Home Original Content Funny Pictures Funny GIFs YouTube Funny Text Funny Movies Channels Search

hide menu

megaflak    

Rank #230 on Content
megaflak Avatar Level 212 Comments: Comedic Genius
Offline
Send mail to megaflak Block megaflak Invite megaflak to be your friend flag avatar
Last status update:
-
Personal Info
Gender: male
Age: 19
Steam Profile: Sky Pirate Walrus
Video Games Played: A lot
Date Signed Up:1/02/2012
Last Login:7/11/2014
Location:Frontpage
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Content Ranking:#230
Comment Ranking:#7830
Highest Content Rank:#230
Highest Comment Rank:#6035
Content Thumbs: 16323 total,  17999 ,  1676
Comment Thumbs: 1288 total,  1560 ,  272
Content Level Progress: 74.1% (741/1000)
Level 212 Content: Comedic Genius → Level 213 Content: Comedic Genius
Comment Level Progress: 29% (29/100)
Level 212 Comments: Comedic Genius → Level 213 Comments: Comedic Genius
Subscribers:0
Content Views:729575
Times Content Favorited:974 times
Total Comments Made:919
FJ Points:3883
Favorite Tags: Cars (4) | crashes (4) | emerald (3) | Pokemon (3) | Ruby (2)
What are you doin' in my swamp!

latest user's comments

#228 - doubt 06/30/2014 on Post below and I'll say... 0
#16 - You should look up ones on Long Live The Queen  [+] (3 new replies) 06/30/2014 on Steam review compilation... +3
#53 - anonymous (06/30/2014) [-]
I regret ever having seen this game
Thanks bro
#36 - Rvalldrgg (06/30/2014) [-]
#32 - urapooper (06/30/2014) [-]
you mean Game of Thrones Kawaii Dark Souls edition
#61 - I'm a rebel, so I'm not commenting 06/29/2014 on dont post here! +2
#3 - Found on imgur please dont hurt me 06/29/2014 on No Escape -1
#1520 - What a nice roll... too bad no one is here to see it. 06/29/2014 on FJ will shut down in 1 week +1
#627 - Not this again! 06/29/2014 on True Equality 0
#547 - Holy **** 06/28/2014 on Loser Bingo 0
#540 - You already did that one Dissapointed  [+] (8 new replies) 06/28/2014 on Loser Bingo 0
#543 - billyborschtbelt (06/28/2014) [-]
#544 - billyborschtbelt (06/28/2014) [-]
If a dog has no nose, how does it smell?

Awful
#550 - conzota (06/28/2014) [-]
My turn, step aside peasant
#551 - billyborschtbelt (06/28/2014) [-]
EEAASYYY!
#552 - billyborschtbelt (06/28/2014) [-]
#553 - billyborschtbelt (06/28/2014) [-]
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick!
#555 - conzota (06/28/2014) [-]
#566 - conzota (06/28/2014) [-]
#14 - I feel so dumb but jokexplain please?  [+] (4 new replies) 06/28/2014 on Good solid German humor +1
#21 - justleaving (06/28/2014) [-]
See my answer to #10
User avatar #19 - hlcptr (06/28/2014) [-]
Scarface - Say Hello To My Little Friend
Its pretty much the WW1 German version of this.
User avatar #17 - breadcrumbtheif (06/28/2014) [-]
It's a German WWI comic poking fun at the French in light of the momentum the Germans had in the early days of the war; the Germans steamrolled Northern France, but lost momentum within 60 miles of Paris.
User avatar #16 - hlcptr (06/28/2014) [-]
Germans didn't like the French at a time. Multiple times actually. It came to an exchange of cannon shells more then once. So shooting a French bitch in the face is what they did for fun.
#52 - Forgot to login  [+] (2 new replies) 06/28/2014 on Book 3 in a nutshell 0
User avatar #82 - deepgreen (06/28/2014) [-]
Yes it's definitely worth checking out again, it's gone back to the the roots of the last airbender imo. Much better than the first 2 seasons so far!
User avatar #78 - EnergizierAnon (06/28/2014) [-]
umm, well yea. if it's not your thing, then you won't like it. Imo, i like the whole show though.
#5949 - Hey Kody, will you make a website dedicated to your comics? If… 06/27/2014 on Kodylol's profile 0
#169 - GIB GIB GIB 06/27/2014 on All around the world... 0
#140781 - How do I use a 7 day text changing item?  [+] (1 new reply) 06/27/2014 on Advice - love advice,... +1
#15 - Mount and blade mentioned Swell with pride … 06/25/2014 on Steam review compilation... 0
#23 - Whew, I thought that was going to be a gay porno for a second there 06/24/2014 on betanomore +1
#30 - I've never had a feeling of satisfaction like this before 06/24/2014 on how a 13 y'o tried hack a... +4
#35 - ******* lost it at Mr Krabs 06/24/2014 on 1/10 +6
#979482 - Not sure about the first one, but yes.  [+] (1 new reply) 06/24/2014 on Video Games Board - console... -1
User avatar #979483 - blazekingxxx (06/24/2014) [-]
Netframework is pretty damn important my mate did not have it installed but when he did his FPS went up by like 200%
#10071 - I'm a little computer illiterate, are these all the parts needed?  [+] (1 new reply) 06/23/2014 on Technology Board +1
User avatar #10072 - Mortuus (06/23/2014) [-]
Aside from a monitor, yes. Use a TV with an HDMI input, if you don't have one.
#10069 - So, can someone help me with builds? I have 700-800 dollars, 9…  [+] (6 new replies) 06/23/2014 on Technology Board +1
User avatar #10091 - norwegiandude (06/24/2014) [-]
Buy a PS4
User avatar #10081 - sannukas (06/24/2014) [-]
User avatar #10073 - kober (06/24/2014) [-]
Let me also copy & paste my $700-800 budget build I made ripping off half of Mortuus' ideas. Except I changed the case to the 450D given the "900 at a stretch" comment

pcpartpicker.com/p/NGRXYJ
User avatar #10070 - Mortuus (06/23/2014) [-]
Here, let me copy and paste the other ~$700 budget build.

pcpartpicker.com/p/MD83mG
User avatar #10071 - megaflak (06/23/2014) [-]
I'm a little computer illiterate, are these all the parts needed?
User avatar #10072 - Mortuus (06/23/2014) [-]
Aside from a monitor, yes. Use a TV with an HDMI input, if you don't have one.
#979464 - I can build it myself  [+] (1 new reply) 06/23/2014 on Video Games Board - console... -1
User avatar #979466 - sannukas (06/23/2014) [-]
Then make a post to www.funnyjunk.com/technology/ and request for a build. Make sure you say your budget and other details what you think might be important.
#979455 - Any good computer recommendations? I've been thinking of …  [+] (4 new replies) 06/23/2014 on Video Games Board - console... 0
User avatar #979462 - Mortuus (06/23/2014) [-]
Head on over to the tech board if you want a partlist. You'll get a few.
User avatar #979461 - sannukas (06/23/2014) [-]
Do you want a custom build or do you want to build it yourself?
I don't really recommend pre-built walmart computer.
User avatar #979464 - megaflak (06/23/2014) [-]
I can build it myself
User avatar #979466 - sannukas (06/23/2014) [-]
Then make a post to www.funnyjunk.com/technology/ and request for a build. Make sure you say your budget and other details what you think might be important.
#979452 - I check both, it fails on both but I can usually run it pretty…  [+] (6 new replies) 06/23/2014 on Video Games Board - console... 0
User avatar #979453 - sannukas (06/23/2014) [-]
Well the specs you posted below are pretty low end.
You have a low end CPU from 2009 and same for the GPU.
User avatar #979455 - megaflak (06/23/2014) [-]
Any good computer recommendations?
I've been thinking of starting fresh anyway and I was wondering if you have a good selection of parts I should get.
(Thanks by the way)
User avatar #979462 - Mortuus (06/23/2014) [-]
Head on over to the tech board if you want a partlist. You'll get a few.
User avatar #979461 - sannukas (06/23/2014) [-]
Do you want a custom build or do you want to build it yourself?
I don't really recommend pre-built walmart computer.
User avatar #979464 - megaflak (06/23/2014) [-]
I can build it myself
User avatar #979466 - sannukas (06/23/2014) [-]
Then make a post to www.funnyjunk.com/technology/ and request for a build. Make sure you say your budget and other details what you think might be important.
#979450 - Oh and games... Fallout Franchise Game Of Thrones…  [+] (2 new replies) 06/23/2014 on Video Games Board - console... 0
User avatar #979568 - thundagawd (06/24/2014) [-]
Fallout 3, New Vegas, and Just Cause 2 should run on you machine. Game Of Thrones should as well (According to the required specs anyways). Regarding The Witcher, you'll easily be able to run The Witcher 1, but not The Witcher 2, as it's a pretty demanding game (They list a GTX 640 as the recommended card just to run the game smoothly on medium). As for DayZ, I want to say you SHOULD be able to run the game, but probably not in it's current state, as the optimization is disgusting at the moment (I have an i7 3770K OC'ed to 4.5 Ghz and 2 GTX 770's in SLI OC'ed by 10% and I often drop to like 20 FPS even when playing on low, to give you an idea of just how badly optimized it is). And regarding Space Engineers, your machine hits the minimum, but they list a 460 as the recommended GPU, so you might have a few performance issues here and there (Not to mention it's also Early Access, so it might have optimization issues as well).
User avatar #979454 - burningdash (06/23/2014) [-]
its probs should hold for atleast fallout JC2 and the witcher (1?)

not sure what specs the 3 other games need, because i havent checked em up
#979449 - Amd Sempron 140 processor NVIDIA GeForce GT 430 No …  [+] (3 new replies) 06/23/2014 on Video Games Board - console... 0
User avatar #979450 - megaflak (06/23/2014) [-]
Oh and games...

Fallout Franchise
Game Of Thrones (Check Steam)
Just Cause 2
The Witcher
DayZ
Space Engineers

User avatar #979568 - thundagawd (06/24/2014) [-]
Fallout 3, New Vegas, and Just Cause 2 should run on you machine. Game Of Thrones should as well (According to the required specs anyways). Regarding The Witcher, you'll easily be able to run The Witcher 1, but not The Witcher 2, as it's a pretty demanding game (They list a GTX 640 as the recommended card just to run the game smoothly on medium). As for DayZ, I want to say you SHOULD be able to run the game, but probably not in it's current state, as the optimization is disgusting at the moment (I have an i7 3770K OC'ed to 4.5 Ghz and 2 GTX 770's in SLI OC'ed by 10% and I often drop to like 20 FPS even when playing on low, to give you an idea of just how badly optimized it is). And regarding Space Engineers, your machine hits the minimum, but they list a 460 as the recommended GPU, so you might have a few performance issues here and there (Not to mention it's also Early Access, so it might have optimization issues as well).
User avatar #979454 - burningdash (06/23/2014) [-]
its probs should hold for atleast fallout JC2 and the witcher (1?)

not sure what specs the 3 other games need, because i havent checked em up
Show:
Sort by:
Order:

items

Total unique items point value: 1250 / Total items point value: 2640

Comments(100):

 

Show All Replies Show Shortcuts
Per page:
Order:
Anonymous commenting is allowed
User avatar #91 - scoutyderpy (15 hours ago) [-]
Space Hitler: Part 2
Space Hitler Strikes Back
User avatar #92 to #91 - scoutyderpy (15 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 8** Eat a pretzel
User avatar #93 to #92 - megaflak (15 hours ago) [-]
Not only did you eat a pretzel, you win a lottery when you bought the pretzel! There is either a prize of

-Battle Cruiser
or
-Tickets to Saturday Night Live
User avatar #94 to #93 - scoutyderpy (15 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 2** Choose the SNL tickets.
User avatar #95 to #94 - megaflak (15 hours ago) [-]
You take them and before you know it the air picks them up and carries them in the wind.

You decide it's time to rise up in the ranks. You can proclaim yourself Fuhrer of Germany, America, or both.
User avatar #96 to #95 - scoutyderpy (15 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 3** Buy 152 pretzels
User avatar #97 to #96 - megaflak (15 hours ago) [-]
You have no money.
User avatar #98 to #97 - scoutyderpy (15 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 1**Sell Germany and get 933,000,000,000 dollars.
User avatar #99 to #98 - megaflak (15 hours ago) [-]
They revolt and exile you to america

German -100/100
America 0/100
User avatar #100 to #99 - scoutyderpy (15 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 2** Go back to Quazar and disguise as Space Putin
User avatar #101 to #100 - megaflak (15 hours ago) [-]
They discover you and exile you to America. Again.

America: -50
Quazar -100
User avatar #102 to #101 - scoutyderpy (15 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 7** Go to Quazar and sleep.
User avatar #103 to #102 - megaflak (15 hours ago) [-]
You manage to fly back to Quazar and rest

Strength: 5/10
Intelligence: 7/10
Agility: 5/10
Charisma: 6/10
User avatar #104 to #103 - scoutyderpy (15 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 1** Go to America and bring the pretzels
#105 to #104 - megaflak (15 hours ago) [-]
The americans, fed up with your shenanigans, decide to kill you when your plane docked.

You have died.

In this game you

-Bought pretzels
-Did not rise to power
-Crashed a cruiser
-Fell asleep (a lot)
-Titled yourself Space Hitler
-bought more pretzels
User avatar #70 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
Space Hitler: Part 2
Revenge of The Sleeping *******

You go back to sleep

YOUR STATS ARE:

Strength: 5/10
Intelligence: 7/10
Agility: 5/10
Charisma: 3/10
User avatar #71 to #70 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 6** Go back to sleep
User avatar #72 to #71 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
Space Hitler decides to go look for a crew, now that he is very well rested. He will either go to

Earth
Elsewhere
User avatar #73 to #72 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 1**
Go to mars
User avatar #74 to #73 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
Your ship crashes and lands on earth. You seem to be on the german border. You have minor scrapes and bruises due to your advanced cargo ship storage area.
User avatar #75 to #74 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 6** Go to sleep on the side of the road.
User avatar #76 to #75 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You fall asleep on the side of the road, and after 8 hours you hear a ship passing by. They call to you and ask you to hop aboard. However, do to your above average INT you spot that they bear the colors of a pirate. What do you do?

YOUR STATS ARE:

Strength: 5/10
Intelligence: 7/10
Agility: 5/10
Charisma: 3/10
User avatar #77 to #76 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 8** Place C4 all over the ship.
User avatar #78 to #77 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You dismiss them and they start to float away. However, you sneak near their ship and strap C4 on the bottom of the ship and move a safe distance away.
User avatar #79 to #78 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 4** It blows up and I salvage parts from it to make a plane
User avatar #80 to #79 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You manage to blow it up, but you weren't able to salvage parts from it. You did, however earn the respect of the German people, as the whole thing was recorded on TV.
User avatar #81 to #80 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 9** I go to the german airforce base.
User avatar #82 to #81 - megaflak (15 hours ago) [-]
You enter the base, greeted with applause. They government gives you an honorary Battle Cruiser, with a full crew of 50 for destroying the notorious Norse Pirate, and offer you a position in their government. (From here you can obtain power on Earth)
User avatar #83 to #82 - scoutyderpy (15 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 9** I take a plane and go to the U.S.
User avatar #84 to #83 - megaflak (15 hours ago) [-]
You take a deluxe flight onboard when the plane is targeted by terrorists! Thankfully, the crew of the ship heroiclly fought them off, but you got all the credit. You are now in 'Merica

(American Respect, 50/100
German Respect, 100/100)
User avatar #85 to #84 - scoutyderpy (15 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 5** Fly to New York.
User avatar #86 to #85 - megaflak (15 hours ago) [-]
You flew to New York with no problems
User avatar #87 to #86 - scoutyderpy (15 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 5** Fly down and stop for some pretzels.
User avatar #88 to #87 - megaflak (15 hours ago) [-]
You have obtained some pretzels

(1x) Pretzel
User avatar #89 to #88 - scoutyderpy (15 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 9** Fly into the American Trade Center.
User avatar #90 to #89 - megaflak (15 hours ago) [-]
You flew into the trade towers 2.0 and escaped unnoticed. You also earned the respect of the american people, as video taped it looked like you had stopped it from crashing into the second tower

(US - 100)
(Germany - 100)
User avatar #49 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You are a European King who is secretly gay, and you are marrying the queen of France.
You want to find a ring for her, so you must either go into the town, or go look elsewhere.
User avatar #50 to #49 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 9** Kill myself
User avatar #51 to #50 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You killed yourself

You have died.

In this game you

-an hero'd
User avatar #52 to #51 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You are human in the distant future of 25XX
You are searching for the Yoohoo Milk of the true god shrek

It is either in the treacherous swamps, or the hidden caves of Earth
User avatar #53 to #52 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 0** Have hot heavy sweaty secks with Shrek.
User avatar #54 to #53 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You died

In this game you

-What

Retry?
User avatar #55 to #54 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You are a Roman Soldier stationed in a town near barbarian tribes. They raid the town and set it on fire and you must save it (or run like a bitch)

Will you go to the well, or the hills
User avatar #56 to #55 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 5** Kill myself.
User avatar #57 to #56 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You died

in this game you

-an hero'd
User avatar #58 to #57 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You are a human in the distant future on the planet Quazar, and your quest is to kill everyone. The first place to massacre is either Earth, or a rebel space ship.
User avatar #59 to #58 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 8**
Kill all the filthy jews.
User avatar #60 to #59 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You get to work with a your Hitler mustache and you managed to scavenge a small cargo ship that you can fit with guns and gain crew. What will you do now?
User avatar #61 to #60 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 5** Go home and sleep.
User avatar #62 to #61 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You go to your deck and fall asleep on your bed

YOUR STATS ARE:

Strength: 5/10
Intelligence: 7/10
Agility: 5/10
Charisma: 3/10
User avatar #63 to #62 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 1** Go back to sleep.
User avatar #64 to #63 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You try as hard as you can, but you had just woken up. You remember that your ship needs maintenance, so you decide to go get some crew members. Where you should search for fellow Nazi's?

Earth
Elsewhere
User avatar #65 to #64 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 2**
Eat soup mixed with sleeping tea.
User avatar #66 to #65 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You attempt to swallow it but you spill it all over your chest like a ******* retard Space HItler that doesn't go looking for a crew
User avatar #67 to #66 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 5** I don't gib **** .
I am Space Hitler.
I am going to sleep.
User avatar #68 to #67 - megaflak (16 hours ago) [-]
You fall asleep

YOUR STATS ARE:

Strength: 5/10
Intelligence: 7/10
Agility: 5/10
Charisma: 3/10
User avatar #69 to #68 - scoutyderpy (16 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 5** Go back to sleep
User avatar #29 - scoutyderpy (19 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 7** I summon in a decoy with fresh meat straight from a pig.
User avatar #30 to #29 - megaflak (19 hours ago) [-]
The dead start to eat the decoy, completely ignoring you, but before you know it, the catacomb doors break open and 4 bandits that were looting the place come out. They see you, dressed in velvet robes, wearing the finest jewelry, and immediately charge at you.
#31 to #30 - scoutyderpy (18 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 4**
I make myself invisible and go behind a tree
User avatar #32 to #31 - megaflak (18 hours ago) [-]
It works partially, and you cloak yourself for 2 turns. The bandits noticed you suddenly disappearing, and are now getting dangerously close to you.
User avatar #33 to #32 - scoutyderpy (18 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 1** I bite them on the neck and make them into my minions.
User avatar #34 to #33 - megaflak (18 hours ago) [-]
You run up to them to bite them, but they see you and stab you in the head. You have been permanently wounded, and all your future rolls will be subtracted by 1. The last thing you see before blacking out, is them running away with your cloak and jewels, as the dead start to approach you.
#36 to #34 - scoutyderpy (18 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 6** I get the knife and stab all of them.
The blue is the mist.
#37 to #36 - megaflak (18 hours ago) [-]
You awake a second later to the dead men and the robbers still running, towards and away! You may be able to get them if you clear the zombies. You grab one of the bandits knives that was dropped and cast a duplicating spell to have enough knives to throw. You are still severely wounded and must try to get to the robbers if you want to get back the map!
User avatar #38 to #37 - scoutyderpy (18 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 2** I let them off so I could win all the marbles.
#39 to #38 - megaflak (18 hours ago) [-]
You let them get away with the map, but you are still wounded and bleeding out. You see the open catacomb doors, but there probably isn't anything in there. Will you search the catacombs, go north, go south, go west, or go east? (as you lost the map to the other location since the bandits stole it.
User avatar #40 to #39 - scoutyderpy (18 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 5** I go home and go into my room and play an RP game on Funnyjunk.
User avatar #41 to #40 - megaflak (18 hours ago) [-]
You attempt to go home, but you remember you're a black wizard and you don't know what a "funnyfunk" or a "arpee" is. (2 turns till bleedout/death)
User avatar #42 to #41 - scoutyderpy (18 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 8** I go home and sleep.
User avatar #43 to #42 - megaflak (18 hours ago) [-]
Since you sold your home to go on an adventure, you make a makeshift cabin with a spell out the tree that you felled earlier. Your wound also closes a little bit.(You have a new homebase that you can reach by rolling 4 or above) (5 turns till bleedout)
User avatar #45 to #43 - megaflak (18 hours ago) [-]
Also, Day 1 is now over and your stats are

Health 2/10
Strength 5/10
Magic 7/10
Agility 4/10

Score right now is 100 (100 score every day)
User avatar #44 to #43 - scoutyderpy (18 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 4** I go to the end of the tree and use some leaves and some stretchy twigs.
User avatar #46 to #44 - megaflak (18 hours ago) [-]
You manage to make a messed up bandage, but when you applied it it breaks apart... you should try using something else to heal your wound (4 turns till bleedout)
User avatar #47 to #46 - scoutyderpy (18 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 1**
I make a sharp stick and cut off my arm. I then bandage it and go outside of the tree.
#48 to #47 - megaflak (18 hours ago) [-]
You fail completely and accidently stick it in your eye. You slowly die, writhing in pain while screaming for help.

You have died

In this play through:

-You tried to eat a dog
-You accidentally destroyed a tree and woke up an ancient evil
-You made an onion bracelet
-You were robbed by bandits
-You made a house and was killed by a stick
User avatar #7 - megaflak (19 hours ago) [-]
Ok scouty, lets start


You are a black wizard in the medival era. You are looking for a magical Wand that can grant anything. You know it is either in a graveyard, or a mansion, which do you go to?
User avatar #8 to #7 - scoutyderpy (19 hours ago) [-]
I go to the graveyard of Zlakathla.
User avatar #9 to #8 - megaflak (19 hours ago) [-]
You walk up to the graveyard. A shroud of mist envelops the surrounding area. You see a gate, and a small dog in front of it. Do you want to go inside the gate or find another way?
User avatar #10 to #9 - scoutyderpy (19 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 3** I will eat the dog first and then find another way!
User avatar #11 to #10 - megaflak (19 hours ago) [-]
You kick the dog in an attempt to kill it, but it's not as strong as you hoped. It bites your leg and runs off. You start to look for another entrance, and stumble upon a broken up section in the spiked gate. What do you do?
User avatar #12 to #11 - scoutyderpy (19 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 1** I rip the fence away with my magic, and try to make it safer.
User avatar #13 to #12 - megaflak (19 hours ago) [-]
Your magic ***** up and it bounces off the fence and into a tree, making it crash into the ground. If there is anything in there, they are definitely awake by now because of that noise.
User avatar #14 to #13 - scoutyderpy (19 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 5** I climb the fence and make a shield around me.
What the **** did you just ******* say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the **** out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my ******* words. You think you can get away with saying that **** to me over the Internet? Think again, ****** . As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re ******* dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little **** . If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ******* tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will **** fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re ******* dead, kiddo.
User avatar #15 to #14 - megaflak (19 hours ago) [-]
You climb the fence without any problems and cast a shield around yourself. You look around to see a few empty graves and an entrance to a catacomb. Suddenly, you feel something jump onto your back, but your shield deflects it! It's a rotting human, that seems to be heavily armored and has a double-handed sword. What do you do?
User avatar #16 to #15 - scoutyderpy (19 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 3** I rip its head off with my bare hands and steal its swords
User avatar #17 to #16 - megaflak (19 hours ago) [-]
It blocks your hands, and attempts to stab you. Your shield has broke and the force of the sword hitting your spell sends you flying backwards. You look up to see another rotting human looking down on you, what do you do?
#18 to #17 - scoutyderpy (19 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 2**
I teleport out of there and hide behind a thick tree.
User avatar #19 to #18 - megaflak (19 hours ago) [-]
It stabs you in the leg and you squirm in pain, it has you in it's grasp and you can't get out right now without a healing spell, but it may also be more effective to get rid of both of them right now.
User avatar #21 to #19 - scoutyderpy (19 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 3** I cast a spell to teleport Ni ggaless cholas Cage in so I can teleport out of there and hide behind a tree to heal.
Nicholas Cage then screams "BEES! NOT THE BEES! Even though they aren't bees.
User avatar #22 to #21 - megaflak (19 hours ago) [-]
You manage to get a small teleport, but it only manages to move you out of the rotting humans grasp, meanwhile the first one is still approaching you
User avatar #23 to #22 - scoutyderpy (19 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 7** I try to teleport in Ni ggaless Cage again.
I heal and make myself invisible.
User avatar #24 to #23 - megaflak (19 hours ago) [-]
You healed and managed to cloak yourself, not only that, but your previous spell kicks in and you manage to get behind the tree. Both of the rotting humans are clueless to your whereabouts, and the cloak will last 3 more turns.
User avatar #25 to #24 - scoutyderpy (19 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 030,204,954** I cast in Reggie Fils-Aime and he kills everyone
The End.
User avatar #26 to #25 - megaflak (19 hours ago) [-]
You spell fails miserably and you manage to summon nearly every dead in the graveyard. Your cloak breaks and the gate you jumped in has seemed to patched itself up. You also have an eerie feeling (Something bad will happen in 2 turns!)
User avatar #27 to #26 - scoutyderpy (19 hours ago) [-]
**scoutyderpy rolls 4**
I summon in an onion necklace around me neck.
I made this.
***********
User avatar #28 to #27 - megaflak (19 hours ago) [-]
You manage to summon a bracelet sized onion ring. The dead have once again spotted you and are moving closer.
User avatar #6 - scoutyderpy (19 hours ago) [-]
Fkn nggrs.
#5 - megaflak (02/23/2014) [-]
Hi ragingbrony

Have a walrus
User avatar #1 - npfortytwo (08/18/2012) [-]
NIPPLE CLAMPS
 Friends (0)