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#268 - Vpirate (05/31/2012) [-]
#270 to #326 - bubdude (05/31/2012) [-]
i only saw three things you might what to look at when i read through it:
>first paragraph second sentence: possible missing words "the draconnequis making the"
>in a couple spots, it is hard to distinguish which character is talking.
>you also say "...****" quite a lot. it doesn't go against any english rules seeing as how it is only used in speech or thought but it can be seen as repetitive.

other than that, it's a pretty good place to end it, just the right amount of description as to give a good visualization but not be boring to read, and it is following the rp really well (even clearifying some things that were confusing in the rp).
#271 to #328 - Vpirate (05/31/2012) [-]
Well the "...****." Is something I meant to be repetitive
And thanks
#272 to #329 - bubdude (05/31/2012) [-]
alright, i just wasn't sure.
#269 to #326 - bubdude (05/31/2012) [-]
sorry, it never sent me a notification