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captainspankmonkey

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#787 - Episode II: The "Did he not see the reviews of Ep I?"…  [+] (5 new replies) 07/18/2016 on funkydiscomaggot's profile 0
#788 - captainspankmonkey (07/18/2016) [-]
Episode III got a lot of positive feedback before it came out with people talking about how "IT'S THE BEST ONE IN THE PREQUEL TRILOGY" "THIS ONE WON'T MAKE YOU SUCK YOUR WIENER OUT OF YOUR ASS" "IT'S EDGY BUT GOOD EDGY". I mean, when I was a lad and I saw it I liked it out of all the prequels, but dat was because I was an edgy cunt who drew art of almost-edgy shit. Looking back, I don't think it's good but not horrible, just really disappointing. I can't think of anything bad to say than what you have already said so I'll bitch and rant about two characters: Anakin and da Emprah. The scenes with these two were actually neat. Sidious have I mentioned that name is stupid? I get it's supposed to be intentionally evil but GODDAMN is it obvious he's a sneaky scheming cunt. didn't straight up talk about how "BEING EVIL IS COOL" in an obvious manner, he played it off like the option of the dark side was a legit decision that could have a positive impact on Anakin's life. We know from Episode II that he had his doubts so Sidious is using those mentioned doubts to make them into legitimate reasons to join his side. Hell, if the Prequels wanted to it could have decided to make every villain in that film show non-evil actions (or maybe just from Anakin's perspective) so it would be ambiguous as to whether the "good guys" are actually hero's or not. Or at least it could have done something like make Sidious say all these positive things to Anakin and he tries killing Jedi only and corrupt politicians while Sidious orders his men to kill kids, civilians, and do other dastardly deeds. Anakin would question it for a moment and Sidious, being the sly cunt, would manipulate him into thinking it was for the best. Would make Anakin, and later Darth Vader, turn out to be just a person who thinks all of his evil actions are in the name of good. I know that's what Episode III tried to pull off but I feel like he should have killed more people of authority instead of just willy-nilly kill kids and apprentices and shit left and right. Save that for the henchman, mooks, and grunts. inb4 wot about later in Ep 4 with Alderaan? Tarkin gave the order to destroy it, not Vader. He just stood there and watched and was like "I'm pretty sure dos were all bad guys there, yep. The rebels are trying to make me THINK it was full of normal people. Yea, i'm a guud gui . One could either see this approach as either Anakin/Vader are misguided heroes in their own story or complete morons, but any who watches the Prequels already lean towards complete moron, for the most part.
The last part with Anakin being all "DARKSIDE IS GUD, NUFFIN BAD ABOOT EM" while talking to his pregnant waifu then later choking her just felt lame. I have no idea how that scene could be improved in a legit way to be honest, mainly because I never put as much thought into that scene as I did the previous ones. The fight was kind of neat, I guess.
Overall, I was disappointed at the portrayal of Anakin's transformation and transition to Vader. It could have been reworked in a way that would have given him, again, a larger character.
A lot, and a lot, of things that I've bitched about probably were explained in the EU but like we've said multiple times, this is film only. None of them felt satisfying or had that original charm and story telling like the originals to me. Also a lot of what I've ranted sounds like less like ranting and more of "I wish I wrote the Prequels" and looking back, it kind of does to me. But then again, I haven't done this much writefaggotry in a long time and I enjoyed dis.
That and I could have been masturbating, you fucking CIS faggot.
#789 - funkydiscomaggot (07/18/2016) [-]
>your opinion. There's nothing about your opinion that I don't love.

All good opinions, some of which I wish I wrote in mine that I didn't think of at the time. We can agree that the prequels aren't bad only that they are simply okay. I'm not sure how exactly Lucas totally dropped everything and this was what everyone got, but it probably had to do with not taking so much advice from others or something. When I detailed on my shitty opinion, I was thinking about keeping the idea of the prequels there but with some minor touches. So here are some extra thoughts.
Episode I
Now you're completely right, that Episode I should've been more about the adventure of Qui-gon and Obi-wan, as politics weren't intense in that film. And yes, Anakin's mom was a slave, that's why he's a slave. Even when Episode I went on about economic and political shit, the movie didn't show it for it to actually have mattered, so it shouldn't totally be in there. I feel the reason why Maul was such a good villain was that he was a stereotypical bad guy. He is red, wears black, has horns, red lightsaber, etc. He doesn't say anything except for "AT LAST WE WILL HAVE REVENGE"
Episode II
Now this is when the state of the Republic should be slowly showed to us. Since you pointed out some really neat things already, I'll talk about the Clone War itself. The CIS was totally ruled out as the bad guys, which I can't get behind. The CIS should've had really good reasons to have gone to war, which they did but was never stated. They fight for; free trade, independence, end corruption, and right to monopolies or some shit. To some people, this is good stuff. While clone troopers are super disposable, the Battle of Geonosis is eye-candy with lasers and explosions. This is bad in my opinion, it should've had clone troopers screaming out in pain due to losing limbs and battle droids with their small independent thought, have doubts of the battle.
Episode III
So again, the war isn't as violent as it should be, considering that in Episode VI someone straight-up flew into a command bridge. I think we already covered everything that could be said about Episode III, so thinking about more things is going to be a pain. I remember in a scene with Anakin and Padme in a neat penthouse on Coruscant, Padme wonders if she is on the right side of the war, since the CIS is fighting to end corruption which is never said, I only know through EU , and that's one of her goals as a senator which is stated in the Animated Series . This scene was abruptly ended by Anakin saying "YOU'RE STARTING TO SOUND LIKE A SEPARATIST." I could never truly enjoy the fight between Anakin and Obi-wan on Mustafar, as they literally do all these weird flips and coordinated moves, which could be excused with that they have the force and know where their enemy is going to strike and have hyper-senses. The fight is more "OOO HOLLYWOOD ACTION" than it is super-mario-emotional-bros fighting each other.
If I was to write the prequels, I don't feel like it would do any better at all, but be around the same quality of what they are right now.
#790 - captainspankmonkey (07/18/2016) [-]
>ye, same opinions.

At this point, I'm out of ideas to talk about since we practically covered all the major points. And don't think we are that nip-picky to go into shit like "WHY THE DIALOGUE ABOUT SAND COULD HAVE BEEN MORE MEANINGFUL".

Star Wars The Phantom Menace Review Part 1 of 7 Also I just remembered this review series existed, which is pretty much discussing the same shit. (hell in the Episode 2 ones, he mentioned the Clones being unrelatable and all that.)
#791 - funkydiscomaggot (07/18/2016) [-]
How the fuck did we not go over Jar Jar.
My best excuse is that he was not that memorable of a character enough.
#792 - captainspankmonkey (07/18/2016) [-]
Jar Jar is a walking product aimed at people who don't know better.
That or George was smoking too much crack in the hood.
#786 - Now for my two pennies. Also I agree on a lot of the poin…  [+] (6 new replies) 07/18/2016 on funkydiscomaggot's profile 0
#787 - captainspankmonkey (07/18/2016) [-]
Episode II: The "Did he not see the reviews of Ep I?" Wars.
I will agree that it's better than Episode I; it was boring and slow and everything was dry in delivery, acting and story. Episode II should have been the one that went into more of the political intrigue of the two sides while also keeping a character/adventure focus. People have eased into the beginning of the prequel's journeys, so now we can hit the audience we the heavy stuff, right? NOPE.jpg. Instead, we get a focus on romance and the worst soon-to-be villain, Anakin. Anakin in the first film didn't bother me to honest, acting wise. Episode II could have been about how he has grown from a tech-kid finding out about the force to be some sorta Jedi-Engineer and quick learner apprentice like Obi-wan. Hell, it would have made them be also bro-esc in a way since they were both fairly young and they both have experiences in being adaptable Jedi. But what makes Anakin fail in this film is his fucking emotions. He could have just been an outsider who saw the goods and bads on both sides, but being on the Jedi side would have made him see them as perhaps hypocritical or they would morally-clash with his views. He would be conflicted but still optimistic in that he chose the right path. Instead, we get angsty anny and the stupid romance. Speaking of the romance, they could have just made both Anakin and Padme start off as "serious business friends" to "ey ur cool, wanna get close to each other and shieet?" over the course of the film without all the cheesy BS. Instead they put in a force romance with the MEME DIALOGUE. Also Anakin being an angsty whiny lil bitch that made Padme seem like the man of the relationship. It's okay to be emotional, don't get me wrong, but it came off so damn corny that it's on level with all the other edgy fictional characters made in other media.
Now to the whole battle thing: If they wanted to go with "WAR, WOT IS IT GOOD FOR? ABSOLUTELY PROFIT NOTHING", they shouldn't have included the clone aspect in or at least made them more relatable. As far as we and the general audience knows, the Clones are nothing more but Spartan-raised sociopaths who's entire lives revolve around their orders given to them by their superiors. Unless the film hinted at them having the capability to have emotion or even show how they think outside of the battlefield, it could have given a bigger picture at the armies itself and would have given them the humanity needed to show how war was bad. Again, for me, it came down just to character in that regard. I know the animated series, novels, and all that go into more detail but the films are what most people watch so they have no fucking idea how that shit works. The only other way around it would be if they were civilian conscripted soldiers. Of course, that would mean that the uniforms and everything about them would change because the Galactic Federation is a multi-cultural government and military system. Unless the troopers were just part of a specific planet or several selected human/human-esc planets like how all the green or grey foot soldiers of the Imperial Guard that people outside of 40K are aware of came from a few select planets. then no need for change. For all the politics and intrigue the prequels try to add in, they don't do it too well in specific details.
Now let me give you my poorly worded thoughts on Episode 3. Revenge of the WHY.
#788 - captainspankmonkey (07/18/2016) [-]
Episode III got a lot of positive feedback before it came out with people talking about how "IT'S THE BEST ONE IN THE PREQUEL TRILOGY" "THIS ONE WON'T MAKE YOU SUCK YOUR WIENER OUT OF YOUR ASS" "IT'S EDGY BUT GOOD EDGY". I mean, when I was a lad and I saw it I liked it out of all the prequels, but dat was because I was an edgy cunt who drew art of almost-edgy shit. Looking back, I don't think it's good but not horrible, just really disappointing. I can't think of anything bad to say than what you have already said so I'll bitch and rant about two characters: Anakin and da Emprah. The scenes with these two were actually neat. Sidious have I mentioned that name is stupid? I get it's supposed to be intentionally evil but GODDAMN is it obvious he's a sneaky scheming cunt. didn't straight up talk about how "BEING EVIL IS COOL" in an obvious manner, he played it off like the option of the dark side was a legit decision that could have a positive impact on Anakin's life. We know from Episode II that he had his doubts so Sidious is using those mentioned doubts to make them into legitimate reasons to join his side. Hell, if the Prequels wanted to it could have decided to make every villain in that film show non-evil actions (or maybe just from Anakin's perspective) so it would be ambiguous as to whether the "good guys" are actually hero's or not. Or at least it could have done something like make Sidious say all these positive things to Anakin and he tries killing Jedi only and corrupt politicians while Sidious orders his men to kill kids, civilians, and do other dastardly deeds. Anakin would question it for a moment and Sidious, being the sly cunt, would manipulate him into thinking it was for the best. Would make Anakin, and later Darth Vader, turn out to be just a person who thinks all of his evil actions are in the name of good. I know that's what Episode III tried to pull off but I feel like he should have killed more people of authority instead of just willy-nilly kill kids and apprentices and shit left and right. Save that for the henchman, mooks, and grunts. inb4 wot about later in Ep 4 with Alderaan? Tarkin gave the order to destroy it, not Vader. He just stood there and watched and was like "I'm pretty sure dos were all bad guys there, yep. The rebels are trying to make me THINK it was full of normal people. Yea, i'm a guud gui . One could either see this approach as either Anakin/Vader are misguided heroes in their own story or complete morons, but any who watches the Prequels already lean towards complete moron, for the most part.
The last part with Anakin being all "DARKSIDE IS GUD, NUFFIN BAD ABOOT EM" while talking to his pregnant waifu then later choking her just felt lame. I have no idea how that scene could be improved in a legit way to be honest, mainly because I never put as much thought into that scene as I did the previous ones. The fight was kind of neat, I guess.
Overall, I was disappointed at the portrayal of Anakin's transformation and transition to Vader. It could have been reworked in a way that would have given him, again, a larger character.
A lot, and a lot, of things that I've bitched about probably were explained in the EU but like we've said multiple times, this is film only. None of them felt satisfying or had that original charm and story telling like the originals to me. Also a lot of what I've ranted sounds like less like ranting and more of "I wish I wrote the Prequels" and looking back, it kind of does to me. But then again, I haven't done this much writefaggotry in a long time and I enjoyed dis.
That and I could have been masturbating, you fucking CIS faggot.
#789 - funkydiscomaggot (07/18/2016) [-]
>your opinion. There's nothing about your opinion that I don't love.

All good opinions, some of which I wish I wrote in mine that I didn't think of at the time. We can agree that the prequels aren't bad only that they are simply okay. I'm not sure how exactly Lucas totally dropped everything and this was what everyone got, but it probably had to do with not taking so much advice from others or something. When I detailed on my shitty opinion, I was thinking about keeping the idea of the prequels there but with some minor touches. So here are some extra thoughts.
Episode I
Now you're completely right, that Episode I should've been more about the adventure of Qui-gon and Obi-wan, as politics weren't intense in that film. And yes, Anakin's mom was a slave, that's why he's a slave. Even when Episode I went on about economic and political shit, the movie didn't show it for it to actually have mattered, so it shouldn't totally be in there. I feel the reason why Maul was such a good villain was that he was a stereotypical bad guy. He is red, wears black, has horns, red lightsaber, etc. He doesn't say anything except for "AT LAST WE WILL HAVE REVENGE"
Episode II
Now this is when the state of the Republic should be slowly showed to us. Since you pointed out some really neat things already, I'll talk about the Clone War itself. The CIS was totally ruled out as the bad guys, which I can't get behind. The CIS should've had really good reasons to have gone to war, which they did but was never stated. They fight for; free trade, independence, end corruption, and right to monopolies or some shit. To some people, this is good stuff. While clone troopers are super disposable, the Battle of Geonosis is eye-candy with lasers and explosions. This is bad in my opinion, it should've had clone troopers screaming out in pain due to losing limbs and battle droids with their small independent thought, have doubts of the battle.
Episode III
So again, the war isn't as violent as it should be, considering that in Episode VI someone straight-up flew into a command bridge. I think we already covered everything that could be said about Episode III, so thinking about more things is going to be a pain. I remember in a scene with Anakin and Padme in a neat penthouse on Coruscant, Padme wonders if she is on the right side of the war, since the CIS is fighting to end corruption which is never said, I only know through EU , and that's one of her goals as a senator which is stated in the Animated Series . This scene was abruptly ended by Anakin saying "YOU'RE STARTING TO SOUND LIKE A SEPARATIST." I could never truly enjoy the fight between Anakin and Obi-wan on Mustafar, as they literally do all these weird flips and coordinated moves, which could be excused with that they have the force and know where their enemy is going to strike and have hyper-senses. The fight is more "OOO HOLLYWOOD ACTION" than it is super-mario-emotional-bros fighting each other.
If I was to write the prequels, I don't feel like it would do any better at all, but be around the same quality of what they are right now.
#790 - captainspankmonkey (07/18/2016) [-]
>ye, same opinions.

At this point, I'm out of ideas to talk about since we practically covered all the major points. And don't think we are that nip-picky to go into shit like "WHY THE DIALOGUE ABOUT SAND COULD HAVE BEEN MORE MEANINGFUL".

Star Wars The Phantom Menace Review Part 1 of 7 Also I just remembered this review series existed, which is pretty much discussing the same shit. (hell in the Episode 2 ones, he mentioned the Clones being unrelatable and all that.)
#791 - funkydiscomaggot (07/18/2016) [-]
How the fuck did we not go over Jar Jar.
My best excuse is that he was not that memorable of a character enough.
#792 - captainspankmonkey (07/18/2016) [-]
Jar Jar is a walking product aimed at people who don't know better.
That or George was smoking too much crack in the hood.
#781 - The prequels were the best Star Wars films. Jar Jar was we…  [+] (10 new replies) 07/17/2016 on funkydiscomaggot's profile 0
#782 - funkydiscomaggot (07/18/2016) [-]
In my humble opinion, the Revenge of the Sith was OKAY. That's it, it wasn't great and it wasn't bad. The dialogue is compared to how I write dialogue (which is shit).
If I was to make a Star Wars movie, the political drama would be more intense as the results of law-making would be shown and shit, making people thing like "hey perhaps this ain't a good idea after all" but it's a Star Wars movie and nobody wants to think. They want to see lightsabers wiggle around.
Am I getting ahead of myself by ranting a lot about the prequels and what I would do to fix it? Fuck yeah dude.
The prequels looked like they wanted to be a cool political drama, but it needed more than 2-3 hours to actually do this, it needed more political intrigue as Palpatine bribes, threatens, etc. to the other Senate members.
In the first movie, that is when Senator Palpatine turns into Supreme Chancellor. There wasn't too much explanation other than "muh planet is being invaded" which can be the equivalent of a nigger REMEMBER, NOT ALL BLACK PEOPLE ARE NIGGERS, I'M TALKING ABOUT A GHETTO THUGISH PEASANT become the President of the world because he dindu nuffin. George Lucas fucked this up, Palpatine should've came out of nowhere and promising all this great stuff, stuff that he most likely couldn't fulfill. POD RACING. Now that's what I call pod racing! If this was Star Wars: Pod Racing and not Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace then it'd be okay, but it is very useless to have in there. Rather than pod racing, why not detail onto the underground crime gangs in Mos Eisely? This would be a neat thing to touch on as we already know about the Hutts on Tatooine and the Outer Rim. It would be a cool excuse to let Qui-gon Jinn and Obi-Wan do some cool lightsaber moves on some criminals. But not only this, but you see some gangs doing charity and shit. Oh and another thing that I forgot to mention. I have no idea how Darth Sidius somehow got in control of the Trade Federation, it never really explained it.
BATTLE DROIDS. This is the only movie that shows the bad assery of B1 Battle Droids as they destroy the Gungan army (for the most part). It does seem weird that they were controlled from a space ship and when that was destroyed, they all shut down. That's like if Google servers just completely shut off, then no one will be able to turn on their computer. But I thought how the battle droids were able to occupy Naboo was completely cool. Since it was Star Wars, the bad guys never win, for some reason. I guess since it's George Lucas, I can't say it's all that surprising.
I have no further thoughts about Episode I The Phantom Menace as of right now, so onto Episode 2 Attack of the Clones I have a word limit of less than 1200 right now so I'll post it in a next comment
#784 - funkydiscomaggot (07/18/2016) [-]
Now in this post, I will go into full rant-mode about Episode II Attack of the Clones.
This one was surely a better film than Episode I as Anakin wasn't as a little shit as before, but he still is a little shit. Now this one was only cool because at the very end, we get the Battle of Geonosis, which I feel was screwed up a bit. At the beginning of this one, we get Anakin and Obi-Wan meeting Padme. This was executed poorly as Anakin was supposed to be more lovestruck than rapey. But he still comes off as very rapey. To fix this, the dialogue will have to be changed and the actor forgot his name at the moment will need better direction than what he was given. Now I don't remember what happened between Anakin being rapey in Padme's room talking shit about Obi-Wan and the assassination, so let's go ahead and jump right into that.
The assassination attempt on Padme is a bit crazy. I get it, it's a Hollywood action film and going through the traffic of Coruscant and hunting a robot, then a shapeshifting assassin, is fucking cool dude. But it doesn't feel like they were really trying. A robot with worms? I guess this is okay since the worms are ultra-smart and can avoid laser detection from R2-D2, literally a genius and goofball of a robot in Star Wars: The Clone Wars animated series. The way to fix this assassination attempt, was to change it all. It's dumb, like that 4chan post detailed on. Jango Fett should've killed Padme while the jedi were away. We know he has a god damn rocket in his jetpack, he has killer darts and a cool pistol. It would've been okay if one jedi went after the robot and then the shapeshifter. And then the second had to fight with Jango Fett in the dark because for plot reasons, the jedi can't know what he looks like if they're going to see him later in Kamino. So this would make for a cool ass light-show in a dark alley where you see glimpses of Jango from the light from his laser pistol or explosion lights and the jedi lightsaber.
I always didn't like this part after the assassination where the Jedi Council forces Padme to take Anakin on a refugee ship to Naboo. Naboo seems like a weird place to take refugees, since it was invaded years ago, it could most likely happen again. But what if Padme had a bad ass political friend who took them in? It wouldn't have to be too far from Geonosis either for when they go to save Obi-Wan. "I don't like sand.. It's rough, irritating. And it gets everywhere!" What? This was so bad that people quote it ironically, the romance between Anakin and Padme was just so forced. It doesn't feel real. It feels like two people who only wanted to have sex and were awkward about it. Their personalities are crazy different and Anakin is really forceful about having a relationship. Padme just says "sure" I guess because Anakin could literally force choke her to death. How to fix this? Change it all, make the romance unique, make it different. They are politicians (well one is) and should be super-ultra serious about this rather than running through the fields of Naboo with those fat-ass pig-ant-eaters. Now onwards to Geonosis which feels very weird as R2-D2 and C-3P0 didn't have to really come along. R2 just decides "hurr durr lets save them" and C-3P0 is a bit of a push-over and comes along. It makes sense that Anakin and Padme got caught, they are in a tightly guarded facility that's supposed to be kept secret. I thought the colosseum fight was pretty cool but it was weird how Jedi just bursted in out of nowhere, and had some clones FUCK I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT THEM, but I only have 300 characters left
The Battle of Geonosis was pretty cool but I wish it was more gritty and had an agenda of saying "war is bad" like what George R. R. Martin does, and just make it literally horrible but still interesting to watch. I forgot how the film ended.
Now we go to Episode 3 Revenge of the Sith
#785 - funkydiscomaggot (07/18/2016) [-]
Episode III Revenge of the Sith was the best movie of the prequels, as it was the story that George Lucas obviously wanted to tell all along, but somehow the first two movies were about pod-racing and sand. The Battle of Coruscant was cool, how it starts off. You see one Republic cruiser and all of a sudden you see a gigantic space battle and you really get a sense of how big it is due to the good depth perception of the CGI in this scene. We can see that Anakin has finally matured but it was displayed badly, rather than awkwardly say "patience, master" he should've done some Level 900 Buddhist monk-like shit, like levitate. They have the force, right? I believe there were some scenes or something in expanded universe that showed someone levitating with the force.
So Anakin and Obi-Weed board the capital ship of the Separatist forces, which is where General Grievous is. General Grievous was actually a really good character but we don't know much about him I'm talking about in the movie we are never shown what his past is, I'm not including EU in my rants , which sucks. Star Wars has its own type of space battles, but it doesn't feel like much strategy is in them except for charging in with everything you have, I haven't seen a line battle in them like what I saw in Legend of the Galactic Heroes.
Like everything else in the prequels, it could've been better. The two jedi find Supreme Chancellor and fight Count Spooku, who was blatantly evil but I saw how he could've been a "neutral" character in this war. In the second film, Dooku talks to Obi-Wan about a Sith lord in control of the Republic and he is going to overthrow him and the corrupt senators. But he's evil because he's old and has a red lightsaber. The two Jedi and Dooku fight which was a cool fight scene, I just wish there was less flippy-floppies. The cool thing here was that we finally see Palpatine show his side of Sidius where he says "do it" to Anakin.
The capital ship crashes into a landing strip on Coruscant and it wasn't stated that the Separatists retreated, so I got confused there. But I suppose since their general was lost in space that they retreated since they failed to get the chancellor.
Something about Padme being pregnant. Something about Mace Window asking Anakin to spy on Palpatine. Palpatine telling Anakin he should be on the Jedi Council and is refused and Anakin is upset. Palpatine telling Anakin the true intention of the Jedi and "seducing" him to the dark side. This stuff was okay, I don't have any strong opinions about this.
George Lucas should've shown some of the bad sides to the Jedi, like their code which says "don't be an emotional bitch." Even Yoda says pride is common among Jedi, even Windu has this. But the Jedi are the good guys to this story and you don't want to ruin that. Which is weird, good guys almost never lose in Lucas's mind, so making them out to be more bad would've been great.
Now we get to the good part, Order 66. Mace Windu attempts a coup by dueling the emperor only to be thrown out a Mace window. Oddly, the movie doesn't say what Order 66 is about, which is supposed to be that the Jedi have attempted to overthrow the Republic and are traitors. And it would've shown the loyalty of the clone troopers to the Republic as they abandon their generals, but it doesn't do that. In the Animated Series, the reason why the clones did this so easily was that they had computer chips in their brains, which is stupid, and doesn't show any bad ass loyalty to the Republic, they're cloned soldiers, and they know this from birth that their lives are little significance. But the direction with how their was an echo and sad music as they kill the Jedi was pretty cool. And Palpatine becomes emperor for good reason.
Oh boy, now we get into the flippy-floppies in Mustafar with choked Padme. The dialogue was bad "CHANCELLOR PALPATINE IS EVIL!" Jedi go into hiding, and the movie is finished.
#786 - captainspankmonkey (07/18/2016) [-]
Now for my two pennies. Also I agree on a lot of the points you've made, so I won't be going for those that much unless there something I feel like explaining in my own lame opinion.
I feel that the reason the prequels were seen so negatively was that George focused on politics and events rather than on the characters and their adventures like he did in the older films. The prequels focused too much on "LETMETELLYOUABOUTTRADEANDSHIT" "POLITICIANS" "HEROES ON BOTH SIDES" !?!? which would have been fine if they kept it on a short level and again, kept the focus on character. Episode 1 could have been about Obi-wan and Quite-gone trying to stop a unsympathetic and greedy confederacy inb4 why can't the villains have more personality to them instead of being just straight up evil? Because you can't just show moral philosophy on something like Sterr Werrs right in the beginning, ye gotta ease people into this shit. from dismantling a Democratic alliance of galaxies using their own personal knowledge and skills. Maybe they could have added in some friendly banter between student and master. It would have made Qui-gon more memorable and made Obi-wan even more cool. I felt Ewan McGregor did well in all three movies as Obi-wan, don't get me wrong, but it could have been much more. Speaking of characters, MY GOD, a lot of them feel too flat or just too cartoon-y. R2D2 and C3PO were more colorful than a large majority of the cast. Now, onto Anakin; he could have been so much better. I won't get into his acting and dialogue since I feel that George just sucks at writing child characters. Anywho, a kid who's mum was a slave not 100% on that and lived in a desert merchant town but have skills in robotics? Hell, that would fit perfect with your idea of "they fight some underground crime". Imagine if Anakin, with or without the two protagonists knowledge, helped them out by trying to reconfigure droids/robots in the area so that they would help the Jedi's or he could disarm anti-intruder traps. He could have shown outside of skill potential by finding out about his hidden force powers or some shit and then with the main duo find out, they figure he's must be bound for greatness. They free him and his mom from their bonds and Anakin gets to take a ride onto Jedi training. Another thing that I felt was weak, Maul. People say how "HE'S THE BEST PART" "BEST VILLAIN, 10/10". He was fucking lame. "hurr i look like a tribal devil spooky man, i got two lightsabers, huehuehue". If they wanted to make him out to be a one-off villain for the first Episode, they could have just had him be a sneaky shit pulling the strings for the enemy side throughout the course of the film. The side-kick of the villain who was also clever and could think up his own plots and schemes, so when it came to the point where the main two fight him he would reveal he was also a hardcore "I'm not bitch-made" devil monk. His build up would have been more intriguing.
In the end, it just felt that Episode 1 was just Lucas forgetting what made his old films so special and just tick so well. I know that sounds like some sort of "nostalgia fag" thing but a lot of sequels and even remakes made by the original director can be awesome and even just as good as the old, even better.
#787 - captainspankmonkey (07/18/2016) [-]
Episode II: The "Did he not see the reviews of Ep I?" Wars.
I will agree that it's better than Episode I; it was boring and slow and everything was dry in delivery, acting and story. Episode II should have been the one that went into more of the political intrigue of the two sides while also keeping a character/adventure focus. People have eased into the beginning of the prequel's journeys, so now we can hit the audience we the heavy stuff, right? NOPE.jpg. Instead, we get a focus on romance and the worst soon-to-be villain, Anakin. Anakin in the first film didn't bother me to honest, acting wise. Episode II could have been about how he has grown from a tech-kid finding out about the force to be some sorta Jedi-Engineer and quick learner apprentice like Obi-wan. Hell, it would have made them be also bro-esc in a way since they were both fairly young and they both have experiences in being adaptable Jedi. But what makes Anakin fail in this film is his fucking emotions. He could have just been an outsider who saw the goods and bads on both sides, but being on the Jedi side would have made him see them as perhaps hypocritical or they would morally-clash with his views. He would be conflicted but still optimistic in that he chose the right path. Instead, we get angsty anny and the stupid romance. Speaking of the romance, they could have just made both Anakin and Padme start off as "serious business friends" to "ey ur cool, wanna get close to each other and shieet?" over the course of the film without all the cheesy BS. Instead they put in a force romance with the MEME DIALOGUE. Also Anakin being an angsty whiny lil bitch that made Padme seem like the man of the relationship. It's okay to be emotional, don't get me wrong, but it came off so damn corny that it's on level with all the other edgy fictional characters made in other media.
Now to the whole battle thing: If they wanted to go with "WAR, WOT IS IT GOOD FOR? ABSOLUTELY PROFIT NOTHING", they shouldn't have included the clone aspect in or at least made them more relatable. As far as we and the general audience knows, the Clones are nothing more but Spartan-raised sociopaths who's entire lives revolve around their orders given to them by their superiors. Unless the film hinted at them having the capability to have emotion or even show how they think outside of the battlefield, it could have given a bigger picture at the armies itself and would have given them the humanity needed to show how war was bad. Again, for me, it came down just to character in that regard. I know the animated series, novels, and all that go into more detail but the films are what most people watch so they have no fucking idea how that shit works. The only other way around it would be if they were civilian conscripted soldiers. Of course, that would mean that the uniforms and everything about them would change because the Galactic Federation is a multi-cultural government and military system. Unless the troopers were just part of a specific planet or several selected human/human-esc planets like how all the green or grey foot soldiers of the Imperial Guard that people outside of 40K are aware of came from a few select planets. then no need for change. For all the politics and intrigue the prequels try to add in, they don't do it too well in specific details.
Now let me give you my poorly worded thoughts on Episode 3. Revenge of the WHY.
#788 - captainspankmonkey (07/18/2016) [-]
Episode III got a lot of positive feedback before it came out with people talking about how "IT'S THE BEST ONE IN THE PREQUEL TRILOGY" "THIS ONE WON'T MAKE YOU SUCK YOUR WIENER OUT OF YOUR ASS" "IT'S EDGY BUT GOOD EDGY". I mean, when I was a lad and I saw it I liked it out of all the prequels, but dat was because I was an edgy cunt who drew art of almost-edgy shit. Looking back, I don't think it's good but not horrible, just really disappointing. I can't think of anything bad to say than what you have already said so I'll bitch and rant about two characters: Anakin and da Emprah. The scenes with these two were actually neat. Sidious have I mentioned that name is stupid? I get it's supposed to be intentionally evil but GODDAMN is it obvious he's a sneaky scheming cunt. didn't straight up talk about how "BEING EVIL IS COOL" in an obvious manner, he played it off like the option of the dark side was a legit decision that could have a positive impact on Anakin's life. We know from Episode II that he had his doubts so Sidious is using those mentioned doubts to make them into legitimate reasons to join his side. Hell, if the Prequels wanted to it could have decided to make every villain in that film show non-evil actions (or maybe just from Anakin's perspective) so it would be ambiguous as to whether the "good guys" are actually hero's or not. Or at least it could have done something like make Sidious say all these positive things to Anakin and he tries killing Jedi only and corrupt politicians while Sidious orders his men to kill kids, civilians, and do other dastardly deeds. Anakin would question it for a moment and Sidious, being the sly cunt, would manipulate him into thinking it was for the best. Would make Anakin, and later Darth Vader, turn out to be just a person who thinks all of his evil actions are in the name of good. I know that's what Episode III tried to pull off but I feel like he should have killed more people of authority instead of just willy-nilly kill kids and apprentices and shit left and right. Save that for the henchman, mooks, and grunts. inb4 wot about later in Ep 4 with Alderaan? Tarkin gave the order to destroy it, not Vader. He just stood there and watched and was like "I'm pretty sure dos were all bad guys there, yep. The rebels are trying to make me THINK it was full of normal people. Yea, i'm a guud gui . One could either see this approach as either Anakin/Vader are misguided heroes in their own story or complete morons, but any who watches the Prequels already lean towards complete moron, for the most part.
The last part with Anakin being all "DARKSIDE IS GUD, NUFFIN BAD ABOOT EM" while talking to his pregnant waifu then later choking her just felt lame. I have no idea how that scene could be improved in a legit way to be honest, mainly because I never put as much thought into that scene as I did the previous ones. The fight was kind of neat, I guess.
Overall, I was disappointed at the portrayal of Anakin's transformation and transition to Vader. It could have been reworked in a way that would have given him, again, a larger character.
A lot, and a lot, of things that I've bitched about probably were explained in the EU but like we've said multiple times, this is film only. None of them felt satisfying or had that original charm and story telling like the originals to me. Also a lot of what I've ranted sounds like less like ranting and more of "I wish I wrote the Prequels" and looking back, it kind of does to me. But then again, I haven't done this much writefaggotry in a long time and I enjoyed dis.
That and I could have been masturbating, you fucking CIS faggot.
#789 - funkydiscomaggot (07/18/2016) [-]
>your opinion. There's nothing about your opinion that I don't love.

All good opinions, some of which I wish I wrote in mine that I didn't think of at the time. We can agree that the prequels aren't bad only that they are simply okay. I'm not sure how exactly Lucas totally dropped everything and this was what everyone got, but it probably had to do with not taking so much advice from others or something. When I detailed on my shitty opinion, I was thinking about keeping the idea of the prequels there but with some minor touches. So here are some extra thoughts.
Episode I
Now you're completely right, that Episode I should've been more about the adventure of Qui-gon and Obi-wan, as politics weren't intense in that film. And yes, Anakin's mom was a slave, that's why he's a slave. Even when Episode I went on about economic and political shit, the movie didn't show it for it to actually have mattered, so it shouldn't totally be in there. I feel the reason why Maul was such a good villain was that he was a stereotypical bad guy. He is red, wears black, has horns, red lightsaber, etc. He doesn't say anything except for "AT LAST WE WILL HAVE REVENGE"
Episode II
Now this is when the state of the Republic should be slowly showed to us. Since you pointed out some really neat things already, I'll talk about the Clone War itself. The CIS was totally ruled out as the bad guys, which I can't get behind. The CIS should've had really good reasons to have gone to war, which they did but was never stated. They fight for; free trade, independence, end corruption, and right to monopolies or some shit. To some people, this is good stuff. While clone troopers are super disposable, the Battle of Geonosis is eye-candy with lasers and explosions. This is bad in my opinion, it should've had clone troopers screaming out in pain due to losing limbs and battle droids with their small independent thought, have doubts of the battle.
Episode III
So again, the war isn't as violent as it should be, considering that in Episode VI someone straight-up flew into a command bridge. I think we already covered everything that could be said about Episode III, so thinking about more things is going to be a pain. I remember in a scene with Anakin and Padme in a neat penthouse on Coruscant, Padme wonders if she is on the right side of the war, since the CIS is fighting to end corruption which is never said, I only know through EU , and that's one of her goals as a senator which is stated in the Animated Series . This scene was abruptly ended by Anakin saying "YOU'RE STARTING TO SOUND LIKE A SEPARATIST." I could never truly enjoy the fight between Anakin and Obi-wan on Mustafar, as they literally do all these weird flips and coordinated moves, which could be excused with that they have the force and know where their enemy is going to strike and have hyper-senses. The fight is more "OOO HOLLYWOOD ACTION" than it is super-mario-emotional-bros fighting each other.
If I was to write the prequels, I don't feel like it would do any better at all, but be around the same quality of what they are right now.
#790 - captainspankmonkey (07/18/2016) [-]
>ye, same opinions.

At this point, I'm out of ideas to talk about since we practically covered all the major points. And don't think we are that nip-picky to go into shit like "WHY THE DIALOGUE ABOUT SAND COULD HAVE BEEN MORE MEANINGFUL".

Star Wars The Phantom Menace Review Part 1 of 7 Also I just remembered this review series existed, which is pretty much discussing the same shit. (hell in the Episode 2 ones, he mentioned the Clones being unrelatable and all that.)
#791 - funkydiscomaggot (07/18/2016) [-]
How the fuck did we not go over Jar Jar.
My best excuse is that he was not that memorable of a character enough.
#792 - captainspankmonkey (07/18/2016) [-]
Jar Jar is a walking product aimed at people who don't know better.
That or George was smoking too much crack in the hood.
#7448 - Righto then.  [+] (1 new reply) 07/17/2016 on captainspankmonkey's profile 0
User avatar
#7449 - satoasami (07/17/2016) [-]
I'll take a Katara. Ask around in the thread for tips.
#7446 - I could try and do some. Though given my **** talent and that …  [+] (3 new replies) 07/17/2016 on captainspankmonkey's profile 0
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#7447 - satoasami (07/17/2016) [-]
Females might be easier to edit.
User avatar
#7448 - captainspankmonkey (07/17/2016) [-]
Righto then.
User avatar
#7449 - satoasami (07/17/2016) [-]
I'll take a Katara. Ask around in the thread for tips.
#7444 - Should have known it was something /co/mrade related. Also…  [+] (5 new replies) 07/17/2016 on captainspankmonkey's profile 0
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#7445 - satoasami (07/17/2016) [-]
I want more Gwenpool Korra characters.
#7446 - captainspankmonkey (07/17/2016) [-]
I could try and do some. Though given my shit talent and that I'm on and off due to work, it may take a bit but hey, free labor.
I'm gonna take it's just the females right? Or dudes too?
User avatar
#7447 - satoasami (07/17/2016) [-]
Females might be easier to edit.
User avatar
#7448 - captainspankmonkey (07/17/2016) [-]
Righto then.
User avatar
#7449 - satoasami (07/17/2016) [-]
I'll take a Katara. Ask around in the thread for tips.
#7442 - I didn't even know Gwenpool was a thing till you mentioned it.  [+] (7 new replies) 07/17/2016 on captainspankmonkey's profile 0
#7444 - captainspankmonkey (07/17/2016) [-]
Should have known it was something /co/mrade related.
Also that Asami one is pretty damn good.
User avatar
#7445 - satoasami (07/17/2016) [-]
I want more Gwenpool Korra characters.
#7446 - captainspankmonkey (07/17/2016) [-]
I could try and do some. Though given my shit talent and that I'm on and off due to work, it may take a bit but hey, free labor.
I'm gonna take it's just the females right? Or dudes too?
User avatar
#7447 - satoasami (07/17/2016) [-]
Females might be easier to edit.
User avatar
#7448 - captainspankmonkey (07/17/2016) [-]
Righto then.
User avatar
#7449 - satoasami (07/17/2016) [-]
I'll take a Katara. Ask around in the thread for tips.
#7440 - Picture  [+] (9 new replies) 07/17/2016 on captainspankmonkey's profile 0
#7441 - satoasami (07/17/2016) [-]
I love Gwenpool edits.
User avatar
#7442 - captainspankmonkey (07/17/2016) [-]
I didn't even know Gwenpool was a thing till you mentioned it.
#7444 - captainspankmonkey (07/17/2016) [-]
Should have known it was something /co/mrade related.
Also that Asami one is pretty damn good.
User avatar
#7445 - satoasami (07/17/2016) [-]
I want more Gwenpool Korra characters.
#7446 - captainspankmonkey (07/17/2016) [-]
I could try and do some. Though given my shit talent and that I'm on and off due to work, it may take a bit but hey, free labor.
I'm gonna take it's just the females right? Or dudes too?
User avatar
#7447 - satoasami (07/17/2016) [-]
Females might be easier to edit.
User avatar
#7448 - captainspankmonkey (07/17/2016) [-]
Righto then.
User avatar
#7449 - satoasami (07/17/2016) [-]
I'll take a Katara. Ask around in the thread for tips.
#780 - **captainspankmonkey used "*roll picture*"** **captainspank… 07/17/2016 on funkydiscomaggot's profile 0
#1 - "Jim, I’m going to fly into the tiddy. Paul you ***… 07/17/2016 on Death by SNU SNU! +74