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phantomonkey

Rank #6705 on Comments
phantomonkey Avatar Level 214 Comments: Comedic Genius
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Personal Info
Gender: male
Consoles Owned: Xbox 360
Video Games Played: Dark Souls
X-box Gamertag: MushyBird
Interests: Dark Souls
Date Signed Up:8/05/2013
Last Login:12/26/2014
Location:Pen Island
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Comment Ranking:#6705
Highest Comment Rank:#3011
Comment Thumbs: 1667 total,  1814 ,  147
Content Level Progress: 6.77% (4/59)
Level 0 Content: Untouched account → Level 1 Content: New Here
Comment Level Progress: 6% (6/100)
Level 214 Comments: Comedic Genius → Level 215 Comments: Comedic Genius
Subscribers:1
Total Comments Made:553
FJ Points:1407
Sometimes I hide in the oven and hope someone turns me into cookies. It's pretty fun being made of marshmallows, but it's difficult to be in the line of work I'm in. As a firefighter, I shoot Pyromancers with my laser gun pinata named Rodriguez Montivo Alabaster III. Spaghetti is quite likely to be the greatest human invention since spaghetti. I like Dark Souls, so Praise the Sun and what-not... I don't like talking about myself, so how about we talk about you, baby? What's yo name?

latest user's comments

#56 - I couldn't watch all of it... It was just, ew. 20 hours ago on shes got a point +1
#48 - I still think it looks like a character in a fighting game. 21 hours ago on Random comp of Black Tumblr 0
#46 - Oh... This sounds like something you've more experien…  [+] (1 new reply) 12/25/2014 on Sometimes they need it 0
User avatar #49 - beroty (12/25/2014) [-]
i'll tell you an history
i worked for some months has an building guard
it was the day shift and i was sat at there thinking about my life trying to get it together
them suddenly i start to feel an stomach pain and started to shit myself
"holy crap it can't be happening right there", them after it stopped i kept farting since it wasn't going to change nothing anyway
them i got up like an english landlord and went to the bathroom with my pants dripping in shit
there i started to think what to do, so i removed my pants and put it on the toilet with some liquid soap and created an washing machine, them i started to flood the bathroom putting toilet paper on the toilets and on the sinks and put some water on myself too (all acording to my keikaku)
them i kicked the door to produce an high sound trying to capture the attention of my co-worker, when he came to the bathroom he stod there perplexed by the flood and smell of shit and his co-worker all wet
so he asked to me what the fuck had happened
i told him "some bastard came here and flooded the bathroom, i slipped on the water and hurt my back, that's why i'm all wet"
them he said to me to go home and he'll explain to the boss what happened
sorry for bad english
*translator note: keikaku means plan
#40 - A good point. However, what if you felt the brown inquisition …  [+] (3 new replies) 12/25/2014 on Sometimes they need it 0
User avatar #45 - beroty (12/25/2014) [-]
>semi-clean
i assure you when the shitstorm hits you the condition of your pants it's the last thing you'll have to worry about
(i'm talking about walking throught the place with the brownish mass of sadness and destruction in your pants)
User avatar #46 - phantomonkey (12/25/2014) [-]
Oh...

This sounds like something you've more experience with than me.

I'm sorry.
User avatar #49 - beroty (12/25/2014) [-]
i'll tell you an history
i worked for some months has an building guard
it was the day shift and i was sat at there thinking about my life trying to get it together
them suddenly i start to feel an stomach pain and started to shit myself
"holy crap it can't be happening right there", them after it stopped i kept farting since it wasn't going to change nothing anyway
them i got up like an english landlord and went to the bathroom with my pants dripping in shit
there i started to think what to do, so i removed my pants and put it on the toilet with some liquid soap and created an washing machine, them i started to flood the bathroom putting toilet paper on the toilets and on the sinks and put some water on myself too (all acording to my keikaku)
them i kicked the door to produce an high sound trying to capture the attention of my co-worker, when he came to the bathroom he stod there perplexed by the flood and smell of shit and his co-worker all wet
so he asked to me what the fuck had happened
i told him "some bastard came here and flooded the bathroom, i slipped on the water and hurt my back, that's why i'm all wet"
them he said to me to go home and he'll explain to the boss what happened
sorry for bad english
*translator note: keikaku means plan
#31 - Virginia might not be able to beat him, but Carrot Cake is a r… 12/25/2014 on Link in description +3
#24 - Strawberry jelly is the only jelly. Anyone who disagr… 12/25/2014 on 4chin +5
#17 - Student on iFunny -- "Look at all these funny comics!&q… 12/25/2014 on Funnyjunk (5) +8
#26 - ... Fallout 3 and NV . Mass Effect TES 3,…  [+] (2 new replies) 12/25/2014 on Next one will be better +1
#49 - thegrimgenius (12/25/2014) [-]
>Fallout 3
Six, let me repeat that, SIX choices that effect the ending of the game. And half of them are misc. shit like getting the violin for the old lady.
#39 - greyhoundfd (12/25/2014) [-]
Actually, NV has a fair amount of choice. The others not so much, but in NV you can just kill everyone related to the main quests. With the Bethesda and Bioware ones they just set them to essential or unattackable and it just forces you into a certain path, with a couple minor variations at times.
#30 - No sir that is when you've made mess in your pantaloons, and y…  [+] (5 new replies) 12/25/2014 on Sometimes they need it +1
User avatar #39 - beroty (12/25/2014) [-]
well, if you already made the mess on your pantaloons why stop there?
go on, keep doing
what's an little fart on an giant pile of shit anyway?
User avatar #40 - phantomonkey (12/25/2014) [-]
A good point. However, what if you felt the brown inquisition stop at your undies, and would like to keep your pantaloons semi-clean.
User avatar #45 - beroty (12/25/2014) [-]
>semi-clean
i assure you when the shitstorm hits you the condition of your pants it's the last thing you'll have to worry about
(i'm talking about walking throught the place with the brownish mass of sadness and destruction in your pants)
User avatar #46 - phantomonkey (12/25/2014) [-]
Oh...

This sounds like something you've more experience with than me.

I'm sorry.
User avatar #49 - beroty (12/25/2014) [-]
i'll tell you an history
i worked for some months has an building guard
it was the day shift and i was sat at there thinking about my life trying to get it together
them suddenly i start to feel an stomach pain and started to shit myself
"holy crap it can't be happening right there", them after it stopped i kept farting since it wasn't going to change nothing anyway
them i got up like an english landlord and went to the bathroom with my pants dripping in shit
there i started to think what to do, so i removed my pants and put it on the toilet with some liquid soap and created an washing machine, them i started to flood the bathroom putting toilet paper on the toilets and on the sinks and put some water on myself too (all acording to my keikaku)
them i kicked the door to produce an high sound trying to capture the attention of my co-worker, when he came to the bathroom he stod there perplexed by the flood and smell of shit and his co-worker all wet
so he asked to me what the fuck had happened
i told him "some bastard came here and flooded the bathroom, i slipped on the water and hurt my back, that's why i'm all wet"
them he said to me to go home and he'll explain to the boss what happened
sorry for bad english
*translator note: keikaku means plan
#30 - Matt Binder used "whom" incorrectly. Time t… 12/25/2014 on Based-Lawyer +2

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