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luckythatoneguy

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Gender: male
Steam Profile: luckythat1guy
X-box Gamertag: LuckyThat 1 Guy
Date Signed Up:2/18/2012
Last Login:12/26/2014
Location:Hawaii
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#6 - luckythatoneguy (11/07/2012) [-]
Your first glance out of your old home
Reminds you that you are now alone
The new room is a reminder of the past
With bones scattered around the shattered glass
Shocked at first to the grisly sight
Though it wont be the first in your long plight

Stepping out the door, you wish to die
Hits you as you look at the sky
the amazing vastness of the new place
One of the last beatuies of the wastes
Spotting lights not so far off in the distance
You reach the camp easily with no resistance

Lucky you with you'r charisma high
You find a place to let you'r body lye
The group you found were wandering traders
And as you find out, thankfully not raiders
Listining to the advice of the ramshackle clan
You start to think up your next plan

You awake abruptly in the middle of the night
With sounds warning of an approaching fight
Grabbing a gun, cloths,water and ran
Leaving behind the caravan
Running until you could run no more
You stop in front of an old trapdoor

Running in, avoiding death
No sounds inside, only your breath
An old bomb-shelter from years past
Had not protected the family from the blast
Huddled in a corner the skeletons lye
Probably never had the chance to say the final goodbye

After loitering around you head back up
No enimies appear on your PipBuck
The light around gives a clear view
Of the camp of traders that had been slew
The attackers left, identity unknown
Heading to the camp you hear one sad moan
#1 - luckythatoneguy (09/05/2012) [-]
I know above you sit and wait
Always waiting for the date
The day of which you will return
To watch this foalish city burn
The royal night guard waits by and by
For you to come tearing through the sky.
-
After many years it is time
To wipe Equestria from its grime
We feel your presence drawing near
All but us should feel fear
For you our princess have come back
To lead us in the great attack
-
The time draws near for the event
But there is something we must not forget
The current ruler must be brought down
So that you may receive the crown
Celestia is to strong right now
But soon it will be her that will bow
-
Inside the castle we have a mare
Her sullen name is Despair
She has been spying for many years
And she knows Celestia's greatest fears
Banished and sent to the moon
Would be Celestia's greatest doom
-
The attack begins, but where does tia lay
But, o so far away
On the moon she does cry
While she watches us on high
Without their ruler they easily fall
Now to Nightmare Moon they do crawl
-
Wrote by me being bored in 5th period. Luna is so awesome so i did this. Hope you enjoy :D.
User avatar #7 to #1 - sinery (11/29/2012) [-]
I have to agree with crowd here that some parts could improve which he mentioned.
Otherwise, when i write my rhymes i do not make an uppercase's for each new row, but when there's a pause, for example:

You dwell there in the dark
searching for a spark
A spark of comfort or so it seems
but i'll have you believe
the embrace you'll get
will not satisfy your needs.
User avatar #2 to #1 - crowdpleazer (09/05/2012) [-]
very nice theres some parts that can be worded a little better

To wipe Equestria from its grime- to cleanse the city of the grime

So that you may receive the crown -the rightful ruler should gain the crown?

Celestia is to strong right now - Celestia is strong as of right now

But soon it will be her that will bow -but soon she will be the one who bows

And she knows Celestia's greatest fears- she knows of Celestia's greatest fears

But, o so far away -But, o so very far away
User avatar #3 to #2 - crowdpleazer (09/05/2012) [-]
While she watches us on high - she sits and watches as we raise high
User avatar #4 to #3 - crowdpleazer (09/05/2012) [-]
not bad at all though i like the darkness of the poem and how loyal you showed her subjects to be not bad at all
#5 to #4 - luckythatoneguy (09/05/2012) [-]
Thankies all criticism is good criticism.
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