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boneknight    

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boneknight Avatar Level 196 Comments: Anon Annihilator
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Gender: male
Age: 23
Date Signed Up:2/11/2012
Last Login:8/20/2014
Funnyjunk Career Stats
Content Ranking:#993
Comment Ranking:#3166
Highest Content Rank:#993
Highest Comment Rank:#2974
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Level 120 Content: Respected Member Of Famiry → Level 121 Content: Respected Member Of Famiry
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Level 196 Comments: Anon Annihilator → Level 197 Comments: Anon Annihilator
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Favorite Tags: CP (3) | coolio (2) | mchammer (2) | ur mum (2)

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  • Views: 1802
    Thumbs Up 20 Thumbs Down 8 Total: +12
    Comments: 4
    Favorites: 2
    Uploaded: 03/01/12
    Pudding! Pudding!
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latest user's comments

#19 - Te-He Motha Fukka Te-He 08/12/2014 on Epic Prank. 0
#9 - I'm actually really big on reading and I can tell great storie… 08/11/2014 on The Other Room. 0
#6 - Here I did some separating and fixed a few errors I didn't not…  [+] (1 new reply) 08/11/2014 on The Other Room. +1
User avatar #7 - friendlyanon (08/11/2014) [-]
This. This is much much better.
#5 - I have a feeling I'll be hearing alot about paragraphs lol. Bu… 08/11/2014 on The Other Room. +1
#4 - Right I'm really no good at writing. I have difficulty figurin… 08/11/2014 on The Other Room. 0
#1 - Ok so I would love to have your opinion on this. I've never be…  [+] (6 new replies) 08/10/2014 on The Other Room. +4
#8 - aech (08/11/2014) [-]
Okay. List time.

>Oxford comma. It isn't strictly necessary, but it's one of those things you'll get shit about.

> As other people have mentioned, paragraphs make the writing more approachable and less of an eyesore.

>Creepy stuff tends to have a better impact with short sentences, but some variation would make it flow better.

>Semicolons are the shiznit. You could've used a few in place of a comma or just to link two short sentences together. Example(with corrections underlined): "It does not open but you feel a sense of foreboding; it's as if you already know what's behind the door and the very fiber of your being is rebelling against you."

The most important thing? Keep writing. Write everything. Write thoughts as they pop into your head. Write malformed, inbred plot bunnies until one breeds true. Watch strangers and make up stories for them. Read, too. You should read everything you can get your hands on, from medical pamphlets to big-ass novels. You can't write if you don't read.
User avatar #9 - boneknight (08/11/2014) [-]
I'm actually really big on reading and I can tell great stories I'm just a shit writer. But thanks I'll take those tips.
User avatar #3 - friendlyanon (08/11/2014) [-]
I liked it a lot.

I think you did a great job capturing the essence of that trap we all fall in: how we don't want to face reality and how we just put it aside and leave it there, hoping it will dissapear, but knowing that sooner or later, we will remember about it.
The feeling of dread when we finally have to face all this is also very well presented.

My only tip would be: paragraphs. Shape the text so it becomes easier to read and nicer to the eye.

Dunno, i'm not a connoisseur about literature, nor is english my first language, but i think you have potential to become a great writter if you keep it up.
User avatar #6 - boneknight (08/11/2014) [-]
Here I did some separating and fixed a few errors I didn't notice.

There is room that isn't a room. It has no walls, no ceiling and no floor. It isn't a white room but rather a bright room. You may move freely within the room, in any direction you please. But there will always be a column in the distance. No matter how far or how fast you go you cannot escape it. The moment you decide to approach it will be right in front of you.

The column is made of pure light. You cannot see through it. You cannot touch it for it is always out of reach. But there is a door on the column. The door does not belong in the room. You touch the door, the moment you do chains meld out from the door. They are black and cracked, stretching across the door into the column. There are eleven chains. As you place your hand upon one of them it shatters and the door heaves outward. It does not open but you feel a foreboding, it’s as if you already know what’s behind the door and the very fiber of your being is rebelling against you. With a heavy hand you touch the remaining chains, each time the door swells and begins to buckle. When the last chains falls nothing happens, then cracks begin to appear radiating outwards. The door slowly crumbles with each piece evaporating seconds after.

Beyond the door is a room of darkness. It is like the bright room. No walls, no ceiling and no floor. But there’s something inside it. It feels familiar; it feels as if every bad memory was pressed into one single being. And as you stand there, just before the threshold, you realize "It’s right there." This thing that is every horrible memory taken form is right there, just opposite to you. You couldn't see it because the darkness wraps itself around it. You can only see its cold hollow eyes. You try to go through the door but you can't. You are trapped in the bright room. The person you see is yourself. The you that lives in the real world. The thing that you created to cope with your reality while you hid yourself within your own mind. The dark room isn't a room. The door isn't a door. It’s a window to the world you hid yourself from. As you remember this you back away restoring the door and chains by second nature, as if you've done it a hundred times.

And when the eleventh chain is restored you stand there. You don't remember the door. But you still feel it, you feel what you saw beyond it. And you run away from the door. You run away from the column. It sits on the horizon. Waiting for you to return.
User avatar #7 - friendlyanon (08/11/2014) [-]
This. This is much much better.
User avatar #5 - boneknight (08/11/2014) [-]
I have a feeling I'll be hearing alot about paragraphs lol. But thanks for the feedback. I'll try to be more paragraphy.
#105 - HA 08/10/2014 on Das racist and sexist guyz 0
#1231 - Yummy Yummy Yummy I Got Love In My Tummy! 08/10/2014 on The "Mirror" 0
#1220 - **boneknight rolled image ** Come eat my ass. 08/10/2014 on The "Mirror" 0
#4 - He's naked. The more you know. 08/10/2014 on (untitled) +3

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #8 to #7 - boneknight (06/27/2014) [-]
HAHAHA why?
#4 - fenderocks (04/03/2012) [-]
650 negative thumbs for one comment that wasn't half as bad as half the comments I see here. I feel you bro.
User avatar #6 to #3 - boneknight (05/18/2014) [-]
actually I'm Asian...So i should be called a chink. tho ive heard that the vietnamese are called the ******* of asia...not really sure why...
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