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wesleyhathaway

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Gender: male
Facebook Profile: wesleyhathaway
Consoles Owned: magnavox odyssey
Video Games Played: battle toads
X-box Gamertag: AlphabetSoup014
PSN: TheWesMan1
Interests: juice
Date Signed Up:5/30/2012
Last Login:7/03/2015
Location:Pinedale WY
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Favorite Tags: Juice (13) | Retoast (2)
I'm addicted to sex

latest user's comments

#497 - summoning lord cthulhu  [+] (10 new replies) 02/10/2015 on What are you doing today? :3 +1
User avatar #501 - corporate (02/10/2015) [-]
Make sure you have fresh tea and crackers. He tend to be fitful without a full belly.
#505 - wesleyhathaway (02/10/2015) [-]
and fresh pepper
User avatar #519 - corporate (02/10/2015) [-]
Not to heavy on the pepper though you don't want his sinuses becoming irritated
#520 - wesleyhathaway (02/10/2015) [-]
how should I enter his realm?
User avatar #523 - corporate (02/10/2015) [-]

1. Find ye the Necronomicon.

This step is often difficult, as the Necronomicon, written by the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred, is rather a pain to try and locate. According to H P Lovecraft, there are only a few copies in existence, most of which are kept under lock and key by those who would try to stop you from unleashing unwholesome blasphemies on the world (heaven knows why). A good place to look is in New England's Miskatonic University, although exact directions to the university are sadly not forthcoming.

2. Study ye the Necronomicon.

One of the simpler steps. This should present little trouble once you have acquired a copy, although rumours abound that it is often written in odd dialects, and may require some studying of various other occult books as well. A very thorough understanding of the mysteries locked within the eldritch book is absolutely essential for the success of your summoning, but mind that its mind-shattering contents don't drive you utterly mad - at least, not too mad to perform the rest of the ritual.

3. Find ye the Cthulhu Cult.

According to legend, a secret cult exists, spanning the entire globe, whose initiates perform hideous rituals and sacrifices to appease the Elder Gods, who hold the great Cthulhu as their high priest. It is unclear how to gain entrance to this cult should one succeed in discovering it, but most sources agree it is probably very painful.

4. Worship ye the High Priest Cthulhu.

Dead Cthulhu lies sleeping in the submerged city of R'lyeh, but before you can attempt to awaken him, it's best if you first prove your intentions to his vast dreamlike consciousness. Cthulhu will be much more likely to spare your pathetic soul if you bow down and perform obeisance to a carven image of him for several years before initiating the necessary rituals. As you will see, several years are most likely required to obtain the proper conditions for such a summoning anyway, so you might as well do something worthwhile with your time.

5. Remain ye alive for the duration of the Worship.

A key step. Many people have failed at this step by simply forgetting the cardinal rule of the occult: let other people do your dirty work for you. You'll hardly be in a good position to summon any High Priests if your spleen has been carried into the netherworld by the infamous Yog-Sothoth as retribution for the time you bungled the ritual of awakening the dead from dust. It's always good to initiate several complete idiots to perform most of your rituals for you. Countless dark wizards and demonologists have forgotten to take this into account, and have paid dearly.

#770 - miskatonic (02/10/2015) [-]
Go Squids Go!
#527 - wesleyhathaway (02/10/2015) [-]
your reward for your help
User avatar #528 - corporate (02/10/2015) [-]
Thank you!
#538 - wesleyhathaway (02/10/2015) [-]
now I prepare
User avatar #524 - corporate (02/10/2015) [-]

6. Keep ye the Worship a Secret.

This is another very important step, and again, many people have failed here by exciting too much attention from the authorities. It's best not to keep your laboratory in the house where you live (especially if you still live with your parents) because the strange odours and evil noises that are sure to emanate from it at all hours are a little suspicious in the eyes of the general populace. Don't forget as well that not all your potential enemies are of this world. Remember, the Old Ones who created life on this planet waged a vicious war against the Spawn of Great Cthulhu in the terrible ages before mankind existed. It's entirely possible that they will try and intervene unless the rituals are attempted covertly and discreetly.

7. Wait ye for the Stars to be Aligned.

Not a hard step, but a time-consuming one. There isn't much one can do at this step but wait around until the stars form the eldritch, disturbing patterns described in your Necronomicon. You'll know when the stars are right by the disturbing nightmares that you, your peers, and most likely every mildly insane person on the planet will suddenly complain about. With any luck, this step will occur in your lifetime - although if it doesn't you can always take the necessary steps to ensure that one of your descendants discovers your ancient notes and foolishly revives you from the ashes of your portrait.

8. Find ye the Sunken City of R'lyeh.

This shouldn't be too difficult as long as you've got the alignment of the stars right. According to legend, Dark Priest Cthulhu sleeps in the chambers of an enormous sunken city, built aeons before man crawled from the trees, and this city is due to return to the surface of our world when the stars are aligned. Unfortunately, you won't have very long to find R'lyeh, because it sinks again once the stars restore their natural patterns. Acquiring a boat before this step is attempted is a very good idea. Look in the Pacific Ocean mainly. You'll know when you've found it, trust me.

9. Perform ye the Rituals and Awaken ye the Dark One.

The climax of any dark summoning is, of course, the ritual, painstakingly chanted from your Necronomicon in the midst of unholy circles and sputtering black candles. Observe great care in getting the whole thing right, however - we all know the terrible consequences of having a sore throat or the hiccups whilst attempting bizarre, blasphemous chants. The ritual will probably drain your strength and leave you vulnerable for complete and utter loss of sanity, but don't worry. In a little while, everyone else will be insane too.

10. Watch in manic terror as the spawn ye hath unleashed proceeds to strip the earth of all that is good and wholesome, and turns it into an insane breeding ground for gibbering horrors from the nether regions of frozen space.

This is the easiest step. Watch and enjoy! The only difficulty lies both in persuading the Dark Priest you have summoned to spare your pitiful flesh from the harvest, and keeping yourself sane as everything around you is crushed in the wake of a tide of overwhelming horror. Of course, you could always just go with the flow and run around screaming in your underpants until your soul is devoured.

That's it! That's all you need to accomplish before the entire world can be devoured and held under the sway of amorphous monstrocities from nether regions of chaos! As always in meddling with the occult, however, be sure to always keep in mind that whatever you do and whoever you unleash, you will always end up paying for it with your tasty sweet soul.

Good luck, and don't forget:

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!"
#406 - grim fandango ftw 02/09/2015 on What games are you playing... 0
#401 - ^ | | this guy 02/09/2015 on What games are you playing... 0
#51 - beggars can't be choosers. as gross as it is, I'm still bringi… 02/08/2015 on Jesus Christ 0
#49 - Picture 02/06/2015 on My Favourite Gif Compilation 0
#271 - ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 02/03/2015 on Lets play a Game 0
#269 - **wesleyhathaway used "*roll picture*"** **wesleyhathaway r…  [+] (1 new reply) 02/03/2015 on Lets play a Game 0
User avatar #271 - wesleyhathaway (02/03/2015) [-]
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
#34 - unbroken 02/01/2015 on just question 0
#15 - **wesleyhathaway used "*roll picture*"** **wesleyhathaway r… 01/31/2015 on Papa Franku > Freddy Mercury 0
#3 - Picture 01/31/2015 on Ricky's wise words +2
#24 - **wesleyhathaway used "*roll picture*"** **wesleyhathaway r… 01/25/2015 on They just dont make em like... 0
#57 - Comment deleted 01/22/2015 on dank WebM compilation (pt... 0
#295 - that's ****** randy 01/21/2015 on Wait..what? 0
#26 - that'd be great if I wanted to run tf2  [+] (5 new replies) 01/20/2015 on PC Mustard Rice +2
#31 - John Cena (01/20/2015) [-]
You can build a pc that coss about $500 that runs as well as any console.
User avatar #70 - lordofpenis (01/20/2015) [-]
my pc cost £220 to make (not including monitor, speakers and keyboard that I already had)
But I made it 3 years ago:
Phenom 965 II x 4 @ 3.6Ghz
Hd 7850 2GB
8GB DDR3 ram
M47xtdevo? Motherboard (forgot the name, it's a crossfire one)
CX 750
Spinpoint f1, f3, 1tb, 2tb, and 500gb WD caviar blue

Its a bit outdated but gets the job done. I'm amazed how a 2006 cpu can still cope with the most demanding games out at the moment. Yes to build the pc I had to source from cheap places and it'd take me a while, but I got it cheap. That's $331. If I cleared up my HDD's , overclocked my 3d core on my gpu, got 4GHz out of my cpu, then I could max out any game. Shit, another hd 7850 is only £50
#149 - John Cena (01/20/2015) [-]
I upgraded from the 965 myself just a week ago, been a solid performer for going on 6 or 7 years. Now running a liquid cooled fx8350 at 4.5Ghz (don't think my current motherboard is capable of going much faster).... With a GTX 760, 8GB ddr3, Samsung SSDs, Antec modular 1KW psu... Relatively cheap build, but it's fucking lovely... A gaming powerhouse compared to the 5 year old tech that's in the latest consoles.

Your weakpoint is your PSU... The CX (Corsair Builder Series?) are low spec units. Yes they're badged by Corsair, but they're cheap units that are prone to failure (I've replaced at least half a dozen of them in the last year).

I wish RAM was still as cheap as 3 years ago...
#32 - John Cena (01/20/2015) [-]
A PS4 is only $400
User avatar #27 - brokentrucker (01/20/2015) [-]
"BUT MUH HATS AND JANKY ARCADE SHOOTER"
#39 - Picture 01/20/2015 on dance with us (provide music) +2
#20 - I like PC but you see I'm what some people call broke  [+] (7 new replies) 01/20/2015 on PC Mustard Rice +3
User avatar #22 - brokentrucker (01/20/2015) [-]
"HURR CHEAP PC FOR LITTLE MORE OF COST OF CONSOLE"
User avatar #26 - wesleyhathaway (01/20/2015) [-]
that'd be great if I wanted to run tf2
#31 - John Cena (01/20/2015) [-]
You can build a pc that coss about $500 that runs as well as any console.
User avatar #70 - lordofpenis (01/20/2015) [-]
my pc cost £220 to make (not including monitor, speakers and keyboard that I already had)
But I made it 3 years ago:
Phenom 965 II x 4 @ 3.6Ghz
Hd 7850 2GB
8GB DDR3 ram
M47xtdevo? Motherboard (forgot the name, it's a crossfire one)
CX 750
Spinpoint f1, f3, 1tb, 2tb, and 500gb WD caviar blue

Its a bit outdated but gets the job done. I'm amazed how a 2006 cpu can still cope with the most demanding games out at the moment. Yes to build the pc I had to source from cheap places and it'd take me a while, but I got it cheap. That's $331. If I cleared up my HDD's , overclocked my 3d core on my gpu, got 4GHz out of my cpu, then I could max out any game. Shit, another hd 7850 is only £50
#149 - John Cena (01/20/2015) [-]
I upgraded from the 965 myself just a week ago, been a solid performer for going on 6 or 7 years. Now running a liquid cooled fx8350 at 4.5Ghz (don't think my current motherboard is capable of going much faster).... With a GTX 760, 8GB ddr3, Samsung SSDs, Antec modular 1KW psu... Relatively cheap build, but it's fucking lovely... A gaming powerhouse compared to the 5 year old tech that's in the latest consoles.

Your weakpoint is your PSU... The CX (Corsair Builder Series?) are low spec units. Yes they're badged by Corsair, but they're cheap units that are prone to failure (I've replaced at least half a dozen of them in the last year).

I wish RAM was still as cheap as 3 years ago...
#32 - John Cena (01/20/2015) [-]
A PS4 is only $400
User avatar #27 - brokentrucker (01/20/2015) [-]
"BUT MUH HATS AND JANKY ARCADE SHOOTER"
#14 - there once was a pizza on its roof  [+] (1 new reply) 01/20/2015 on i am the one who knocks +2
User avatar #113 - bigfootluke (01/21/2015) [-]
im an idiot
#187 - **wesleyhathaway used "*roll picture*"** **wesleyhathaway r… 01/20/2015 on Almost one with the FJ 0
#3 - **wesleyhathaway used "*roll picture*"** **wesleyhathaway r… 01/20/2015 on #squad 0
#139 - such pillow 01/20/2015 on What's in a name 0
#111 - **wesleyhathaway used "*roll picture*"** **wesleyhathaway r… 01/19/2015 on dank WebM compilation (pt... +3
#91 - that movie is ****** but I love it so 01/19/2015 on Gaben needs an airline 0
#32 - that's ****** randy 01/18/2015 on shadowhorn's profile 0
#20 - i read all of that  [+] (3 new replies) 01/18/2015 on Deleted comments on ABC... +5
#30 - oldmanmagee (01/18/2015) [-]
#23 - sladee (01/18/2015) [-]
#22 - Dagoron (01/18/2015) [-]
#32 - OOOOOOOOOHHHH okay 01/18/2015 on Tyrone Banns Junk Poster 0

items

Total unique items point value: 585 / Total items point value: 585
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #11 - beams (05/24/2015) [-]
When you go and almost drop it, you do not spill a drop.

When you feel you must go use it, it is filled to the brim.

What is it?
User avatar #12 to #11 - wesleyhathaway (05/24/2015) [-]
A JACKAL
User avatar #10 - shadowhorn (01/06/2015) [-]
you should pimp out your profile like i did
User avatar #9 - shadowhorn (01/06/2015) [-]
and u liek it in ur pooper
User avatar #8 - shadowhorn (01/06/2015) [-]
and u r gey
User avatar #7 - shadowhorn (10/13/2014) [-]
you have a small penis
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