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josephtheneptune

no avatar Level -88 Content: annoying
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Gender: male
Age: 34
Date Signed Up:10/16/2011
Last Login:12/22/2014
Location:Canada
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Content Thumbs: 8 total,  43 ,  35
Comment Thumbs: 87 total,  90 ,  177
Content Level Progress: 20.33% (12/59)
Level 0 Content: Untouched account → Level 1 Content: New Here
Comment Level Progress: 0% (0/1)
Level -188 Comment: hated by most → Level -187 Comment: hated by most
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Content Views:3400
Total Comments Made:122
FJ Points:-77

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funny pictures

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    Comments: 2
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    Uploaded: 10/09/12
    My Skills My Skills
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youtube videos

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    Uploaded: 10/27/11
    Braveheart Braveheart

latest user's comments

#36 - yeah . . . this interpretation was better than mine. Good job OP 06/02/2014 on life advice 0
#14 - lol 05/31/2014 on life advice -1
#13 - Thank you 05/31/2014 on life advice 0
#12 - not sure if you can interpret jokes . . .  [+] (1 new reply) 05/31/2014 on life advice -1
#39 - timelimit (06/20/2014) [-]
Not sure if you can make them.
#4 - And the fumes will rise into the air and choke people to death* 05/31/2014 on life advice -2
#3 - He means: it is better to jizz inside of a girl than it is to …  [+] (8 new replies) 05/31/2014 on life advice -25
User avatar #7 - huffe (05/31/2014) [-]
you should write a book
User avatar #30 - asche (06/01/2014) [-]
*over-interpret
#13 - josephtheneptune (05/31/2014) [-]
Thank you
User avatar #5 - adu (05/31/2014) [-]
You're really fucking bad at interpreting things.
#14 - josephtheneptune (05/31/2014) [-]
lol
#12 - josephtheneptune (05/31/2014) [-]
not sure if you can interpret jokes . . .
#39 - timelimit (06/20/2014) [-]
Not sure if you can make them.
#4 - josephtheneptune (05/31/2014) [-]
And the fumes will rise into the air and choke people to death*
#389 - Come to Canada . . . ? 04/21/2014 on Basically the entire South... 0
#52 - d) Santa's Workshop* 04/08/2014 on All of the above 0
#19 - That's not very fair OP 03/24/2014 on Which one would you choose? 0
#7 - metaphor* 12/16/2013 on Operation: AssCream Maddness +3
[ 122 Total ]
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Total unique items point value: 550 / Total items point value: 600

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#1 - butchersteve (08/17/2013) [-]
So tell me what you think on this rough idea for "How Not to be Bored." If you don't mind giving me your opinion. This is a really rough draft on the idea btw...

Make an emergency kit for yourself. Mine would be a chilled bottle of vodka with a durable shot glass inside a fire extinguisher like case, with a lock on one side. I'd break the glass with the little hammer, retrieve the key from the inside, and then proceed to unlock the door. This would be followed with straight shots of vodka and cleaning my cuts with booze.
#3 to #1 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
Did you ever consider being a comedian instead?
#4 to #3 - butchersteve (08/17/2013) [-]
Yeah auctually that was my first choice but social anxiety made writing easier. I do have alot of comedy writings over the last few years as well, though. I was even considering making this book more like George Carlins "Brain Droppings" I don't now really. I like the book idae abit more cause I can send a good message occasionally and still be funny. LIke my thinking about helping the homeless is just as good as helping the homeless bit. It's the thought that counts cause my lazy ass ain't doin **** .
#6 to #4 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
My first choice wasnt comedian though, my friend said I was naturally funny so I am going try that later. When anxiety doesnt get the best of me
#8 to #6 - butchersteve (08/17/2013) [-]
Well, I'd say just keep a journal of sorts of your jokes for when you beat your anxiety. I hope you can get there man, just as I hope I get there as well.
#10 to #8 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
Hehe, most of my jokes will be in my head. Hence the natural comic. I want to do **** on revolutions, history, philosophy, stuff that actually matters
#5 to #4 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
I have that too, but, when I become a professor of philosophy or history, I will lose all that anxiety and start comedy. Maybe you should become a teacher or something, or be a lecture for a topic you are interested in university ôr college
#7 to #5 - butchersteve (08/17/2013) [-]
That's definately a possibilitey...
I'd have to merit the auctaul going to college part first. Being a teacher would be one hell of a leap from wanting to be a butcher, author, or comedian. What dreams may be really. I'm mor einterested in why you believe that teaching will rid you of your anxiety? The idea that you have to get up and talk to a large group of people everyday would eventaully render the people anxiety moot?
#9 to #7 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
Yeah. You actually have to get up and talk to people. If you dont... You become homeless and back at your parents place. Gives you are false dilemnna of either-or so why not!@ Be a teacher
#11 to #9 - butchersteve (08/17/2013) [-]
Face your fears or die!
Fear Factor to the EXTREME!
Now featuring Joe Rogan on coke, or in other words Joe Rogan!
#12 to #11 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
Try Cocaine kids! Your fear is nothing more than the side affect of not having drugs! Be one with the universe... Before you know it, all the cocaine will be gone! Sniff that white powered goodness that makes you feel like snookies pussy on a Friday evening!

TSSH TSSH.
#14 to #12 - butchersteve (08/17/2013) [-]
Lol. That fear part is auctually true when it comes to harcore upper. Atleast until you ran out and crash for a month.
#15 to #14 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
IM GLAD YOU NOTICED. I wasnt expecting you to understand my jokes. My friends didnt understand one joke I made before:


here it is:

"Take a chicken home and eat it... its ok... take a chicken home and **** it, it's not so good... take a women home and **** it... its fine, go ahead... enjoy the evening with your gal... but eating a women out is not justified... but really what the **** does that mean!?
#16 to #15 - butchersteve (08/17/2013) [-]
I get the premise you're hitting on the idea of being you can't **** a chicken you shouldn't be able to "eat" a women... It just seems to be laid out weirdly. Or I am really ******* tired.
Talking about jokes I got one.
So Martin has a bag with 6 puppies and faye has a bag with -3 puppies. How many puppies do they have?
#21 to #16 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
The logic of the sentence is swapped in order to have a better punch-line. I sacrificed logic for better punchline.
#20 to #16 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
Sorry I didnt understand the joke, are you going to get the audience to say: WHAT?
#22 to #20 - butchersteve (08/17/2013) [-]
See generially the anwser is 3 puppies? With the follow up "No, they have 6 puppies and a revolver with 3 shots. Now let's just hope that Faye is a cold merciless bitch or else no one is learning any math today."
#24 to #22 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
Make it three parts: The question, the reply, the answer
#25 to #24 - butchersteve (08/17/2013) [-]
I like it.
I like it.
#26 to #25 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
Ive noticed some heuristics in making people laugh. All you probably know but here: Surprise, telling them the sad truth which makes them laugh and they laugh out of awkwardness, telling them the awkward truth, making yourself relateable with their problems
#28 to #26 - butchersteve (08/17/2013) [-]
You really like breaking things down.
To be honest if I had to describe why something is funny I'm sure eventually I would have come to those same conclusions I've just never thought of it. If my joke makes me giggle it's good. I have an entire bit on posing pantsless in your apartment in the middle of the night staring intently at a turned off tv,. Made me laugh, highly doubt it's gonna get a ton out of others though.
#32 to #28 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
or: Hairy Richard*
#31 to #28 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
now everyone calls you: hairy dick*
#30 to #28 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
or, you accidently split moutain dew on your penis and your glasses stuck to you hairy balls. As you got up attempting to scratch your balls all you have is your hairy penis with glasses on them, though everyone calls you :hairy dick
#33 to #30 - butchersteve (08/17/2013) [-]
I love it! Better my penis is now refferred to as Hairy and is talked to openly in normal speech. The glasses only come off in the shower and he talks with an air of superiotty.
Overcourse overdone by myself in a double life sort of feel.
#35 to #33 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
Cut the last thing out, that ruined it. But whatever you get the point
#34 to #33 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
You could honestly make a joke that relates to it. You could talk about how another person comes to town and his name is: Hairy Richard in a van. He sells puppies and is there as a volunteer at and old folks home (add something that a Good Samaritan would do). And then the same girl (the love of another persons life - the other Richard) files a complaint that Hairy Richard is waiting in his van to show his Hairy cock with glasses on by louring kids into his van. He is completely stunned and has no way of justifying himself because justifying himself would be weirder than the real thing. So he leaves out of anger. Then the real Hairy Richard comes to the scene and laughs at her for her stupidity, they make out on the street - happy ending.
#36 to #34 - butchersteve (08/17/2013) [-]
Good stuff need sleep though so ttyl man.
#29 to #28 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
******* lol that is such a good topic. I feel like something is needed though. Like add: your shlong was dangling as you stared across the apartment complex at the love of your life (but you never talked to her) therefore her first impression of you is a hairy cock across the view
#27 to #26 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
I dont know if you have anymore
#23 to #22 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
HAHA. You should totally get the audience involved in that one.
#17 to #16 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
Nah the premise is double standards. Eating out a women - meaning - sucking on her pussy is justified. Which makes no sense logically because you can suck a chickens clitoris now can you! Okay let me red your joke
#2 to #1 - josephtheneptune (08/17/2013) [-]
Hehe... Sounds like a comedy routine. I would be a comic book writer if I was you. The title of the book would be misleading.
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