Last status update:
Personal Info
Gender: male
Facebook Profile: Fuck Facebook.
Youtube Channel: No.
Steam Profile: I already have friends!
Consoles Owned: Xbox 360, PS2, N64
Video Games Played: Skyrim, Fallout 3 and New Vegas, Civ 3, World of Tanks, Empire: Total War, Oblivion, Ace Combat, Europa Universalis III, CKII, Mount and Blade
Interests: Yes.
Date Signed Up:9/02/2012
Last Login:9/02/2015
FunnyJunk Career Stats
Comment Ranking:#18092
Highest Content Rank:#8509
Highest Comment Rank:#1183
Content Thumbs: 144 total,  181 ,  37
Comment Thumbs: 7134 total,  7692 ,  558
Content Level Progress: 40% (4/10)
Level 14 Content: New Here → Level 15 Content: New Here
Comment Level Progress: 30% (30/100)
Level 264 Comments: Pure Win → Level 265 Comments: Pure Win
Content Views:12548
Times Content Favorited:20 times
Total Comments Made:2353
FJ Points:6685

Text Posts

latest user's comments

#101 - Picture 09/01/2015 on Black Twitter Compilation #73 0
#90 - Picture 07/28/2015 on Sober +12
#73 - Ah yes, I too have seen the Nightly Show. 07/10/2015 on John Stewart +1
#183 - Yeah, I can't argue with that. Hitting cav with round shot on … 07/02/2015 on Webms rule the world now I... 0
#180 - Which boils down to being good at surprise attacks. Impaling c…  [+] (2 new replies) 07/02/2015 on Webms rule the world now I... 0
User avatar #182 - wotterpatch (07/02/2015) [-]
If impaling cav from the front is beyond satisfying, slicing infantry across the back is orgasmic
User avatar #183 - impaledsandwich (07/02/2015) [-]
Yeah, I can't argue with that. Hitting cav with round shot on purpose is like ascending to Nirvana, though.
#178 - Nah son, bayonet beats cavalry every time.  [+] (4 new replies) 07/02/2015 on Webms rule the world now I... +1
User avatar #179 - wotterpatch (07/02/2015) [-]
Not if you're good cav
User avatar #180 - impaledsandwich (07/02/2015) [-]
Which boils down to being good at surprise attacks. Impaling cav from the front is beyond satisfying.
User avatar #182 - wotterpatch (07/02/2015) [-]
If impaling cav from the front is beyond satisfying, slicing infantry across the back is orgasmic
User avatar #183 - impaledsandwich (07/02/2015) [-]
Yeah, I can't argue with that. Hitting cav with round shot on purpose is like ascending to Nirvana, though.
#165 - Musket stock > bayonet.  [+] (6 new replies) 07/01/2015 on Webms rule the world now I... +1
User avatar #166 - wotterpatch (07/01/2015) [-]
everyone knows sword>anything

cav is where it (was) at mah nigga
User avatar #178 - impaledsandwich (07/02/2015) [-]
Nah son, bayonet beats cavalry every time.
User avatar #179 - wotterpatch (07/02/2015) [-]
Not if you're good cav
User avatar #180 - impaledsandwich (07/02/2015) [-]
Which boils down to being good at surprise attacks. Impaling cav from the front is beyond satisfying.
User avatar #182 - wotterpatch (07/02/2015) [-]
If impaling cav from the front is beyond satisfying, slicing infantry across the back is orgasmic
User avatar #183 - impaledsandwich (07/02/2015) [-]
Yeah, I can't argue with that. Hitting cav with round shot on purpose is like ascending to Nirvana, though.
#82 - I didn't know Saturn liked early Pink Floyd. 06/25/2015 on Weird Planets 0
#64 - Very trying. 06/19/2015 on Equality for all! 0
#72 - **impaledsandwich used "*roll 1, 1-999999*"** **impaledsand…  [+] (1 new reply) 06/18/2015 on Highest roll defeats Admin +3
User avatar #784 - volksunion (06/18/2015) [-]
If anything, this vehicle helped kebab against serbia.

user's channels

Join Subscribe art
Join Subscribe fucking-guns
Join Subscribe katawashoujo
Join Subscribe katawashoujo2


Total unique items point value: 920 / Total items point value: 3910
Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #78 - gugek (11/21/2014) [-]
Have a great day today!
User avatar #79 to #78 - impaledsandwich (11/21/2014) [-]
Thank you, but who are you, masked stranger?
User avatar #80 to #79 - gugek (11/21/2014) [-]
I'm Jordan Anthony Allison! And i like to make people smile.
User avatar #76 - soundofwinter ONLINE (06/23/2014) [-]
**** you
User avatar #77 to #76 - impaledsandwich (06/23/2014) [-]
Well it's about goddamn time.
User avatar #75 - vcabcvc (12/14/2013) [-]
cum on
User avatar #71 - thepumpkinsrock (11/28/2013) [-]
operation flaming dildo in sequence
User avatar #72 to #71 - impaledsandwich (11/28/2013) [-]
Roger that, standing by for commencement of Operation Flaming Dildo. Just a quick request, uhhhh, can you explain what the op, uhhhhhhh, is, over?
User avatar #73 to #72 - thepumpkinsrock (11/28/2013) [-]
There is no time! Commence operation flaming dildo or else the mormons win
User avatar #74 to #73 - impaledsandwich (11/28/2013) [-]
Why didn't you say so before? Come on, we have a rubber dick to ignite for the fate of America!
User avatar #68 - doombunni (11/13/2013) [-]
Won't let me answer your comment, but I don't see why the gummint would want to operate in a place where the chief entertainment is waffle house
User avatar #69 to #68 - impaledsandwich (11/15/2013) [-]
That's just what they want you to think. Have you ever considered that maybe these so-called Waffle Houses are really just Illuminati feminist superbases of euphoria? They obviously run the gubermint.
User avatar #70 to #69 - doombunni (11/15/2013) [-]
No, I refuse to believe it. Waffle House is too awesome to be a tool of some dirty Gubermint conspiracy
User avatar #50 - Kairyuka (06/28/2013) [-]
(Seriously **** the FJ status system)
I have lots of confidence in myself. I'm an awesome guy. I just realize that no one else thinks that, no matter what they say they all go away. So at least I know how to entertain myself.
User avatar #51 to #50 - impaledsandwich (06/28/2013) [-]
"how to entertain myself." The Internet has ruined me.

But back on subject, um... I'm confused again. Still. I don't know. What's happening to you seems to be what's happening to me in a way, but from outside the situation itself seems completely insane. I'm trying to make sense of that, but it's very hard.
User avatar #52 to #51 - Kairyuka (06/28/2013) [-]
Meh. I'll just keep playing my guitar and my single player games and hope that someone will return of their own free will.
User avatar #53 to #52 - impaledsandwich (06/28/2013) [-]
Rock your heart out, man.
User avatar #54 to #53 - Kairyuka (06/28/2013) [-]
I always do. Many have asked me how I manage to rock out the way I do when I play or listen to music. Well, it's simple to rock out when the music brings out your true form. When I'm in or around music, I become completely and utterly alone, and I realize this. I end up in this world of strange and numb bliss where I'm alone, but I don't care. Not until it's over again.
User avatar #55 to #54 - impaledsandwich (06/28/2013) [-]
Are there any recordings of you playing?

Also, it's really unfortunate you dislike Pink Floyd, for more than just the obvious reasons. There are some songs that fit perfectly.
User avatar #56 to #55 - Kairyuka (06/28/2013) [-]
But I don't get that feeling from Pink Floyd, it's simply too boring for me. And I have some recordings, but nothing that's good.
User avatar #57 to #56 - impaledsandwich (06/28/2013) [-]

Oh ***** , the things I could throw at you... all the obscure little recordings, all the albums... You don't even know half of it, I promise.

Any recording will do, though.
User avatar #58 to #57 - Kairyuka (06/28/2013) [-]
Just check my Soundcloud, there are solo recordings and a couple from the band as well: You need to login to view this link
User avatar #59 to #58 - impaledsandwich (06/28/2013) [-]
I will have to listen to it in a few minutes. Any Colour You Like is still on.

Let me try to un-bore you. One ******* badass song is One of These Days, though the only good version on Youtube isn't quite the best. Or if you're into lighter rock, the rest of the album Meddle is good, except for Echoes, which is god-tier and 24 minutes long.

Or there's The Dark Side of the Moon, on which Money is arguably the most energetic song. However, Time is legendary and Us and Them, while rather slow, is beautiful. Brain Damage (immediately followed by Eclipse) gives you this indescribable feeling of hope, loneliness, and all kinds of extremes.

Animals is an album you have to listen to in one sitting. It's really just three long songs, but god damn they're cool. Lots of ingenious and innovative rock, as well as outright sexy guitar solos.

Also there's The Wall.
User avatar #60 to #59 - Kairyuka (06/28/2013) [-]
And I don't really like the way Pink Floyd sounds. I've got lots of other bands I like, I'll listen to them.
User avatar #61 to #60 - impaledsandwich (06/28/2013) [-]
Hey, I listened to your thing!
User avatar #62 to #61 - Kairyuka (06/28/2013) [-]
Which one?
User avatar #63 to #62 - impaledsandwich (06/28/2013) [-]
The Soundcloud recording. It was good, though your voice could use some improvement. You can get it, though. I liked your playing.
User avatar #64 to #63 - Kairyuka (06/28/2013) [-]
I know my singing sucks. You can listen to some of the other things in my Soundcloud
User avatar #65 to #64 - impaledsandwich (06/28/2013) [-]
There were others? I have never been on that site, so I have no training in it. I will do that, though.
User avatar #66 to #65 - Kairyuka (06/28/2013) [-]
If my voice hurts your ears too bad, I have like two instrumental things I did to test out the effects in my new pedal.
User avatar #67 to #66 - impaledsandwich (06/28/2013) [-]
I would be interested in all of them. However, I'm checking out Tool's cover of No Quarter by Led Zeppelin at the moment, and so far I don't hate it. It's not as good as the original, but it's good.
User avatar #46 - isoscelessandwich ONLINE (06/09/2013) [-]
We shall combine, and our offspring will be deadly polygonal sandwiches the likes of which the world has never seen.
#47 to #46 - isoscelessandwich ONLINE (06/09/2013) [-]
Also, an avatar for you.

It's impaled on a toothpick.
User avatar #48 to #47 - impaledsandwich (06/09/2013) [-]
That's it. I do love you.
#34 - dcmp (04/07/2013) [-]
This what I imagine Emily's face is when Markus mentions Brooke
This what I imagine Emily's face is when Markus mentions Brooke
User avatar #35 to #34 - impaledsandwich (04/07/2013) [-]
More like an "Oh dammit, her?" face. Not so much anger as tired frustration.
User avatar #36 to #35 - dcmp (04/07/2013) [-]
We need to set up some collaboration time, we are hardly on at the same time
User avatar #37 to #36 - impaledsandwich (04/07/2013) [-]
You're right, and I apologize for that. I expect to be a bit more free this week, though. That's the hope.
User avatar #38 to #37 - dcmp (04/07/2013) [-]
Don't apologize, I understand people are busy. I've been chugging away at the flowchart, and finished the pathway probabilities. At least for now, we are at 2456 possible combinations, 28% of those lead to your death. Day 9 outline is finished, and Sorrow has made some changes to valeria. That's about all the news I have for you. I'm free most of the time because college is easy, but I usually have to work nights.
User avatar #39 to #38 - impaledsandwich (04/07/2013) [-]
That's great to hear. I'm trying to find ways of being useful, but I'm having less luck than I'd like. I'm trying to shape Emily's path, though. It's going to be hard.
User avatar #40 to #39 - dcmp (04/07/2013) [-]
I think we need to focus on getting act 1 finished, still have like 5 days left to write. Everybody on BA is a little burnt out and progress is pretty slow. So I'm taking the opportunity to try and get act 1 finished so we can set the writers loose. It's hard for me to write for Jess when the flowchart is unfinished, it nags at me. Im obsessive, once I start something I have to finish it.
User avatar #41 to #40 - impaledsandwich (04/07/2013) [-]
That's quite admirable. You said you needed my input on some things. What are they?
User avatar #42 to #41 - dcmp (04/08/2013) [-]
I need your input on Emily. I need more of her filled in, and I also need to talk to Minator and Sorrow so they can fill in Cat and Valeria respectively. I need more information on the Brooke/Emily rivalry. Are we going with childhood friends turned enemies? That would be best with the current time line. Also, I edited Brooke's endings so that now she has a terrible ending, the one where she dies. The thing is I would like for markus to betray her in the worst possible way, i.e. cheating, for that ending to happen. My question about that is, who should it be? Could it be Emily? Or could it be someone else?
User avatar #43 to #42 - impaledsandwich (04/08/2013) [-]
Alright, here's what I've come up with:

Emily and Brooke knew each other quite well when they were kids. They grew up in the same small town and went to the same schools, though Brooke was a couple years older. In high school, Brooke began really retreating from everyone, including Emily. They had an argument, and spoke no more than a sentence at a time after that. Brooke went to this college in the middle of nowhere specifically to avoid Emily. However, Emily never got word of that, and did the same thing for a similar reason.

Brooke at the very least acts like she thinks Emily is a little brat. It's up to you if she actually thinks that. Emily would sooner not talk or think about Brooke, and doesn't really like her. She isn't mean, but would much rather be doing something else. She also remembers how well they got along, and is still regretful about how that was destroyed.

Brooke knows that Emily has hallucinations, but not that they're much worse now.

Emily, on some level, is tired and a little angry at the world, and could be talked into snapping by the player. In Brooke's terrible ending, the player could get a bit drunk and manage to literally drive Emily a bit mad. Maybe she's had something terrible happen recently, and is already stressed. I don't know. She'd become a different person, but not so different that it isn't surreal and creepy. She'd agree to sleep with Markus with the purpose of getting back at Brooke for whatever. Brooke would find out and that part of the ending would happen, but as a side note, Emily would begin to lose her grip on reality. Markus would have destroyed two people and have to live with the guilt.
User avatar #44 to #43 - dcmp (04/08/2013) [-]
I will think this over, I like it, but I have some things I need to talk to you about it. But I can't right now, I have to go to work. I will talk to you later
User avatar #45 to #44 - impaledsandwich (04/08/2013) [-]
Alright then. Have fun, make friends.
User avatar #23 - Kairyuka (03/07/2013) [-]
Replying here because Funnyjunk's status system is broken:
That's right, it reminds me that I ain't dead. Yet. But I'll keep feeling like this forever. There is no resolution, no reward for my feelings. It's only pain and the occasional scaring a friend away.
User avatar #24 to #23 - impaledsandwich (03/07/2013) [-]
Prove it. You're not even 20 yet. How could you know what the rest of your life will be like?

Try one thing for me. Whenever you can for a while, find some music you really enjoy, turn up the volume, and rock yourself calm. I don't think it will make you feel good, but it will at least make you feel less. I know I just said that feeling is good, but there's also such a thing as being overwhelmed.

I recommend Animals by Pink Floyd, but you can do whatever the hell you like.
User avatar #25 to #24 - Kairyuka (03/07/2013) [-]
I've calmed down now. I just need to blind myself from the past and present, and only focus on the future. Ignore every routine and only think about the differences. I'm trying to start some parkour training, and our band is going to play live soon :D
User avatar #26 to #25 - impaledsandwich (03/07/2013) [-]
I don't think that's the best solution. Then again, my thing isn't a solution at all, so at least you're doing something.

On the bright side, you'll probably kick ass with the band. What do you guys play?
User avatar #27 to #26 - Kairyuka (03/08/2013) [-]
Hard rock. We're also working hard to have some recordings ready for the 18th, so we can apply for a live gig in April.
User avatar #28 to #27 - impaledsandwich (03/08/2013) [-]
Awesome, dude. I'll definitely want to hear You need to login to view this link it mostly original stuff, or do you do covers?
User avatar #29 to #28 - Kairyuka (03/08/2013) [-]
Original stuff. I think we'll make a soundcloud for it.
User avatar #22 - impaledsandwich (01/04/2013) [-]
In continuation of the previous conversation:

It's like that because the old Imperial Government needed as many warm bodies as it could get to throw at the enemy. There are stories of well-developed tweens being pressed into service. If you can hold a rifle and run at the enemy when you're told, you were probably in the Army. It hasn't changed since then because it's now a part of the culture.
User avatar #1 - sheepyhead (01/04/2013) [-]
Hey bro
User avatar #2 to #1 - impaledsandwich (01/04/2013) [-]
Greetings, comrade!
User avatar #3 to #2 - sheepyhead (01/04/2013) [-]
So how're you doing? c:
User avatar #4 to #3 - impaledsandwich (01/04/2013) [-]
Better, thanks. Yourself?
User avatar #5 to #4 - sheepyhead (01/04/2013) [-]
Could be better. I'm banned.
User avatar #6 to #5 - impaledsandwich (01/04/2013) [-]
Congratulations. What did you do?
User avatar #7 to #6 - sheepyhead (01/04/2013) [-]
I'm not even sure. It says I posted **** in the SFW section, but I don't recall doing that. And then I just got banned for ten days without any ******* warnings or links whatsoever. I swear to god, magical fairy princess is just getting worse
User avatar #8 to #7 - impaledsandwich (01/04/2013) [-]
I never knew that was even possible. How could our Dear and Sparkly Leader possibly get any worse?

Oh, I ran into Hanako on your status. I almost had a fun, insane conversation, but I'm still waiting on a reply. I'm also wondering whether or not to go full-throttle RP mode, because I've really been holding back. Of course, for my character to work I have to drag in aliens, an alternate universe, and ******** of tanks.
User avatar #9 to #8 - sheepyhead (01/04/2013) [-]
Of course!
Roleplaying can be fun, I like joining in on Katawa Shoujo roleplaying on Facebook.
User avatar #10 to #9 - impaledsandwich (01/04/2013) [-]
Then it's decided! Aliens, time travel, and genocide, all to justify a character!

I should really think of some Earth-compatible characters.
User avatar #11 to #10 - sheepyhead (01/04/2013) [-]
Possibly. It's kinda weird when used in Katawa Shoujo context
User avatar #12 to #11 - impaledsandwich (01/04/2013) [-]
I mean, those things are just the backstory. In normal conversation they almost certainly wouldn't come up, but to explain why he's/I'm here would require such a twisting of the world that... that... that I'd run out of metaphors. At least he's/I'm human, though, if a bit shell-shocked and lacerated. **** it, if you're interested I could give you a backstory to my backstory, but it would take a little while.
User avatar #13 to #12 - sheepyhead (01/04/2013) [-]
Haha, I'm not sure I'd understand it though c:
User avatar #14 to #13 - impaledsandwich (01/04/2013) [-]
I think I could do it. The first part is a factual account of the end of eighth grade, and the rest is a glossing-over of three billion fictional years. One or two posts, I think. Your decision, though.
User avatar #15 to #14 - sheepyhead (01/04/2013) [-]
Woot, sounds really interesting :o
User avatar #16 to #15 - impaledsandwich (01/04/2013) [-]
You didn't say no. If it worked with Hanako...

So a few years ago my friend showed me a game/site called NationStates. You create a nation, do a survey to determine you beginning government type, and deal with national issues. The rest is all forums. Some of them are RPs, others are factbooks that describe the nation in ridiculous detail, and some are completely out-of-character nuthouses. Fun times. I then stuck to a group of a couple nations whose players were very good RPers, and over time I've developed my history and skills.

About 3 billion years ago on a gas giant called Garzah in some other galaxy, the first civilization developed. That's the Government-approved story, anyway, and so is the rest of this account. The natives called themselves Gelzeh, and were, in short, hydrogen-filled, six-tentacled predatory floating octopi. They finally got their **** together and united after only one war. Nevermind the fact that that war wiped out about half of the planet's population. Over the next few billion years, they got into space, explored, met aliens, and exterminated the ones they didn't like, conquering the rest. About 1.6 billion years ago, they controlled nearly all of the universe, and once their society-completely built on war-was at peace, it began to crumble immediately, and after only a few million years (think of the distance), the Garzian Empire was reduced to an arm of their galaxy. Some religious stuff happened, and then some wars to try to retake lost space, but they were still stuck in that one galaxy. About 2000 years ago, yet another war broke out, but it was so intense and hellish that not only was Garzah burned and hidden from the universe, but the galaxy itself was in tatters, with stars being used as enormous bombs. The Gelzeh, however, escaped, and used the very-risky time drive to get the hell out of there.

They ended up on a planet that we have yet to name, and apparently 2000 years in the future. The planet was in its medieval period, and the Gelzeh quickly crushed an island in the middle of an ocean. Once the human population was subdued, no one went in or out of there for over a millennium.

In the planet's 20th century, the new Garzian Empire finally interacted with the world, got involved with wars, etc., and got a reputation as uncivilized barbarians who are always eager to commit a war crime. In 1945, a human revolution broke out after more than a thousand years of oppression, and after only a few months the Gelzeh were driven off the planet and into space, and that's where I left them for now. The humans left there, meanwhile, had a lot of rebuilding to do, because the violence of a world war was concentrated into a few months and one small country. And then there were some wars again.

So that's basically the abridged version, and if you have any specific questions, feel free to ask. What do you think?
User avatar #17 to #16 - sheepyhead (01/04/2013) [-]
Woah man, that's interesting. It's not really my style of fiction, but it's a good story c;
User avatar #18 to #17 - impaledsandwich (01/04/2013) [-]
Well thanks, and that's what I have to figure out what to do with here. If I get a reply, it'll get easier, but it's going to be hard. How do I justify a person from another planet talking to a girl from realistic Japan?
User avatar #19 to #18 - sheepyhead (01/04/2013) [-]
User avatar #20 to #19 - impaledsandwich (01/04/2013) [-]
Yes. So much yes.

At some point the Government commissions a team of scientists to create something better than hyperdrive, and ends up with interuniversal communication. I even have a lab to do it in, thanks to one of my favorite RPs. Anyway, it eventually gets to the public, and a young former soldier, 17-year-old Varan Niers, starts messing around with it. Oh, I forgot to mention that people 16 and over are effectively considered adults. War, cigarettes, porn, and everything.
User avatar #21 to #20 - sheepyhead (01/04/2013) [-]
Oho. Seems a bit low, I don't even think 18 is adult age. 21 maybe. But it's your roleplaying world c:
 Friends (0)