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krasnogvardiech

Last status update:
Made a full-retard bomber. "But At Least She Flies".comment
Personal Info
Gender: male
Consoles Owned: PC, PS2, Xbox 360.
Video Games Played: Too fucking many
X-box Gamertag: see profile name, capitalize fir
Interests: numerous
Date Signed Up:8/30/2012
Location:New Zealand
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Content Ranking:#4507
Comment Ranking:#229
Highest Content Rank:#433
Highest Comment Rank:#111
Content Thumbs: 13391 total,  15250 ,  1859
Comment Thumbs: 51332 total,  55329 ,  3997
Content Level Progress: 28.39% (142/500)
Level 210 Content: Comedic Genius → Level 211 Content: Comedic Genius
Comment Level Progress: 63.5% (635/1000)
Level 344 Comments: Sold Soul → Level 345 Comments: Sold Soul
Subscribers:10
Content Views:832813
Times Content Favorited:1676 times
Total Comments Made:14044
FJ Points:16376
Favorite Tags: the (10) | warhammer (9) | of (7) | Not (6) | OC (6) | to (5) | 40k (4) | emperor (4) | for (4) | a (3) | gaming (3) | God (3) | in (3) | it (3) | Life (3) | man (3) | 4Chan (2) | bat (2) | creed (2) | Deviantart (2)
I agree, keeping with logic and common sense is normally a priority. The hills have eyes, y'know?
On the other hand, there is a point where reason is to be thrown to the curb. We have gone past that point and that is why I am here.

items

Total unique items point value: 170 / Total items point value: 790

Comments(2039):

krasnogvardiech has disabled anonymous comments.
[ 2039 comments ]
User avatar #2058 - arena (03/03/2015) [-]
WOW calm down,.
User avatar #2059 to #2058 - krasnogvardiech (03/03/2015) [-]
w0t m8?
User avatar #2060 to #2059 - arena (03/03/2015) [-]
AH HELL NAW
User avatar #2061 to #2060 - krasnogvardiech (03/03/2015) [-]
Wrong person?

Nice text color, by the way.
#2056 - matexius ONLINE (03/02/2015) [-]
Krasno, get over here! You need to check this out...    
This is bigger than that Russian Lake Monster I sent a while ago...    
   
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipe6CMvW0Dg   
 It's 8 minutes long...
Krasno, get over here! You need to check this out...
This is bigger than that Russian Lake Monster I sent a while ago...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipe6CMvW0Dg
It's 8 minutes long...
User avatar #2057 to #2056 - krasnogvardiech (03/03/2015) [-]
Cool. I'm leaving a comment on it.
User avatar #2046 - murrlogic (03/02/2015) [-]
boop
User avatar #2048 to #2047 - murrlogic (03/02/2015) [-]
In 13 minutes it'll be midnight so good morning

cool profile. nice shade of red.
User avatar #2049 to #2048 - krasnogvardiech (03/02/2015) [-]
In thirteen minutes I'll be lifting.

All is well.
User avatar #2050 to #2049 - murrlogic (03/02/2015) [-]
**** did I come at a bad time
User avatar #2051 to #2050 - krasnogvardiech (03/02/2015) [-]
I said in thirteen minutes. Does the internet have a stutter function?

Eleven minutes, now. No time is bad.
User avatar #2052 to #2051 - murrlogic (03/02/2015) [-]
I dunno I was hoping deep enriching thought provoking commentary but nah

Getting swole tho.
User avatar #2053 to #2052 - krasnogvardiech (03/02/2015) [-]
Did you really think feelings weigh greater than weights?

Stupid. Feelings are what you burn to fuel the lifting.

Ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.
User avatar #2054 to #2053 - murrlogic (03/02/2015) [-]
>Men don't have emotions. Women have them...in their ovaries- Stan Smith American Dad
#2055 to #2054 - krasnogvardiech (03/02/2015) [-]
Oh, men have emotions alright. Just conserve and let them fuel your actions.
#2042 - vorasharaptor (03/01/2015) [-]
The Fix

starting off fixing yourself the Kras way.....then using the turtletroll helper
#2044 to #2043 - vorasharaptor (03/01/2015) [-]
did you watch it
User avatar #2045 to #2044 - krasnogvardiech (03/01/2015) [-]
Yes.

What a pussy that guy was.
#2038 - vorasharaptor (03/01/2015) [-]
**vorasharaptor used "*roll 1, 15-99*"**
**vorasharaptor rolls 85**
what year wil Kras' soviet army conquer europe
#2039 to #2038 - vorasharaptor (03/01/2015) [-]
2085 confirmed
User avatar #2040 to #2039 - krasnogvardiech (03/01/2015) [-]
Blood Red and Soviet Steel will conquer the world.
#2041 to #2040 - vorasharaptor (03/01/2015) [-]
World in Conflict - Seattle Invasion Cinematic

'85 attack europe
'89 attack usa
User avatar #2036 to #2035 - krasnogvardiech (02/27/2015) [-]
That's a telling trait of sociopathy, friend.
#2037 to #2036 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
not really
can also be a case of seeing too much and being dead inside

#2021 to #2020 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
ill bring her right to your house

Breaking Up with Overly Attached Girlfriend
#2022 to #2021 - krasnogvardiech (02/27/2015) [-]
**krasnogvardiech used "*roll 1, 1-20*"**
**krasnogvardiech rolls 20**
#2024 to #2022 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
*krasnogvardiech becomes omnipotent....knowing the outcome of everything before it happens*
User avatar #2025 to #2024 - krasnogvardiech (02/27/2015) [-]
That would be Omniscient.
User avatar #2023 to #2022 - krasnogvardiech (02/27/2015) [-]
**krasnogvardiech used "*roll 1, 1-20*"**
**krasnogvardiech rolls 13**

I kick her in the face hard enough to shatter the front of her skull.
#2026 to #2023 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
implying you could beat a russian woman

ive met a few.....get a mouth guard so you dont lose teeth
User avatar #2027 to #2026 - krasnogvardiech (02/27/2015) [-]
**krasnogvardiech used "*roll 4, 1-20*"**
**krasnogvardiech rolls 14**
**krasnogvardiech rolls 08**
**krasnogvardiech rolls 06**
**krasnogvardiech rolls 03**

I go for a four-hit combo.
#2028 to #2027 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
the 14 was a fair hit....then the other three just got weaker each time....aka she counterattacks and you get raped
User avatar #2029 to #2028 - krasnogvardiech (02/27/2015) [-]
That is the opposite of a problem. I get pusi b0ss
#2030 to #2029 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
right......
new zealand style
User avatar #2031 to #2030 - krasnogvardiech (02/27/2015) [-]
Russian women aren't sheep, m8
#2032 to #2031 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
soviet she-bear?
#2034 to #2033 - vorasharaptor (02/27/2015) [-]
USA: big boobs are silicone
Russia: big boobs are natural

checkmate
#2017 - vorasharaptor (02/26/2015) [-]
**vorasharaptor used "*roll cah answer*"**
**vorasharaptor rolls Hello Kitty vibrator.**
if i hunt down Kras' psycho ex and fly her here to new zealand...what will Kras do
#2014 - arena (02/24/2015) [-]
King Fedora.
User avatar #2015 to #2014 - arena (02/24/2015) [-]
This is legit everything he is.
User avatar #2016 to #2015 - krasnogvardiech (02/24/2015) [-]
By the Emperor, how horrifying.

Seriously, I didn't think people came as retarded as you described him. Thought they must've just drawn the bad card in looks.

Exactly why is he still alive, again? Any idea?
#2000 - vorasharaptor (02/20/2015) [-]
**vorasharaptor used "*roll Magic 8-Ball*"****vorasharaptor rolls Signs point to yes**   
should i hook Krassle up with a psycho girl
**vorasharaptor used "*roll Magic 8-Ball*"**
**vorasharaptor rolls Signs point to yes**
should i hook Krassle up with a psycho girl
#2001 to #2000 - krasnogvardiech (02/21/2015) [-]
Who the hell are you?

Depends on her looks, though. And whether or not she takes meds.
#2002 to #2001 - vorasharaptor (02/21/2015) [-]
you forgot me that easily?

well **** you too kras
#2003 to #2002 - krasnogvardiech (02/21/2015) [-]
Fairly certain no pinknames are in my friends list.

This you, Kurze?
#2004 to #2003 - vorasharaptor (02/21/2015) [-]
yes its me you damned commie
#2005 to #2004 - krasnogvardiech (02/21/2015) [-]
Pinknames. Pinknames.

How was I supposed to know, in all fairness? Nothing to indicate but writing style.
#2006 to #2005 - vorasharaptor (02/21/2015) [-]
well who else posted a pic of that crazy girl and said you hook up with her

ill make sure you stick your dick in crazy again
User avatar #2007 to #2006 - krasnogvardiech (02/21/2015) [-]
Point. Still, when you assume you make an ass out of 'u' and 'me'.
#2008 to #2007 - vorasharaptor (02/21/2015) [-]
ill put you to sleep wit ha tranquilizer and feed you viagra so the psycho girls can do you while youre out
User avatar #2012 to #2008 - tranquilizer ONLINE (02/21/2015) [-]
Well if it's kurze I'm not surprised
You mention me a lot
#2013 to #2012 - vorasharaptor (02/21/2015) [-]
what can i do

i cant always kill people...sometimes i need to use you to put people to sleep
User avatar #2009 to #2008 - krasnogvardiech (02/21/2015) [-]
Sounds like something that would happen at a party.

I'm in.
User avatar #2011 to #2010 - krasnogvardiech (02/21/2015) [-]
Everybody gets some.
User avatar #1998 - arena (02/18/2015) [-]
Russian BEAR!
User avatar #1995 - arena (02/18/2015) [-]
48 Divided by 2(9+3)=

Answer that **** /Give you a reward init. The profile picture of the bear made me laugh so.
User avatar #1996 to #1995 - krasnogvardiech (02/18/2015) [-]
Following BEDMAS, that would result in:

48 x (2(9+3))
> 48 x (18+6)
-> 48 x 24
--> 1152

Unless I am mistaken. I haven't done math in a too-bloody-long time.
User avatar #1997 to #1996 - krasnogvardiech (02/18/2015) [-]
... **** .

Divided by.

48 / 2(9+3) = 2.
#1993 - matexius ONLINE (01/18/2015) [-]
Krasno, we may have a problem...   
   
Ivan broke physics... Any ideas?    
I'd tie an anchor to his legs...
Krasno, we may have a problem...

Ivan broke physics... Any ideas?
I'd tie an anchor to his legs...
User avatar #1994 to #1993 - krasnogvardiech (01/22/2015) [-]
Let him swim. He is killing submarine tank for the motherland.
User avatar #1991 - konradkurze (01/17/2015) [-]
**konradkurze used "*roll Magic 8-Ball*"**
**konradkurze rolls Yes**
is Kras a weeaboo
User avatar #1992 to #1991 - krasnogvardiech (01/17/2015) [-]
kawaii sugoi pocky desu ne~
User avatar #1969 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
**konradkurze used "*roll 1, 0-9*"**
**konradkurze rolls 4**
what do i buy for Kras

1-2 a T34
3-4 a T90
5-6 a KV1
7-8 an IS2
9-0 a T13
User avatar #1971 to #1969 - krasnogvardiech (01/16/2015) [-]
Hold me tight and never let go, you wonderful scholar.
User avatar #1972 to #1971 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
no homo tovarisch
User avatar #1973 to #1972 - krasnogvardiech (01/16/2015) [-]
Homo? What's that?
User avatar #1974 to #1973 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
you gay
#1975 to #1974 - krasnogvardiech (01/16/2015) [-]
Gay? What's gay?
User avatar #1976 to #1975 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
you have sex with men
#1977 to #1976 - krasnogvardiech (01/16/2015) [-]
But they have no vaginas. Where are you supposed to put the cock?
User avatar #1978 to #1977 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
men put cock in your russian ass
#1979 to #1978 - krasnogvardiech (01/16/2015) [-]
But poop comes from there.
#1982 to #1981 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
its only gay for the one taking the D

aka you
#1983 to #1982 - krasnogvardiech (01/16/2015) [-]
**krasnogvardiech used "*roll 1, 1-20*"**
**krasnogvardiech rolls 20**

You failed to tell the difference between me and this thing, and instead are *********** it. Roll for damage, no saves.
User avatar #1988 to #1987 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
you talk alot about ghey stuff

makes me wonder did you leave motherland because putin is anti-gay
User avatar #1989 to #1988 - krasnogvardiech (01/16/2015) [-]
I ********** a dude to prove a point once. Does that count?
User avatar #1990 to #1989 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
yes
you gay
#1970 to #1969 - konradkurze (01/16/2015) [-]
ahhh motherland
User avatar #1966 - konradkurze (01/15/2015) [-]
**konradkurze used "*roll 1, 0-9*"**
**konradkurze rolls 5**

what do i buy for Kras

1-2 german beer
3-4 russian vodka
5-6 japanese sake
7-8 the bottled piss americans call beer
9-0 french wine
User avatar #1968 to #1967 - konradkurze (01/15/2015) [-]
FJ decided...you must accept that decision
User avatar #1959 - konradkurze (01/15/2015) [-]
time for evil plan

i shall go onto russian social media sites...spam Kras face and addess...and let psycho girl know where Kras is to find him
#1960 to #1959 - krasnogvardiech (01/15/2015) [-]
That is the exact opposite of a good plan. Do not do that.
#1961 to #1960 - konradkurze (01/15/2015) [-]
come on Kras   
you took the risk of sticking your dick in crazy....you gotta follow it through
come on Kras
you took the risk of sticking your dick in crazy....you gotta follow it through
#1962 to #1961 - krasnogvardiech (01/15/2015) [-]
I stuck dick in crazy, and I am prepared to remove crazy.
User avatar #1963 to #1962 - konradkurze (01/15/2015) [-]
new plan

joshlol wants a russian girl...maybe your ex's aura of psycho cling will break joshlols forever alone forcefield and he will have a girl for once
#1964 to #1963 - krasnogvardiech (01/15/2015) [-]
This can't fail. Do it.
User avatar #1965 to #1964 - konradkurze (01/15/2015) [-]
josh already made it clear he doesnt care is shes dominating....

al in all he'll be a limey married to a ruski, and living in norway
User avatar #1937 - matexius ONLINE (01/10/2015) [-]
Brokranian! You seeing what I think I'm seeing?

www.funnyjunk.com/channel/animemanga/Ultimate+transformation/YaLXLLn/
User avatar #1938 to #1937 - krasnogvardiech (01/10/2015) [-]
A techpriest got creative with a servitor. Big deal.
User avatar #1940 to #1938 - matexius ONLINE (01/10/2015) [-]
Oh, I almost forgot... How've you been lately?
It's been a little while...
User avatar #1941 to #1940 - krasnogvardiech (01/10/2015) [-]
Alright for the most part. Money troubles are the same as always, while I've fallen into the routine of week with money, week with no money.
User avatar #1942 to #1941 - matexius ONLINE (01/10/2015) [-]
Cool. Also I've been meaning to ask, does NZ have the animals that the Aussies have? Like all the venomous **** that makes you want to take a flammenwerfer to the entire island?
User avatar #1943 to #1942 - krasnogvardiech (01/10/2015) [-]
The exact opposite. ******* sheep and birds everywhere, and deer and some other nice crap.

Think of it as the Britain of the southern hemisphere, without bogans instead of chavs and maori instead of blacks/asians, and tourists ******* everywhere.
User avatar #1944 to #1943 - matexius ONLINE (01/10/2015) [-]
Well, that's awesome... I was just asking since, they're not very far apart, but there's a decent chance that it's completely different....

Also, remember this song? www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7hHlh2IusY
User avatar #1945 to #1944 - krasnogvardiech (01/10/2015) [-]
Very well.
User avatar #1946 to #1945 - matexius ONLINE (01/10/2015) [-]
I'm trying to learn the lyrics, already know Katyusha in my sleep, but this one's giving me serious trouble, mainly the fact that the letters I find are...how shall I put this... off like a Storm Troopers aim, for me atleast. I know that the Cousins of Russia have their own letters, but when they're translated, their sounds don't match up with the song...
User avatar #1947 to #1946 - krasnogvardiech (01/10/2015) [-]
This is why you treat each letter and each word as its own isolated thing. Just like a symphony; make sure every note is good, the whole will carry itself.
User avatar #1948 to #1947 - matexius ONLINE (01/10/2015) [-]
I should take learning Russian a bit more seriously... Already speak fluent English and German, since I was like 8, now at 17, learn Russian. Brilliant... Also, my Bela-Russian girl space friend is pretty Q3.14.

Also, does cheeki breeki actually mean anything?
User avatar #1949 to #1948 - krasnogvardiech (01/10/2015) [-]
You speak German. My inadequacy intensifies.
User avatar #1950 to #1949 - matexius ONLINE (01/10/2015) [-]
Too bad I can't stand them... Always having the best ***** , assholes. They've been trying to take our clay ever since the 6. century AD.
I actually learned it uncounsiously, there were no good channels with cartoons, other than the German ones... I have no idea how, but by 7 I spoke it fluently. I guess living 30 minutes from the border with them has that effect...
If you're implying that I'm somehow better than you, because I speak German, dude... come on now...
User avatar #1951 to #1950 - krasnogvardiech (01/10/2015) [-]
Yes you are. I don't imply, I outright state.

That's sort of like how I learned English, too. One day when I was 8 or so I just stopped speaking Russian and started speaking English. Like the flick of a fukken switch.
User avatar #1952 to #1951 - matexius ONLINE (01/10/2015) [-]
Well, German is all well and good, till you get to Switzerland or Austrian Styria. Even if you speak perfect German, you still need subtitles. They just accent everything off... I've got a small part of my relatives in Switzerland, I know what I'm talking about.

I'm guessing that's how long you've been in NZ, too?
User avatar #1953 to #1952 - krasnogvardiech (01/11/2015) [-]
Since '02.
User avatar #1954 to #1953 - matexius ONLINE (01/11/2015) [-]
Damn dude... 12 years.
How do you remember Ukraine?
User avatar #1955 to #1954 - krasnogvardiech (01/12/2015) [-]
It's one-half slums, one-half farms. Really, I'm not missing much.

Except for cool underground/under-building places. That **** was dope.
User avatar #1956 to #1955 - matexius ONLINE (01/12/2015) [-]
Like bunkers and **** ?
User avatar #1957 to #1956 - krasnogvardiech (01/12/2015) [-]
Sort of. There are such things as basements, and street entrances for them. My school was one such place. Miss that **** hardcore.
User avatar #1958 to #1957 - matexius ONLINE (01/12/2015) [-]
Oh, like the ones the 'Muricans have in the movies, the ones with the doors on the outside as well...? Atleast a bit similar. Through which they normally GTFO in horror movies...
Why do you miss them so much?
User avatar #1939 to #1938 - matexius ONLINE (01/10/2015) [-]
What? Oh....nah, well that too...
I meant that chick that so wanted that artilerr-D afterwards... To fire it, I mean...

and yes, I did just make this comment to use that atrocious pun... I'm ashamed of myself
User avatar #1928 - konradkurze (01/08/2015) [-]
**konradkurze used "*roll Magic 8-Ball*"**
**konradkurze rolls Yes**
has Kras ever stuck his dick in crazy and regretted it
User avatar #1929 to #1928 - krasnogvardiech (01/08/2015) [-]
Magic 8-ball is correct.
User avatar #1930 to #1929 - konradkurze (01/08/2015) [-]
**konradkurze used "*roll Magic 8-Ball*"**
**konradkurze rolls Signs point to yes**
is Kras scared to go back to motherland in case crazy bitch finds him
User avatar #1931 to #1930 - krasnogvardiech (01/08/2015) [-]
I will neither confirm or deny.

Your text color is lovely, by the way.
User avatar #1932 to #1931 - konradkurze (01/08/2015) [-]
yeah since so many kids cried over my night lords color i went for blood color
User avatar #1933 to #1932 - krasnogvardiech (01/08/2015) [-]
The **** you do that for? Let 'em cry, their tears can lubricate your power armor.
User avatar #1934 to #1933 - konradkurze (01/08/2015) [-]
**konradkurze used "*roll cah answer*"**
**konradkurze rolls Flash flooding.**
what should i do to Kras
User avatar #1936 to #1934 - konradkurze (01/08/2015) [-]
ahhhhh time for Rasputitsa on Krasnogvardiech
User avatar #1935 to #1934 - krasnogvardiech (01/08/2015) [-]
I've got a rebreather. Bring it, bitch.
User avatar #1927 - konradkurze (01/07/2015) [-]
**konradkurze used "*roll cah answer*"**
**konradkurze rolls Shedding skin like a snake.**
what should Kras do this weekend
[ 2039 comments ]
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