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Rank #17042 on CommentsLevel 143 Comments: Faptastic
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latest user's comments
|#44 - My uncle was a firefighter and the worst thing he's ever seen … [+] (6 new replies)||04/06/2015 on Feels||+12|
#84 - soyfriedbryce (04/06/2015) [-]
Jesus man... that brings me back. I used to be a firefighter years ago. I don't really talk about it much anymore. I'm working on being a lit teacher now, but years ago I was a firefighter. It was a great job, I loved it. It was like hanging with friends, but every once in a while you get to be a hero and all the kids look up to you. Run into a building, pull some people out... I felt like a super hero. Yeah, there was some injury and danger, but that only made it better for me. And sometimes it was boring, paperwork, cleaning the station, things like that. But overall, I was never closer with anyone than my brothers and sisters at the station. I loved it. But one day, it just all hit me. People died in fires. I never really thought about it before this one fire, a whole apartment building just ablaze. We run in to try to save everyone, but we can't. This was the first time I ever had to deal with that. There were too many people left inside because the building wasn't up to regulation, no fire escape, and it started on the ground floor. We got as many as we could out, and kept going in. I thought we were doing great... But there was this one guy. I can't even remember his face, just the look on it. It sound crazy, but his face is just a blur... but I remember his eyes, and his voice, I shouldn't have even been able to hear it, the damn fire was so loud, but I did. He was stuck under his bed, he got under it to be safe and his bookcase fell onto it. He was burning alive under there, and he reached out to try to have me pull him out. I grabbed him and started pulling and the skin on his hand just slid off like a fucking glove... He was in so much pain and so afraid, but he was already gone, there wasn't any way we could get him out from under there, and there were other people. I had to leave him, direct orders, but I couldn't. By the time I could bring myself to stop staring he was already dead. One of the other guys pulled me out of there, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I never went into another fire, and I quit my job a few weeks later. I wasn't moving, I wasn't thinking, I was just.. I dont even know. I don't know what to call that emotion. It was like shame, anger, fear, sadness... everything bad all rolled into one thing. I remember all of it, the smell, the sounds... everything but his face. To this day, I can't even get near a roaring fire... I was a good firefighter, but I wasn't cut out for it. Its all fun and games until you see your first person die. Its really easy to be a hero, or to be glorified. Its really easy to put your own life on the line. But then you see someone die, and you realize, other peoples lives depend on you. Its your fault. I know there wasn't anything I could do, he was already pinned, but I keep tricking myself into thinking if I was just a little faster, then maybe I could have done something. Just... jesus christ. I don't know, I don't even know why I'm writing all of this. I don't talk about it. I almost never talk about it. The only people I've really mentioned it to much is my fiance and my head doctor. I have nothing but respect for the people who can keep those jobs. Who can do more than be a hero. The people who can handle the ones they can't save. People dont realize that the fire isn't the hard part, its the people in it. The knowledge that you're the reason someone is dead. Nothing prepares you for that...
#90 - justforthisvideo (04/06/2015) [-]
What the fuck. Thats one of the most horrifying things I've ever read. You can't blame yourself for that. What could you do. You did what you could, you got the people you could. I dont think many people CAN handle that kind of pressure. Its one thing be afraid of responsibility, its another to beat yourself up everyday because you couldnt save someones life. Think of the people you did help instead. Look at yourself like that hero the little kids thought of. I dont know you, but you dont sound like a coward. You sound like someone who cares so much about other people, that one persons death nearly destroyed you.
#88 - soyfriedbryce (04/06/2015) [-]
Most of my friends just think I quit because I got bored. Hell, I never even told my best friend I quit, he got it from my dad on a trip to Delaware or something. Im just ashamed. I dont even know what of. It was't my fault, I know that. But I feel like it was, or maybe I'm ashamed of quitting over something like that. But I can't handle pressure. I'm fun at parties, I'm a nice guy. But when people rely on me, I fall apart. I make up bullshit excuses to buy myself time, I do anything I can to get out of being responsible for pretty much everything but my fiance. I'd do anything for her, but everything else in life... I just try to be the good guy. I can't handle being the bad guy, and I think thats what I'm so ashamed of. I can't handle having flaws, knowing that someone looks and me and thinks something negative. After that day, I couldn't keep doing it because I couldn't get his eyes out of my head. He wanted me to save him, and I couldn't. And no matter what I do, that wont change. So I just keep it a secret everywhere I go. My best friend thinks I'm just a liar and a quitter because I never told him I quit, hell, I kept saying I had the job just because I felt so damn ashamed. I really need to go to sleep, I talk to much when I'm tired. I'm sorry mate, I don't know whats coming over me, it just feels like I need to get this all out somewhere, and I'm not willing for it to be anywhere people might recognize me, so FJ it is. I realize im a coward, not of danger or anything like that, I'd risk myself for people anyday. I'm afraid of disappointing people, I'm afraid of not being good enough. And I'll never get over the fact that I let a man die. Someone with a wife, and kids died while I watched and couldn't do a damn thing. Anyway, I'm off. Sorry mate.
#91 - justforthisvideo (04/06/2015) [-]
alright. you shouldnt have lied to your best friend, but I think you get a pass for the situation. have you ever tried telling him? if hes your best friend im sure hed understand. and for gods sake you are good enough. yeah some people dont like you, but thats true for everyone. you have friends and family right? They like you. You did what you could to help people, you cant do much more than that.
#92 - soyfriedbryce (04/06/2015) [-]
Thanks, but he wouldn't listen. He doesnt trust me. I've told more than my fare share of tall tales to him. I always let him down. I always expect more of myself, I expect I'll be able to do something I promised to him, and I always do get it done, but its always too late. I can never actually do what he needs within the time that I say I can, and I make up bullshit to buy myself more time instead of man up and tell him, and that puts him in a bad spot. I've done it so much that if I told him all this, I dont think hed even listen. So I'm just not going to try, id rather just keep things as they are. We're buddies, we play games together, I'm helping him build his first computer. Things like that. But if I tell him the truth, he'll just think I'm even more of a liar. Hes a good guy, and I trust him with my life, and he can trust me with his, but I have to prove that to him through time and effort. Maybe eventually I'll be able to tell him all this stuff, but not for a long time. For now, it'll stay on the anonymity of the internet and my therapist. My own father doesn't even know about all this. I really do appreciate you saying everything there though. Its nice to hear I guess. Its funny, I can brag about all kinds of things, make myself the victim in every situation, but when it comes to anything real. I can't tell people. When it comes down to the real meat of it all, I just keep it all locked away. I'd rather let people think of me as a thousand god awful things than let them know this one story, and I dont even understand why.
|#1757 - Hope this helps even more.||02/25/2015 on Post your BEST picture||+2|
|#1750 - Sure why not.||02/25/2015 on Post your BEST picture||+2|
|#2836 - Because I literally belong in the kitchen.||02/25/2015 on Why did you pick that...||+1|
|#1734 - This picture is why I'm awesome. [+] (4 new replies)||02/25/2015 on Post your BEST picture||+7|
|#333 - Please? :3||02/19/2015 on Let us draw you !(description)||0|
|#145 - I cringed at first, and then I watched this and laughed until I cried.||12/02/2014 on Guess who'll be sleeping on...||-1|
|#153 - Comment deleted||08/18/2014 on Look at all that funny||0|
|#2465 - Comment deleted||08/15/2014 on Win a $50 visa card||0|
|#1292 - **ibelonginthekitchn rolls 2,999,155**||08/04/2014 on Roll for Green Text||0|