

"Son, an ass is an ass."
#19 - Freelon (11/25/2013) [-]
"If I'd 'a gone ta college, I'd 'a been 						******					 everything that moves."    
-My Dad on UC Berkeley
"If I'd 'a gone ta college, I'd 'a been ****** everything that moves."
-My Dad on UC Berkeley
#33 - shabalaguy (11/26/2013) [+] (2 replies)
Another one I remember is "just because i'm looking at the menu, doesn't mean i'm going to order.''
Another one I remember is "just because i'm looking at the menu, doesn't mean i'm going to order.''
User avatar #4 - wilzon (11/25/2013) [+] (4 replies)
it aint rape if they dont say no
User avatar #40 - BrazilianDamage (11/26/2013) [-]
Or "Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu"
User avatar #9 - ninjamyles **User deleted account** (11/25/2013) [+] (4 replies)
... my dad just ****** of when i was 5.
#22 - jabone (11/25/2013) [+] (2 replies)
I'm a little confused.
I'm a little confused.
User avatar #23 to #22 - callmeandeh (11/26/2013) [-]
He can look at hot girls all he wants as long as he doesn't do more than look and goes home to his wife
#77 - acidreign (11/26/2013) [+] (3 replies)
tfw my dad cheated on my mom and left
tfw my dad cheated on my mom and left
#81 - Muppetz (11/26/2013) [-]
That's is actually a pretty clever analogy.
#80 - phatsno (11/26/2013) [-]
such a great father figure
User avatar #11 - PopcornViking (11/25/2013) [+] (2 replies)
my family was at the beach and there was this hot college girl with huge tits and my mom asked what my dad thought the he goes
"that girl looked like the had some kind of arthritis condition"
my mom gave the classic are you fkn kidding me face
#98 - bible (11/26/2013) [+] (1 reply)
My father is a smoker and a drinker, and we really don't get along....At the end of the day, however, he can be awesome in the weirdest ways. He can be intelligent sometimes, but the **** he's done to himself has sapped any lingering sense out of him. He still has his moments, but because of those moments, he is seen as an idiotic, blundering oaf; the lovable kind, that would be, which is where he gets much of his charm.

Here are some of his quotes I've written down in my head:

"Damn, it's colder than a witch's titty out here"
While driving, "This dump truck is really messing with my chi"
One misty day he was pretty high, and a cat walks out of the mist toward us. He turns to me and in the most astonished voice and biggest eyes, he says: "Dude, cats and dogs are like, so mysterious, man"

I know, its not as funny when its written, but when a towering, lumbering redneck guy says this **** out of nowhere, it's pretty funny.
#124 - flutterbye (11/26/2013) [-]
The only thing my father taught me was how to be a guilt tripping, bipolar asshole.   
 Nothing personal against people with the disorder, my dad just went of his meds often and became 						*******					 crazy.
The only thing my father taught me was how to be a guilt tripping, bipolar asshole.
Nothing personal against people with the disorder, my dad just went of his meds often and became ******* crazy.
#91 - anonymous (11/26/2013) [-]
My pastor has said, for as long as I have known him, "I can look at the menu, I just can't order."



I know this one has been said already......BUT IT'S MY ******* PASTOR!
User avatar #57 - theoriginaltyson (11/26/2013) [-]
Can you go out for lunch?
User avatar #2 - sirbutterballs (11/25/2013) [-]
George Takei Oh My
User avatar #1 - charagrin (11/25/2013) [+] (1 reply)
Can his dad be my dad?
User avatar #6 to #1 - cactusupthebutt (11/25/2013) [-]
No Archer. He can't...cause your dad might be dead. So that's something you're going to have to deal with.
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