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thefactsmachine

Last status update:
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Personal Info
Gender: male
Date Signed Up:4/28/2011
Location:Nevada
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Content Ranking:#6004
Comment Ranking:#4358
Highest Content Rank:#199
Highest Comment Rank:#1674
Content Thumbs: 14450 total,  15428 ,  978
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Content Level Progress: 43.3% (433/1000)
Level 214 Content: Comedic Genius → Level 215 Content: Comedic Genius
Comment Level Progress: 64% (64/100)
Level 219 Comments: Comedic Genius → Level 220 Comments: Mind Blower
Subscribers:28
Content Views:24324
Times Content Favorited:1164 times
Total Comments Made:364
FJ Points:16436
Favorite Tags: comic (3) | my (3) | rage (3) | tags (3) | alone (2) | at (2) | Bear (2) | better (2) | crashes (2) | drink (2) | forever (2) | Grylls (2) | i (2) | meme (2) | own (2) | piss (2) | tag (2) | the (2) | to (2) | with (2)
All OC all the time. Probably shouldn't be proud, but eh.

Funny Pictures

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    Uploaded: 08/28/11
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latest user's comments

#72 - There is nothing I wouldn't do to make "us" work aga… 05/27/2015 on Admin falls in love with a... 0
#41 - Call her dude, at least you'll get a sense of closure knowing …  [+] (2 new replies) 05/26/2015 on Admin falls in love with a... +2
User avatar #44 - strallee (05/27/2015) [-]
The worse part is that I can get her back, we share the same friends and my best friend is her friend. He told me so many times she wants to be with me, but this time even better.
Why don't you call your ex, for a drink and talk? Tell her that somehow?
User avatar #72 - thefactsmachine (05/27/2015) [-]
There is nothing I wouldn't do to make "us" work again. I have had several relationships since then. And every time I found myself thinking about her instead. But I fear there is nothing I can do. I'm afraid she's outgrown me. If you say you love her and there is a real chance you'll be together again then do not hesitate. Real love is rare. This may be one of those time you wish you could go back in time and grow some balls and say what you feel. I will call her once I know she is back, I don't have to get her back but I have to try with everything I have. I tortured myself with guilt because I left her when she needed me, even if she won't admit it. Just fucking call her, YOLO. Test the strength of your resolve.
#62 - Day 20: Advanced / Girlfriend acquired, maintain all gains. 05/26/2015 on 30-day Calisthenics/Cardio... +2
#61 - Comment deleted 05/26/2015 on 30-day Calisthenics/Cardio... 0
#59 - Day 8: Intermediate / Work your way out of friendzone by …  [+] (2 new replies) 05/26/2015 on 30-day Calisthenics/Cardio... +2
#62 - thefactsmachine (05/26/2015) [-]
Day 20:

Advanced / Girlfriend acquired, maintain all gains.
#61 - thefactsmachine has deleted their comment.
#137 - Edit: I want to smash the one on the left MORE than the right. 05/22/2015 on The straight talk express +10
#136 - I have nothing against fit chicks. I think most, if not all, a…  [+] (42 new replies) 05/22/2015 on The straight talk express +444
User avatar #546 - lathyrusvii (05/22/2015) [-]
smash. brick. ya.
#523 - Absolute Madman (05/22/2015) [-]
Hell no Bruh id take the left over the right any day I love pale chicks
#498 - Absolute Madman (05/22/2015) [-]
i totally agree. them thighs are too much too give up
#461 - Absolute Madman (05/22/2015) [-]
Yeah cause you know the right one can kick your ass you fat fuck.
User avatar #447 - xsnowbanex (05/22/2015) [-]
Oh I thought the same. I want the one on the left so badly
#423 - nthmetal (05/22/2015) [-]
also one on right reminds me of a man
User avatar #387 - ZenMacros (05/22/2015) [-]
Fit girls make me rock hard, but she was still in pretty good shape on the left. She just got thinner and more toned, but she wasn't fat or even chubby before.
#379 - Absolute Madman (05/22/2015) [-]
ProTip for dating/marriage:

If you start with the girl on the left - 9 times out of ten, after, 5 or 10 years of dating, she'll be a whale. If you're into that, cool, just be aware.

If you start with a girl who has the body on the right - 9 times out of ten, after 5 or 10 years of dating, she'll put on some weight and look like the girl on the left.

Almost everyone gains weight as they age. If you like thick girls and not fat girls - and you want to get married - plan accordingly. Pretty much every curvy girl I knew in high school and college was FAT by 35.
User avatar #520 - javertshat (05/22/2015) [-]
Just for fun: Got any source on those statistics? Maybe a lot of personal experience with dating women for 5-10 years?
User avatar #453 - admin (05/22/2015) [-]
sadly true

i'll just stick with being a hermit
#516 - Absolute Madman (05/22/2015) [-]
and a wizard?
User avatar #367 - rplix (05/22/2015) [-]
Agreed. It's hard to cuddle with a muscly girl. Chubby girls give warm hugs
User avatar #525 - wtfduud (05/22/2015) [-]
Fat is colder than muscles, because it's farther away from your body.
User avatar #558 - rplix (05/22/2015) [-]
But it's squishier.
#363 - Dagoron (05/22/2015) [-]
#371 - thedudeintheshirt (05/22/2015) [-]
Because they're the same person and she can't be two levels of fitness at one time
User avatar #333 - lotengo (05/22/2015) [-]
she hot, but the panties make her look like she's on her period
#332 - Absolute Madman (05/22/2015) [-]
girls without any trace of muscles are kinda no matter how much they weigh
as long they are kinda fit they can be kinda chubby too
#261 - Absolute Madman (05/22/2015) [-]
The left one...
#228 - Absolute Madman (05/22/2015) [-]
Certainly not just you. I mean, from an evolutionary point of view (I think that's a proper use of the term), most men should be attracted to the woman on the left, as a slightly higher amount of body fat (at least compared to the right) generally indicates better fertility and ability to nurse the child after birth, hence her thighs looking damned sexy.
#219 - poorfaag (05/22/2015) [-]
right anytime
#197 - junkbumpkin (05/22/2015) [-]
This is a genuine question. I get the attraction of a girl with a big ass and large hips. But I don't understand why people find fat ones more attractive it seems. Like, for example, the left pic of her, it's literally just FLAB, which is soft and jiggly and, i don't know, just fat.

There's a girl who I work with who's ass is like twice as large as my torso, and every other girl is like "Damn I wish I had her ass," when it's literally just fat, from everything she eats going to her thighs, which makes her look a bit dis-proportioned.

I personally find the one on the right more attractive because her body isn't going to be as hard as a rock, but her ass and thighs are now big because of muscle, so when i grab either, they're going to be wicked firm, rather than just squish in my hands.

So what is the appeal of girls with "Bubble butts" or "Dam that girl got a FAT ass."?
User avatar #468 - relvel (05/22/2015) [-]
It's hard-coded into our brains. Our instincts haven't worn off completely, and they probably never will. Large hipbones mean a wider birth canal, which mean less pain and bleeding when giving birth, which means there is a lower chance of the woman dying after the baby is delivered, which means she can still have children, which means more humans. Large breasts mean large quantitties of milk, so children will have more calcium in their diets, resulting in stronger bones for both the child and their descendants. Our minds seek out large hips because of our base instict to multiply the human population. Our attraction to large breasts is born of our ingrained desire to improve our species. Also, since there were no obese humans in prehistoric times, our brain doesn't know the difference between a fat ass and large hipbones.
#569 - kitchendweller (05/23/2015) [-]
Large breasts have nothing to do with milk production. Now, women who have large breasts are more likely to have more estrogen and therefore are more fertile but otherwise smaller breasted women make as much milk as larger breasted ones. The main theories why women with large breasts are more attractive is because primates generally like females with larger hindquarters as swollen ass is a sign of fertility--humans began walking upright and eyes were less focused on buttocks and more focused up top so women who happened to have larger breasts (also fecundity indicator) were more sought after. Along with that, a woman who has larger breasts is easier to see as a fertile partner right away than a woman with very tiny breasts who could be mistaken for prepubescent (especially in our ancient days); large breasts are also more likely to sag when a woman ages over a woman with smaller ones therefore making it even easier to tell if a woman is at her prime fertile age (remember, young and perky = fertile). Many argue that breasts size doesnt matter because breasts sexualization is purely cultural and only certain cultures condition males to find them "sexy" through learned sexual scripts and gender expectation but some argue to evolutionary reasoning has enough merit due to proof of elevated estrogen in larger breasted women. Men ARE however undoubtedly attracted to larger hips and thighs due to reasons here www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201206/eternal-curves Evolutionary psychology offers wonderful explanations for why humans like what they like.
#433 - bval (05/22/2015) [-]
Boobs are basically just fat. That doesn't imply that they aren't valued.
User avatar #366 - kitchendweller (05/22/2015) [-]
Well psychologically according to many theories in evolutionary psychology a lot of men like girls with bigger thighs/hips/buttocks because it is a sign of fecundity and that any children that will result will be very healthy and intelligent. That also has some merit as far as women with bigger fat stores in those areas (not due to steatopygia and probably due to being genetically inclined to accumulate more fat there as apposed to the torso) have children with healthier brains as much of the omega 3 fats they eat store in those areas and only withdrawal after extreme weight loss or during the last few months of pregnancy (accounting for other healthy eating during pregnancy) and those fats go directly to the fetuses brain development.

Read more about it here, also about mens hip to waist ratio preferences from around the world. www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201206/eternal-curves
#292 - tehlulzmasterr (05/22/2015) [-]
I like the squish.
User avatar #350 - thepandaking (05/22/2015) [-]
nailed it.
#262 - Absolute Madman (05/22/2015) [-]
Sorry, but I think the point we're all trying to make here is that the girl on the left is NOT problematically fat. She has just enough fat in her to look soft, with no significant belly, thus looking hot as hell.
#244 - Absolute Madman (05/22/2015) [-]
Agreed. Just be thankful that you are attracted to superior genetics.
#426 - junkbumpkin (05/22/2015) [-]
Because being super fit or super obese is determined by genetics.

Sarcasm
#534 - Absolute Madman (05/22/2015) [-]
Didn't say that homie. He is attracted to superior genetics.
User avatar #211 - lronman (05/22/2015) [-]
I don't like that fatass butt like nicki minaj,the large ass preference I think goes to a nice round protruding butt. But I do think that a fit girl's ass is the best ass apart from many girls losing their hips like the girl above. A great example of a near perfect lower body is nicole mejia
#215 - junkbumpkin (05/22/2015) [-]
Alright, that makes sense. But Nicole Meija, yeah, she's got a perfect set of hips, ass and thighs, that's from doing squats and cardio, that's definitely NOT excess fat like the left pic of the girl in the above pic.

On top of that, the girl in the right pic probably has the same size of thighs and everything, just the angle of the camera doesn't show it like it did in the left pic.
#171 - demyogapants (05/22/2015) [-]
gonna need this later
#155 - maxsexington (05/22/2015) [-]
She has them thighs and I assume a decent ass plus shes cute. She looks better on the left, the right is a decrease on the curves. Glad she got fit for herself.
User avatar #149 - sketchE (05/22/2015) [-]
i like the legs but the girl on the right just looks better proportion wise. the her tits match the rest of her body now
User avatar #145 - magnuskasparov (05/22/2015) [-]
yeah she thicker than a bowl of oatmeal
User avatar #142 - Lainge (05/22/2015) [-]
I want a time machine so I can do both at the same time.
It's the same person right?
#138 - milvus (05/22/2015) [-]
Yeah the one on the left makes me so hard I could drill a hole in a concrete wall with my dick
User avatar #137 - thefactsmachine (05/22/2015) [-]
Edit: I want to smash the one on the left MORE than the right.
#259 - Jesus Christ I wasn't bragging when I said "genes do"… 05/13/2015 on Few inches of carrot in 0
#43 - 9.5 shoe size. 7.7 inches from pubic bone. Shoe size doesnt ma…  [+] (18 new replies) 05/12/2015 on Few inches of carrot in -18
#141 - Absolute Madman (05/12/2015) [-]
Size 13 shoe, 4.5-5 inches. Fuck that myth about foot size.
#173 - skelebones (05/12/2015) [-]
well dont be asian then
User avatar #93 - thinemother (05/12/2015) [-]
Nice attempt to secretly brag about your manhood m8.
#112 - chillybilly (05/12/2015) [-]
I'm 7.25" and I don't give a damn who knows

This whole thing with guys being sensitive about penis size makes no sense
No matter what size or shape, it doesn't reflect in ANY way what kind of person you are.
#249 - skelebones (05/12/2015) [-]
here take this
User avatar #255 - chillybilly (05/13/2015) [-]
Merci beaucoup
#256 - skelebones (05/13/2015) [-]
de nada
User avatar #163 - thinemother (05/12/2015) [-]
exactly, who cares? Not sure why anyone feels the need to slip it into a comment like you just did.
#130 - Absolute Madman (05/12/2015) [-]
Ya Guise! I'm 13Inches and NOT Embarrased, IDK why peeple are embarrassed, let me add a heartwarming ending about how eberybody is special, so I dont look too much like an asshole trying to stroke my ego. (Next tiem try 4inches and proud, this is like saying "I make 600,000 a year and am proud, idk why people dont wanna tell their salaries, errrybody has special salaries)
#90 - Absolute Madman (05/12/2015) [-]
> thinking 7.7 is impressive
User avatar #259 - thefactsmachine (05/13/2015) [-]
Jesus Christ I wasn't bragging when I said "genes do" because thats all that matters when determining anything about the human body. I was just stating a fact. THATS WHAT I FUCKING DO.
User avatar #110 - LePedobear (05/12/2015) [-]
It is you mook.
User avatar #137 - nigeltheoutlaw (05/12/2015) [-]
Impressive? No, as that implies you did something. Above average, sure.
#257 - chillybilly (05/13/2015) [-]
#172 - skelebones (05/12/2015) [-]
kek found the butthurt microdick.
#203 - Absolute Madman (05/12/2015) [-]
>blocking me just for that

I'm actually over 7 inches not that that should change the validity of anything I've said , it's just not impressive if you were born with it. You didn't earn the dick you dumb cunt.
#208 - skelebones (05/12/2015) [-]
oh hey its you
nigger i blocked your ass months ago. you said something retarded and in an unironic manner. i forget what but that shits old nigger.
>thinking youre still relevant
>having to lie about your size to make yourself feel better
#258 - Absolute Madman (05/13/2015) [-]
Whatever you say bruv.
#169 - See I did it again goddamnit, I'm drunk. See above. No troll … 05/12/2015 on The Witcher 3 downgrade +3
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Total unique items point value: 201 / Total items point value: 1531
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#9 - Absolute Madman (08/11/2011) [-]
BLAME ANON FOR ALL MISTAKES.

-A sexy ****** in Texas.
User avatar #10 to #9 - thefactsmachine (08/11/2011) [-]
What's up sexy ****** . MAKE AN ACCOUNT!
#11 to #10 - Absolute Madman (08/11/2011) [-]
Lolno. UMADBRO?
User avatar #12 to #11 - thefactsmachine (08/11/2011) [-]
I'M BRINGING THE SHOVEL. **** YOU HANNAH
#13 to #12 - Absolute Madman (08/11/2011) [-]
I am that shovel. How do you know this is Hannah? This is just an anon.
User avatar #14 to #13 - thefactsmachine (08/11/2011) [-]
Because I told that exact thing to Hannah... HANNAH
#15 to #14 - Absolute Madman (08/11/2011) [-]
I am a shovel. Not Hannah.
#5 - Absolute Madman (08/10/2011) [-]
get big suhnn :'D
User avatar #6 to #5 - thefactsmachine (08/10/2011) [-]
Aww whatup suhn! Look how many more thumbs i got since yesterday, ahahaha
#7 to #6 - Absolute Madman (08/11/2011) [-]
i know man, its awesome. you got funny junk in check suhn. xD its funny how you knew it was me just because i said suhn xD
User avatar #8 to #7 - thefactsmachine (08/11/2011) [-]
You're the only person i know that says "ssuuuuhhhhhhnn" ahahaha
User avatar #3 - ivoryhammer (08/10/2011) [-]
Check the kid's family, his "wife" is also listed as his cousin...
User avatar #4 to #3 - thefactsmachine (08/10/2011) [-]
Figures.
#1 - Absolute Madman (08/10/2011) [-]
man that phresh fat dude is ******* hilarious
User avatar #2 to #1 - thefactsmachine (08/10/2011) [-]
Much apreeshed man
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