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thefirstporkchop

Last status update:
-
Gender: male
Age: 22
Date Signed Up:1/21/2013
Location:USA
Stats
Content Thumbs: 46 total,  73 ,  27
Comment Thumbs: 1564 total,  2153 ,  589
Content Level Progress: 84.74% (50/59)
Level 0 Content: Untouched account → Level 1 Content: New Here
Comment Level Progress: 60% (60/100)
Level 212 Comments: Comedic Genius → Level 213 Comments: Comedic Genius
Subscribers:0
Content Views:8752
Total Comments Made:768
FJ Points:1321
just a useless person

latest user's comments

#15 - This roll is definitely under rated  [+] (1 reply) 05/05/2016 on lorax +1
#28 - anon (05/05/2016) [-]
I'm not really feeling it
#15 - Already have been diagnosed. Already tried and ****** it up. …  [+] (5 replies) 05/04/2016 on me irl +4
User avatar
#34 - forsakenas (05/04/2016) [-]
Oh, come on, that's unfair to the cop. Be a man and stab yourself in the throat.

I'm an almost 23 y.o. handholdless virgin loser
#80 - thefirstporkchop (05/04/2016) [-]
The way I've thought of doing it is basically running into a local sheriffs office and start shooting the ground and screaming come at me bros.
#21 - anon (05/04/2016) [-]
At least pretend you're a muslim and shout allahu akbar before you blow orphanage up or something. Your last moments should be happy ones, like knowing you've started a race war.
#16 - captchakid (05/04/2016) [-]
#17 - thefirstporkchop (05/04/2016) [-]
+1 for you. made me laugh.
have a nice day.
#11 - 21 and counting. I ain't even held hands bruh.  [+] (11 replies) 05/04/2016 on me irl +22
User avatar
#57 - shruika (05/04/2016) [-]
20 with 0 contact, ad counting
User avatar
#53 - sidnineonefourtwo (05/04/2016) [-]
26 and counting. No hands held.
#46 - anon (05/04/2016) [-]
Twenty. VIrgin, been kissed.

May I ask what's stopping you from getting a lady friend or living your life?

Do you have a hobby or a job or are in school or something? Or did something traumatic happen?
#79 - thefirstporkchop (05/04/2016) [-]
well anon it can be contributed to several things I guess. I, by no means, have the worst life, nor will I ever claim to have the shittiest possible life.
I am currently in the last week of my attempt at a college degree. I will be one class shy of having an Associates Degree. I am atrociously bad at most science and math courses. I am in my 3rd year and have attempted 4 science classes and 6 math. I will (hopefully) pass my current math class if my final goes well. But all classes that pertain to said degree I did very well in.
As hobbies go, I used to play video games constantly but I sold my console and games because we ran out of food, I used to play drums but I went off to school and it's hard to have a nice place to practice so I never brought my kit. Also I am not musically inclined. I'm actually really bad it. I used to play baseball through Babe Ruth league but my last year I led the team in being hit by a pitch. I actually got hit more than I actually hit the ball. Played decent first base I guess. In high school I didn't play sports but I fell in love with power-lifting. But after my second ACL tear I can't really do that anymore. Power-lifting was probably the only thing I was good at/ had potential in. Job wise I have no idea what I'm gonna do. I've held 3 jobs. 4 days at Wendy's, but quit because after 3 days of training they scheduled me for 2.5 hours each saturday only. I worked at a lumber yard/home improvement store for a summer. Then I worked at an arrow factory for two weeks but also quit because I have one surgically repaired ACL and the other is not surgically repaired. You may wonder how I was able to work at a lumber yard with two bum knees and to put it simply, at least at the lumber yard I could walk around and move.
I do not have a healthy relationship with my mother at all. She attempted to sell me for cocaine as a two week old infant. And no I am NOT making that up either. I was in a foster home for most of my childhood/teenage years. My father couldn't keep because he was a convicted felon and my state doesn't like felons with children. Not to mention he killed himself when I was 5 years old. I still remember his last words to me. "Don't worry son, I'll be back later, I'm going to get groceries, love you." My foster parents were chill and let him see me on the regular because he sobered up from his own coke addiction. But I took a nap shortly after he left and when I woke up, he was dead.
As far as women go, to be completely honest, I am scared of women. The last time I had a friend or acquaintance of anyone with a vagina was 4th grade. And that ended pretty badly. However, that's a story for another time.
I'm a 21 year old ultimate virgin with a receding hairline, two bum knees, ugly, talent-less, skill-less, overweight (5'10 260-300 haven't been on a scale in a while), not funny, extremely stupid, and has a small dick.
That's the jist of it.
Sorry if I bored you or wasted your time. If you don't believe any of this I'm sorry as well. I'm not a liar but this is the internet so I'm in a lose-lose situation.
Regardless I hope you have a splendid day anon, and whoever else reads this fully as well.
User avatar
#13 - captchakid (05/04/2016) [-]
You should just end it before it gets crippling depressing.
#15 - thefirstporkchop (05/04/2016) [-]
Already have been diagnosed. Already tried and fucked it up. I might go suicide by cop. Blaze of glory and small chance of survival.
inb4 that's so edgy
inb4 tumblr
inb4 whoa calm down bro
User avatar
#34 - forsakenas (05/04/2016) [-]
Oh, come on, that's unfair to the cop. Be a man and stab yourself in the throat.

I'm an almost 23 y.o. handholdless virgin loser
#80 - thefirstporkchop (05/04/2016) [-]
The way I've thought of doing it is basically running into a local sheriffs office and start shooting the ground and screaming come at me bros.
#21 - anon (05/04/2016) [-]
At least pretend you're a muslim and shout allahu akbar before you blow orphanage up or something. Your last moments should be happy ones, like knowing you've started a race war.
#16 - captchakid (05/04/2016) [-]
#17 - thefirstporkchop (05/04/2016) [-]
+1 for you. made me laugh.
have a nice day.