Level 19 Comments: New Here
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|Date Signed Up:||2/07/2013|
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latest user's comments
|#5 - Whoa, yes. but how fix? hard [+] (9 new replies)||01/06/2016 on /r9k/ on themselves||+4|
#11 - amuzen (01/06/2016) [-]
well the problem here is they obtain that 'slightly' higher level of intelligence by being more introspective and thinking a bit longer and more in depth about things rather than going out and doing things. If they can get past the hurdle of doing stuff that feels counter intuitive to their personality type they can potentially get the best of both worlds, but more often than not their personality type will just shift over time and they eventually lose that slight 'intellectual edge' but regain the social skills.
#37 - etfhan (01/06/2016) [-]
But when I went to college, since no one there had previous knowledge of me, or maybe because it was such a big place in a college town as well that it was easy to make conversation with others, I started to be very socially active. I made buddies not necessarily were all of them true friends, but just people to do things with , had some hanky panky, and began to easily speak to others, and all that "normie" stuff.
Junior year, I made 2 friends I reserve this word for its true meaning. Not just someone you add on facebook whom you've only met once. I mean someone that you hold dearly. that got me thinking - literally thinking in general. They brought back the part of me that considered my actions deeply (though that didn't mean I choose the right one.) With them, we had 2 others join in our "group" if you can call it that.
So for 2 years with those guys, I had some eye-opening "adulting" lessons. I won't bore you with the details of how I learned the lessons, because that would be a rather long essay. But some of the main things I learned is this:
1) From social interactions, don't seek to earn material gains, but rather benefits of the mind, body, soul and all that modern philosophy mumbo jumbo. I can't think of a good word for it atm, but that should do . Getting a circle of friends just for the sake of it is pointless, and there is no virtue to it. Sure, it can be nice to have people to interact with, but you can just as easily do the same by going to a public venue and strike up a conversation there. What you need is people who will inspire you, give you things to consider, things to think about, and not just about "how so and so got wasted and puked in a bush, breh it was epic." The people in your circle you should feel close to. If one of them has a success, you should feel joy just as they do, albeit not necessarily to the same degree. If they are hurt, you should also feel at least a hint of pain.
2) Value your time alone. To loosely paraphrase a metaphor by Emerson, trees shed their leaves to be by themselves before being surrounded by them once more. You're the tree. Friends are leaves. You need time to reflect on yourself, whether it be by actually thinking things over, or just doing what you like to do.
3) And a thing both points 1 and 2 have in common is this: rely on yourself. You don't need to worry about what others say or think of you as long as you have yourself to fall back on. You think you did something autismo? Oh no, big deal. If the person thinks poorly of you, whatever. They most likely will not have noticed, since everyone thinks they do stuff like that. The biggest autist you know is yourself. So forget that part about you. Most others don't even know it. And if they do think that of you, whatever. "My life is tough enough as it is to have to worry about others' opinions about me." So just go and be your true self. You are the only person you can always count on, so don't just let yourself sit, but rather help yourself back up.
I highly recommend reading stuff by Ralph Waldo Emerson, if anyone wants some more food for thought about such stuff. His essays on Friendship and Self-Reliance are really good for this, imo. He has been a big source of inspiration for my thoughts.
Sorry for the essay, here's a sick ollie to make it up.
#39 - amuzen (01/06/2016) [-]
well what I was talking about wasn't outright social ineptitude or some ingenious method of thinking, I'm not talking about Aspergers or anything like that here. Really what I'm talking about is just a preference of how to go about things, specifically the preference to sit back and think things through versus the preference to dive in and get stuff done.
You can learn to switch between the two preferences by forcing yourself through a variety of situations where you have to do one then the other, but generally speaking when you do too much of one way of thinking it becomes harder to go back to the other way. There are very few people can change things this intrinsic to who they are on a dime and going to far down that rabbit hole of dividing ones persona can lead to some... confusing situations.
Where this comes in socially is that in basic conversation and most social interactions you don't have time to sit back and analyze all your options, you have to absorb all the information given off by those around you and use it in the most appropriate manner when only given moments to react. Thus the 'introspective' style of thinking isn't very well suited for day to day social interactions and it falls outside the comfort zone of the introspective thinker.
sure you can always strive to be a better you and the better a you you are the easier everything becomes, but you're still going to have to struggle with your own weaknesses, understand where they are, and constantly work around them.
#40 - etfhan (01/06/2016) [-]
Sorry if I made it sound like I understood that you were talking about aspergers. What I wrote is on how to get stuff done with people.
When I was first introduced to ordinary differential equations, it took me a solid amount of time to get an answer. But now, as a physicist, I deal with them often, so I can quickly find a solution.
I think social interaction is similar. You don't need to stop "analyzing" and switch to some pre-programmed commands when you deal with people. The more you deal with people, the better you become at quickly finding the "correct solution." Further, you should analyze, and try to see how others feel. If you are at someone's house for dinner, you should pick up when they feel you have overstayed your welcome. Most people won't just kick you out directly, so you need to analyze and understand when they have had enough.
But most importantly, you should be genuine in your interactions. You don't need to hide yourself from others. I am not talking about making yourself better and all that Oprah nonsense. I am talking about just being what you are. Don't strive to be better, because the best you can be already exists in you. What you shouldn't do is hide that part of yourself, because that only makes a worse you.
#38 - etfhan (01/06/2016) [-]
To add about Emerson, he will bitch about how you shouldn't jut take your "master's" in this case him words for true, for then they become meaningless. So keep that in mind; don't seek his stuff as a ehow guide on whatever, but rather as a means of inspiration to find what works for you. It's like lighting a campfire with a lighter. The lighter ignites the tinder, but the campfire doesn't become the fire from the lighter. It becomes its own entity, lit by the lighter.
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