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actinglead

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Date Signed Up:6/27/2011
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Hello, Im Gay, Im Funny, nothing else you need to know

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#3 - Picture 12/18/2014 on insert komedy here +1
#3126 - you may be able to do that. but that dosnt mean you cannot all… 11/16/2014 on actinglead's profile 0
#3124 - its just not me. i just wish you would talk to me about you problems  [+] (2 new replies) 11/16/2014 on actinglead's profile 0
User avatar #3125 - ancano (11/16/2014) [-]
this always makes me laugh. I am manic-depressive, but i'm also wicked smart. so even if i "feel bad" I literally love my research and work so much i don't care. it's not a coping mechanism, that's what you have, its treatment.

unlike you i know how to treat myself
unlike you i know how other people feel
unlike you i know how to treat other people

I sound like a dick and i know it and i'm sorry if it triggers you. but this is the final piece i have to say. I am NOT sad when i am successful. melancholy and anxiety only exist when i let them. I am in control of myself and you are not in control of yourself.

I hope soon you get better and understand what i'm saying, because i know right now all you want to do is twist them to fit this ideal you have where we can be together and i'm telling you it isn't healthy or possible. I care for you as a friend and nothing more.

so this is my final message to you until you can show you are taking steps and making progress towards a better tomorrow.
User avatar #3126 - actinglead (11/16/2014) [-]
you may be able to do that. but that dosnt mean you cannot allow people into your life.
#3122 - im just dont know. only beacause i dont think i can trust you.…  [+] (4 new replies) 11/16/2014 on actinglead's profile 0
User avatar #3123 - ancano (11/16/2014) [-]
sorry you feel that way, i'm not going to message you again until you work your mental stuff out.
User avatar #3124 - actinglead (11/16/2014) [-]
its just not me. i just wish you would talk to me about you problems
User avatar #3125 - ancano (11/16/2014) [-]
this always makes me laugh. I am manic-depressive, but i'm also wicked smart. so even if i "feel bad" I literally love my research and work so much i don't care. it's not a coping mechanism, that's what you have, its treatment.

unlike you i know how to treat myself
unlike you i know how other people feel
unlike you i know how to treat other people

I sound like a dick and i know it and i'm sorry if it triggers you. but this is the final piece i have to say. I am NOT sad when i am successful. melancholy and anxiety only exist when i let them. I am in control of myself and you are not in control of yourself.

I hope soon you get better and understand what i'm saying, because i know right now all you want to do is twist them to fit this ideal you have where we can be together and i'm telling you it isn't healthy or possible. I care for you as a friend and nothing more.

so this is my final message to you until you can show you are taking steps and making progress towards a better tomorrow.
User avatar #3126 - actinglead (11/16/2014) [-]
you may be able to do that. but that dosnt mean you cannot allow people into your life.
#3120 - okay  [+] (6 new replies) 11/16/2014 on actinglead's profile 0
User avatar #3121 - ancano (11/16/2014) [-]
do you really not want to be friends anymore? cause that's how it looks from my end
User avatar #3122 - actinglead (11/16/2014) [-]
im just dont know. only beacause i dont think i can trust you. and i wish i could.
User avatar #3123 - ancano (11/16/2014) [-]
sorry you feel that way, i'm not going to message you again until you work your mental stuff out.
User avatar #3124 - actinglead (11/16/2014) [-]
its just not me. i just wish you would talk to me about you problems
User avatar #3125 - ancano (11/16/2014) [-]
this always makes me laugh. I am manic-depressive, but i'm also wicked smart. so even if i "feel bad" I literally love my research and work so much i don't care. it's not a coping mechanism, that's what you have, its treatment.

unlike you i know how to treat myself
unlike you i know how other people feel
unlike you i know how to treat other people

I sound like a dick and i know it and i'm sorry if it triggers you. but this is the final piece i have to say. I am NOT sad when i am successful. melancholy and anxiety only exist when i let them. I am in control of myself and you are not in control of yourself.

I hope soon you get better and understand what i'm saying, because i know right now all you want to do is twist them to fit this ideal you have where we can be together and i'm telling you it isn't healthy or possible. I care for you as a friend and nothing more.

so this is my final message to you until you can show you are taking steps and making progress towards a better tomorrow.
User avatar #3126 - actinglead (11/16/2014) [-]
you may be able to do that. but that dosnt mean you cannot allow people into your life.
#3117 - nope  [+] (1 new reply) 11/13/2014 on actinglead's profile 0
User avatar #3118 - ancano (11/13/2014) [-]
okay, have fun with that.
#3115 - im not in a good place.  [+] (3 new replies) 11/13/2014 on actinglead's profile 0
User avatar #3116 - ancano (11/13/2014) [-]
i don't suppose you want to rant?
User avatar #3117 - actinglead (11/13/2014) [-]
nope
User avatar #3118 - ancano (11/13/2014) [-]
okay, have fun with that.
#3113 - okay  [+] (5 new replies) 11/13/2014 on actinglead's profile 0
User avatar #3114 - ancano (11/13/2014) [-]
alrighty, guess you aren't up for a chat.
User avatar #3115 - actinglead (11/13/2014) [-]
im not in a good place.
User avatar #3116 - ancano (11/13/2014) [-]
i don't suppose you want to rant?
User avatar #3117 - actinglead (11/13/2014) [-]
nope
User avatar #3118 - ancano (11/13/2014) [-]
okay, have fun with that.
#3110 - you just dont understand how i worry about you..... …  [+] (1 new reply) 11/09/2014 on actinglead's profile 0
User avatar #3111 - ancano (11/09/2014) [-]
so i'm a liar to you then? thats hitlerious.


but this conversation is over i suppose.
#3108 - i will never believe you are happy because of what you said. a…  [+] (3 new replies) 11/09/2014 on actinglead's profile 0
User avatar #3109 - ancano (11/09/2014) [-]
if you don't wanna believe me that's fine, but i'm going to get real angry if you talk down to me like that.

I don't understand where you get this idea why you think you can talk to me like that XD but you'd better unfuck your head because frankly i don't feel like talking about unimportant shit when i'm on break and having a good time.

if you want to talk about other things i'm more than willing
User avatar #3110 - actinglead (11/09/2014) [-]
you just dont understand how i worry about you.....


and if you want to talk about other things fine.
just never lie to me and tell me if there is something going on.
thats all i ask
User avatar #3111 - ancano (11/09/2014) [-]
so i'm a liar to you then? thats hitlerious.


but this conversation is over i suppose.

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User avatar #3119 - ancano (11/16/2014) [-]
ASHDJKLJGDHJSAHDJKSA

my research just got funded to present at the National Conference of Undergrad Research!!!!
User avatar #3121 to #3120 - ancano (11/16/2014) [-]
do you really not want to be friends anymore? cause that's how it looks from my end
User avatar #3122 to #3121 - actinglead (11/16/2014) [-]
im just dont know. only beacause i dont think i can trust you. and i wish i could.
User avatar #3123 to #3122 - ancano (11/16/2014) [-]
sorry you feel that way, i'm not going to message you again until you work your mental stuff out.
User avatar #3124 to #3123 - actinglead (11/16/2014) [-]
its just not me. i just wish you would talk to me about you problems
User avatar #3125 to #3124 - ancano (11/16/2014) [-]
this always makes me laugh. I am manic-depressive, but i'm also wicked smart. so even if i "feel bad" I literally love my research and work so much i don't care. it's not a coping mechanism, that's what you have, its treatment.

unlike you i know how to treat myself
unlike you i know how other people feel
unlike you i know how to treat other people

I sound like a dick and i know it and i'm sorry if it triggers you. but this is the final piece i have to say. I am NOT sad when i am successful. melancholy and anxiety only exist when i let them. I am in control of myself and you are not in control of yourself.

I hope soon you get better and understand what i'm saying, because i know right now all you want to do is twist them to fit this ideal you have where we can be together and i'm telling you it isn't healthy or possible. I care for you as a friend and nothing more.

so this is my final message to you until you can show you are taking steps and making progress towards a better tomorrow.
User avatar #3126 to #3125 - actinglead (11/16/2014) [-]
you may be able to do that. but that dosnt mean you cannot allow people into your life.
User avatar #3112 - ancano (11/13/2014) [-]
boy that run felt gewd
User avatar #3114 to #3113 - ancano (11/13/2014) [-]
alrighty, guess you aren't up for a chat.
User avatar #3115 to #3114 - actinglead (11/13/2014) [-]
im not in a good place.
User avatar #3116 to #3115 - ancano (11/13/2014) [-]
i don't suppose you want to rant?
User avatar #3118 to #3117 - ancano (11/13/2014) [-]
okay, have fun with that.
User avatar #3101 - ancano (11/08/2014) [-]
hallo
User avatar #3103 to #3102 - ancano (11/09/2014) [-]
how goes it?
User avatar #3104 to #3103 - actinglead (11/09/2014) [-]
meh. you
User avatar #3105 to #3104 - ancano (11/09/2014) [-]
pretty great, this week off work has been boring but that's good in it's own way
User avatar #3106 to #3105 - actinglead (11/09/2014) [-]
you know i will never believe you know when you say that
#3107 to #3106 - ancano (11/09/2014) [-]
but... i have a week off work.... am i not allowed to be happy about that
User avatar #3108 to #3107 - actinglead (11/09/2014) [-]
i will never believe you are happy because of what you said. and its killing me on the inside
User avatar #3109 to #3108 - ancano (11/09/2014) [-]
if you don't wanna believe me that's fine, but i'm going to get real angry if you talk down to me like that.

I don't understand where you get this idea why you think you can talk to me like that XD but you'd better ****** your head because frankly i don't feel like talking about unimportant **** when i'm on break and having a good time.

if you want to talk about other things i'm more than willing
User avatar #3110 to #3109 - actinglead (11/09/2014) [-]
you just dont understand how i worry about you.....


and if you want to talk about other things fine.
just never lie to me and tell me if there is something going on.
thats all i ask
User avatar #3111 to #3110 - ancano (11/09/2014) [-]
so i'm a liar to you then? thats hitlerious.


but this conversation is over i suppose.
User avatar #3097 - ancano (11/05/2014) [-]
yo
User avatar #3100 to #3098 - ancano (11/06/2014) [-]
let's try this again lol
User avatar #3099 to #3098 - ancano (11/05/2014) [-]
blegh i was asleep
User avatar #3096 - ancano (10/30/2014) [-]
yo
User avatar #3073 - ancano (10/28/2014) [-]
heya
User avatar #3094 to #3073 - actinglead (10/29/2014) [-]
everyone around me in real life is ****
User avatar #3095 to #3094 - ancano (10/29/2014) [-]
sorry I was on a walk
User avatar #3075 to #3074 - ancano (10/28/2014) [-]
how was school?
User avatar #3076 to #3075 - actinglead (10/28/2014) [-]
good. one of my classes got cancled today so i had school from 915 to 1030 in the morning. and ive been sleeping since
User avatar #3077 to #3076 - ancano (10/28/2014) [-]
lucky!!!
User avatar #3078 to #3077 - actinglead (10/28/2014) [-]
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
User avatar #3080 to #3079 - actinglead (10/28/2014) [-]
idk... i went on a date last night
User avatar #3081 to #3080 - ancano (10/28/2014) [-]
where'd ya go?
User avatar #3082 to #3081 - actinglead (10/28/2014) [-]
we just hung out and since he is a theater major he showed me around the performing arts center late at night so we were the only ones there
User avatar #3083 to #3082 - ancano (10/28/2014) [-]
cute

is he good looking?
User avatar #3084 to #3083 - actinglead (10/28/2014) [-]
very good looking. but a bit on the short side. but his name is seamus :3
User avatar #3085 to #3084 - ancano (10/28/2014) [-]
i can't help but think of harry potter
User avatar #3086 to #3085 - actinglead (10/28/2014) [-]
neither could i. but he is sooo sweet and adorable, he calls me a prince and what not. its so adorable
#3087 to #3086 - ancano (10/28/2014) [-]
princess?
either way it's cute
User avatar #3088 to #3087 - actinglead (10/28/2014) [-]
no, he calls me a prince like someone would call someone princess. and im just loving it
User avatar #3090 to #3089 - actinglead (10/29/2014) [-]
i see positive things
User avatar #3091 to #3090 - ancano (10/29/2014) [-]
i know that's why i'm excited
User avatar #3092 to #3091 - actinglead (10/29/2014) [-]
haha. and my mum says i shouldnt be focusing on boys.
User avatar #3093 to #3092 - ancano (10/29/2014) [-]
your mum is ****
User avatar #3051 - ancano (10/21/2014) [-]
boy i'm not doing so great haha
User avatar #3052 to #3051 - actinglead (10/21/2014) [-]
whats wrong
User avatar #3053 to #3052 - ancano (10/21/2014) [-]
oh boy there's a list of things that i don't want to go over really.

how are you?
User avatar #3054 to #3053 - actinglead (10/21/2014) [-]
im fine, just worried about you...

you know you can share anything
#3055 to #3054 - ancano (10/21/2014) [-]
nah i'm the one who is supposed to worry ya know. but letting other people know i'm kinda dying inside helps them understand i'm not perfect. weird like that i guess


oh also, new workstation.
User avatar #3056 to #3055 - actinglead (10/21/2014) [-]
oh awesome
User avatar #3057 to #3056 - ancano (10/21/2014) [-]
so what's up?
User avatar #3058 to #3057 - actinglead (10/21/2014) [-]
getting ready to head down to florida on thursday
User avatar #3059 to #3058 - ancano (10/21/2014) [-]
ah right, that. you gonna be ok on the trip?
User avatar #3060 to #3059 - actinglead (10/21/2014) [-]
yea. ill spend most of my time swimming
#3061 to #3060 - ancano (10/21/2014) [-]
i love the water
User avatar #3062 to #3061 - actinglead (10/21/2014) [-]
same here. and that picture is from my favorite manga and anime
#3063 to #3062 - ancano (10/21/2014) [-]
haha junjou and sekaiichi are great
User avatar #3065 to #3063 - actinglead (10/21/2014) [-]
scratch that... im watching sekai
User avatar #3067 to #3066 - actinglead (10/21/2014) [-]
actually. me and my first boyfriend we really into it and where planning to cosplay as misaki(me) and usami(him) and he actually bought me a really big stuffed bear with a ribbon around its neck so i named it suzuki-san.....
college is longest time in like 4 years i have gone without cuddling with him
#3068 to #3067 - ancano (10/21/2014) [-]
only thing i don't like are the hand sizes. they offend me.
hopefully you don't feel too bad about it...
User avatar #3070 to #3068 - actinglead (10/21/2014) [-]
and yea i agree about yaoi hands
#3071 to #3069 - ancano (10/21/2014) [-]
they only have one song in the damn show
User avatar #3072 to #3071 - actinglead (10/21/2014) [-]
atleast its an okay one.
User avatar #3064 to #3063 - actinglead (10/21/2014) [-]
oh. now im watching junjou again right now because you made me have a reflex by showing me that picture
User avatar #3050 - ancano (10/19/2014) [-]
yoooooooooo
User avatar #3041 - ancano (10/16/2014) [-]
heya
User avatar #3043 to #3042 - ancano (10/16/2014) [-]
how goes the dropping of classes?
User avatar #3044 to #3043 - actinglead (10/16/2014) [-]
good i guess
User avatar #3046 to #3045 - actinglead (10/16/2014) [-]
and guess what i have to do next week....
User avatar #3047 to #3046 - ancano (10/16/2014) [-]
i dunno?
User avatar #3048 to #3047 - actinglead (10/16/2014) [-]
visiting my dying father in florida
User avatar #3049 to #3048 - ancano (10/16/2014) [-]


i mean, you should visit him though. i think, i don't know how your relationship with him is
User avatar #2990 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
feeling a bit better?
User avatar #3031 to #2990 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
but having someone there is very nice to have
User avatar #3032 to #3031 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
i mean, my life is **** enough, don't need to make it better XD
User avatar #3033 to #3032 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
but having someone gives pleasure in so many ways


get your mind out of the gutter
User avatar #3034 to #3033 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
i haven't had sex since the summer haha
User avatar #3035 to #3034 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
i said mind out of guttter
User avatar #3036 to #3035 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
i was changing the conversation
User avatar #3037 to #3036 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
well it confused me after what i said so yea
User avatar #3038 to #3037 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
i used it as a joke so i could change the conversation
User avatar #3039 to #3038 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
okay okay, well i got to go now. ttyl...

bye....
User avatar #3040 to #3039 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
ok, is everything ok?
User avatar #3011 to #2990 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
and i dont want to do sexual stuff with someone i cant be with romantically
User avatar #3012 to #3011 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
i got drunk once and did something sexual i regretted

my ex hated me for that haha
User avatar #3013 to #3012 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
i rather never be in that situation
User avatar #3014 to #3013 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
of course

so whatchaupto?
User avatar #3015 to #3014 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
depression... trying to find a boyfriend
User avatar #3016 to #3015 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
you and me both, but i know i shouldn't be looking
User avatar #3017 to #3016 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
becasue you know its good for you
User avatar #3018 to #3017 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
psychologically, maybe. but timewise i don't have any
User avatar #3019 to #3018 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
you make time to talk to me. so you could make time
User avatar #3020 to #3019 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
i talk to you while i'm working haha
User avatar #3021 to #3020 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
and you couldnt do the same thing with another person
User avatar #3022 to #3021 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
no, not really.
User avatar #3024 to #3023 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
i don't know lmao
User avatar #3025 to #3024 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
if you can do it with me you can do it with someone else.

but the person also has to be like me and is fine talking every now and then and you buing busy every now and then
User avatar #3026 to #3025 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
i'm busy all the time, i am always behind on work haha
User avatar #3027 to #3026 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
then you need someone who is like me and dosnt mind. like we only talk once every few days
User avatar #3028 to #3027 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
haha i don't know what i need
User avatar #3029 to #3028 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
i just need someone there for me
User avatar #3030 to #3029 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
i get by on mah own pretty well
User avatar #2991 to #2990 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
i hate me life sometimes
User avatar #2992 to #2991 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
i hate mine a lot more than i let on
User avatar #2993 to #2992 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
atleasst you can drink
User avatar #2994 to #2993 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
yea but you hate it when i drink
User avatar #2995 to #2994 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
well part of it is jelousy. i use to drink alot when i was younger
User avatar #2996 to #2995 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
haha i couldn't see you drunk
User avatar #2997 to #2996 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
the farthest i got was tipsy. i for one can hold my drinks.
User avatar #2998 to #2997 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
weeeeeeeeeeeeeelll i get really drunk from time to time haha
User avatar #2999 to #2998 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
i wish i could of gotten drunk.....
User avatar #3000 to #2999 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
it's a good feeling. i feel looser, I find myself more attracted to other people, I find i laugh more.
User avatar #3001 to #3000 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
i cant have any without bad stuff happening to me since im on meds. when i get off, the first thing i am going to do is getting waisted..


btw. congrats on #3000 comment
User avatar #3002 to #3001 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
i'd like to be there for that


woooooooooooo
User avatar #3003 to #3002 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
no you wouldnt. i get really slutty, which means your dick is mine
User avatar #3004 to #3003 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
Bahahahah, i get slutty too, i just never get the chance to act on it
User avatar #3005 to #3004 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
well um. i dont think we should be in the same room then... because i dont want anything to get awkward if arnt going to be anything serious
User avatar #3006 to #3005 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
haha i can control myself better than most people
User avatar #3007 to #3006 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
i cant. i will litterally pull down your pants no matter what
User avatar #3008 to #3007 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
that's hilarious you know
User avatar #3009 to #3008 - actinglead (10/15/2014) [-]
not for me
User avatar #3010 to #3009 - ancano (10/15/2014) [-]
well yea, no one likes to remember **** when they are drunk
User avatar #2937 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
hola
User avatar #2978 to #2937 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
not when i cant understand the instructions online
User avatar #2979 to #2978 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
you know what will make you happier, why are so so afraid to try?
User avatar #2980 to #2979 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
because i know i cant survive by myself. im way to scared to....

happy, are your really happy that i said it. and dont give me the bull of everyone is scared. you know i am way more scared then most people.
User avatar #2981 to #2980 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
no, no ******** here.

do you really think you are more frightened than other people? really? because some of my very mentally stable friends have come crying to me about advice over **** that they can't do because they want to change but don't know how. they are terrified of change. you aren't more scared of life than other people, you just are worse at dealing with fear. that's the summary.

you can survive by yourself when you case that fear aside even for an instant, tell yourself there is no ******* way you can fail. that's what i do, and i mask my insecurities with drugs and alcohol
User avatar #2982 to #2981 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
im just going to search for a solution to this.... maybe i can come to a deal with my mum like i could get my own place. i pay for part she pays for part, and i get a small part time job and go from there
User avatar #2983 to #2982 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
that's sounds like a great idea, my dad actually offered to do that for me a couple years ago
User avatar #2984 to #2983 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
i just going to see if i can convince my mum to let me quite college because the money is wasted anyways but my mum thinks it wont be if i finish the semester
User avatar #2985 to #2984 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
maybe part of the agreement is you finishing the semester and then quit?
User avatar #2986 to #2985 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
whats the use. i wont be motivated. ill fail all my classes. the money is wasted and will always be wasted. i dont get why i still have to be in torture if there is a better solution
User avatar #2987 to #2986 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
right, the money'll be wasted, spend the semester out of your room and trying new things? if you are gonna fail do it with style haha
User avatar #2988 to #2987 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
well i gtg now. because i have to see my doctor.and trust me, my mum wont let me fail my classes, she would kill me herself
User avatar #2989 to #2988 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]


okiedokie
User avatar #2958 to #2937 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
well i as i hate to say it.... i cant do much when i am forced to be busy with school. and i need time as well. because oviously i cant do something right away. which means i cant be in school and have to be supported for a little bit. which my mum wont allow me to do because she thinks she is right in forcing me to do this will benefit my life. but my life cannot be benefitial if im dead. and i cant really go out on my ass because im expensive. my meds alone cost atleast 50$ a month, and without good insurence or and money, i will die of mental breakdowns. i was admitied to the hospital multiple times when i wasnt on this meds, so how can i survive on my own without support
User avatar #2959 to #2958 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
tell her she has no option but to support you. SHE CANNOT FORCE YOU TO GO TO SCHOOL. that is literally not possible. it's harder than it sounds, but you certainly can
User avatar #2960 to #2959 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
im sorry, but if im out of school, im out on my ass, you see how i have no options here...... how my mother will be the death of me.... somedays i just want to die because thats the only option that will let me be.
User avatar #2961 to #2960 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
no, don't let her tell you that. you haven't even tried it yet
User avatar #2962 to #2961 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
honestly death is my way out of this hell. i cant go to school without being suicidal, i cant be on my own without dieing..... really if i just kill myself, it will bring the inevetable closer so my only option is acheived
User avatar #2963 to #2962 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
no, a permanent solution to a temporary problem isn't really the way to go and you know that
User avatar #2964 to #2963 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
but its not a temp problem
User avatar #2965 to #2964 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
it always is, it's a problem, which makes it temporary
User avatar #2966 to #2965 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
but what else can i do. my mum wont listen, she gets mad when i mention it
User avatar #2967 to #2966 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
let her be mad, that's what i'm saying
User avatar #2968 to #2967 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
but it ends worse for me when she gets mad
User avatar #2969 to #2968 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
how? what could make things worse than they are?
User avatar #2970 to #2969 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
because she jsut gets closer to kicking me out
User avatar #2971 to #2970 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
can she even legally do that in your state of mind? no, i don't think she can if you aren't mentally sound enough.
User avatar #2972 to #2971 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
she can because im 18. well she thinks she can atleast, and if she thinks she can, it wont stop her
User avatar #2973 to #2972 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
yes but the law could, if you aren't mentally sound enough and you need financial care to get along you can always apply for welfare if she kicks you out
User avatar #2974 to #2973 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
i just need help. someone to live with that can help
User avatar #2975 to #2974 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
that really won't help, you need people to talk to, not to live with and cater to your every need.
User avatar #2976 to #2975 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
im not saying cater to my every need. im saying live with people to talk to. i dont know how to apply for loans, get housing, internet or other utilities. i dont know how to do anything. getting money wont help if i dont know how to use ti
User avatar #2977 to #2976 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
learning to apply for that is an internet click away, you know?
User avatar #2938 to #2937 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
User avatar #2939 to #2938 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
uh, you doing alright?
User avatar #2940 to #2939 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
User avatar #2941 to #2940 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
you know that's not an answer -.-
User avatar #2942 to #2941 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
yes it isssssssssssssssssssss
User avatar #2943 to #2942 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
it's a guttural noise lol, void of emotion lol
User avatar #2944 to #2943 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
thats how you take it, mine has emotion in it
User avatar #2945 to #2944 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
welcome to the internet

no emtion when typing only emoji's
User avatar #2947 to #2946 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
that counts
User avatar #2948 to #2947 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
im just trying to organize my life while trapped inside of prison... i mean college. because i am not forced to be here or I am without anything out on my ass
User avatar #2949 to #2948 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
i thought you wanted college, that you craved knowledge
User avatar #2950 to #2949 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
i crave knowledge, but the work load and force and timming of college is not me. I do knowledge on my own schedual with my own work load.
User avatar #2951 to #2950 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
then college will never be for you, and that's ok. so you're being forced to deal with it, which sucks, right?
User avatar #2952 to #2951 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
im just trying to find my way out when stuck in this situation. as my mum said when i told her what i actually wanted to do. "well do your research about that but until then you will be doing something." and by something, she ment college
User avatar #2953 to #2952 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
I agree honestly. doing nothing only exacerbates depression, you need to keep busy with something that makes you think.
User avatar #2954 to #2953 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
this place does make me thing. about killing myself. I am not safe here. i agree i need something. just not my sentence
User avatar #2955 to #2954 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
but no body knows what you want to do to keep busy. Don't you see that this is the type of introspection you need to do in order to get better? no one is gonna have a place to put you if you don't know where you want to go, that's all i'm saying
User avatar #2956 to #2955 - actinglead (10/14/2014) [-]
actually what I want to do, and been wanting to do is research about oportunities. and when i had that month of time to myself last summer, i actually did that. my mum does know im very good at keeping occupied with busy work when i am bored. she still dosnt trust me though
User avatar #2957 to #2956 - ancano (10/14/2014) [-]
then, as much as i hate to say it like this. if you love it, if you want it, get a job, make money, quit school and go DO what it is you want to do.
User avatar #2909 - ancano (09/28/2014) [-]
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey
User avatar #2930 to #2909 - actinglead (09/30/2014) [-]
no no not really
User avatar #2931 to #2930 - ancano (09/30/2014) [-]
you can only fall because something pushed you, so you get back up to push back. I don't know you better than you do but i'd wager i know a decent bit and i KNOW you are better than stooping to that level
User avatar #2932 to #2931 - actinglead (09/30/2014) [-]
more like they broke my back and pushed me down so i cant get up
User avatar #2935 to #2932 - ancano (09/30/2014) [-]
i have to go to class, talk to ya later emily!
User avatar #2936 to #2935 - actinglead (09/30/2014) [-]
bye i just finished classes for the day
User avatar #2933 to #2932 - ancano (09/30/2014) [-]
no, they didn't break anything. you'd just rather it be broken and be done with it. it's not broken and you aren't done. it's easier to lie down but who wants to bow to someone else?
User avatar #2934 to #2933 - actinglead (09/30/2014) [-]
i think im just going to lay down here for a while and think this through, but while im down here
User avatar #2910 to #2909 - actinglead (09/29/2014) [-]
hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
User avatar #2911 to #2910 - ancano (09/29/2014) [-]
whaaaaaaaaaaaats upppppppppppp
User avatar #2912 to #2911 - actinglead (09/29/2014) [-]
i went home for the weekend
User avatar #2913 to #2912 - ancano (09/29/2014) [-]
how was that?

i hardly ever go home
User avatar #2914 to #2913 - actinglead (09/29/2014) [-]
it was fun. i went back to my old workplace to say hi as well
User avatar #2915 to #2914 - ancano (09/29/2014) [-]
i worked and went to a party this weekend
User avatar #2917 to #2916 - ancano (09/29/2014) [-]
sorry...
User avatar #2919 to #2918 - ancano (09/29/2014) [-]
you seem annoyed
User avatar #2920 to #2919 - actinglead (09/29/2014) [-]
other stuff is annoying me. not you.

my broken toe and torn ligament pain came back, depression came back, boyfriend broke up with me, weekend was stressful because family, and i think i failed my exam today...
User avatar #2921 to #2920 - ancano (09/29/2014) [-]
ah

yea that will do it.
User avatar #2922 to #2921 - actinglead (09/29/2014) [-]
yea. not having a fun time at college.
and im back on lowering myself to grindr and other stuff again
User avatar #2923 to #2922 - ancano (09/29/2014) [-]
you know you shouldn't do that
User avatar #2924 to #2923 - actinglead (09/30/2014) [-]
im thinking about a sugar daddy
User avatar #2925 to #2924 - ancano (09/30/2014) [-]
don't do it
User avatar #2926 to #2925 - actinglead (09/30/2014) [-]
i know i shouldnt, but that wont stop me, if im going to lower myself i should get something out of it
User avatar #2927 to #2926 - ancano (09/30/2014) [-]
how about you don't lower yourself?
User avatar #2928 to #2927 - actinglead (09/30/2014) [-]
its kinda late for that
User avatar #2929 to #2928 - ancano (09/30/2014) [-]
******** and you know it.
User avatar #2893 - ancano (09/21/2014) [-]
i'm making tons of mula this week
User avatar #2894 to #2893 - actinglead (09/21/2014) [-]
yayayay... me and my boyfriend saw a movie last night
User avatar #2895 to #2894 - ancano (09/21/2014) [-]
i is working 50 hours this week

ooooooooooooo what'dya watch?
cuddles involved?
User avatar #2896 to #2895 - actinglead (09/21/2014) [-]
oh ouch, thats alot.

and fault in our stars, but no cuddles because we were watching it at the student center theatre
User avatar #2897 to #2896 - ancano (09/21/2014) [-]
yea but at 20 bucksish an hour, it's lot's of money.

i never saw that one
i think that's better, i like holding hands in the theatre
User avatar #2898 to #2897 - actinglead (09/21/2014) [-]
we held hands the whole time. and since it is the saddest movie ive seen, i cried on his sholder
User avatar #2899 to #2898 - ancano (09/21/2014) [-]
i don't really cry haha, i think that's adorable though
User avatar #2900 to #2899 - actinglead (09/21/2014) [-]
and tis is a nice relationship because he is really unsure of whats happening and is trying to make sense of it, but really love it
User avatar #2901 to #2900 - ancano (09/21/2014) [-]
i'm happy for you. i wish i had time for a relationship

though i am hanging out with someone on my day off on tuesday
User avatar #2902 to #2901 - actinglead (09/21/2014) [-]
tell me about him
User avatar #2903 to #2902 - ancano (09/21/2014) [-]
well he's 28, we've met before, he owns his own IT company, an INTJ like me, pretty close to as smart as I am and just as hardworking. he's a top, and shorter than me, olive skin and dark hair
User avatar #2904 to #2903 - actinglead (09/21/2014) [-]
dawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
User avatar #2905 to #2904 - ancano (09/21/2014) [-]
it's not a date but i kinda like him
User avatar #2906 to #2905 - actinglead (09/21/2014) [-]
dawwww still
my and my bf are both intj and both the same hight
User avatar #2907 to #2906 - ancano (09/21/2014) [-]
i gotta write a papeh

baibai
User avatar #2908 to #2907 - actinglead (09/21/2014) [-]
byyyyyeeeeeeeeeeee
User avatar #2884 - ancano (09/13/2014) [-]
i'm a drinking :3
User avatar #2885 to #2884 - actinglead (09/13/2014) [-]
and i was on a date
User avatar #2886 to #2885 - ancano (09/13/2014) [-]
that's a win-win XD
User avatar #2887 to #2886 - actinglead (09/13/2014) [-]
and i officially have a boyfriend now and i couldnt be happier
User avatar #2888 to #2887 - ancano (09/13/2014) [-]
well i'm happiest for you
User avatar #2889 to #2888 - actinglead (09/13/2014) [-]
thank you... and he is so sweet as well
User avatar #2891 to #2889 - ancano (09/13/2014) [-]
brb gotta shower
User avatar #2890 to #2889 - ancano (09/13/2014) [-]
is this the lgbtclubguy?
User avatar #2892 to #2890 - actinglead (09/13/2014) [-]
actually that guy wanted to just stay friends, but this 'new' guy i met before the other guy and actually had a crush on since the begining of the year and he apparently liked me to so yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
User avatar #2883 - ancano (09/09/2014) [-]
statistics is the ******* most annoying class i think i've ever taken
User avatar #2872 - ancano (09/08/2014) [-]
poke
User avatar #2873 to #2872 - actinglead (09/08/2014) [-]
poke back
User avatar #2874 to #2873 - ancano (09/08/2014) [-]
poke
User avatar #2875 to #2874 - actinglead (09/08/2014) [-]
dont smudge me makeup
User avatar #2876 to #2875 - ancano (09/08/2014) [-]
poke

what's up?
User avatar #2877 to #2876 - actinglead (09/08/2014) [-]
i gotta leave in 15 mins to go to a thingy, then i have a professional thingy afterwards
User avatar #2878 to #2877 - ancano (09/08/2014) [-]
i have work soon, then my 36 hour week'll be over
User avatar #2879 to #2878 - actinglead (09/08/2014) [-]
after just 2 days/
User avatar #2880 to #2879 - ancano (09/08/2014) [-]
? nah, my week started last tuesday, it ends after my monday shift tonight
User avatar #2881 to #2880 - actinglead (09/08/2014) [-]
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
User avatar #2882 to #2881 - ancano (09/08/2014) [-]
lol
User avatar #2864 - ancano (09/05/2014) [-]
ello
User avatar #2866 to #2865 - ancano (09/05/2014) [-]
what's up
User avatar #2867 to #2866 - actinglead (09/05/2014) [-]
juat got back to my dorm from hours of lgbt stuff
User avatar #2868 to #2867 - ancano (09/05/2014) [-]
that's a lot. i couldnt be so involved
User avatar #2869 to #2868 - actinglead (09/05/2014) [-]
well when you are ******* the president...
User avatar #2870 to #2869 - ancano (09/05/2014) [-]
this person i'm interested in is mad because i don't want to hang out because i'm tired. damn, i can't do everything lol.

i mean, that doesn't mean you have to be a politician because you are ******* the president. just ask monica lewinsky
User avatar #2871 to #2870 - actinglead (09/05/2014) [-]
well it was more of a joke....
and i have an intrested in it to
but it is a time for us to spend together
plus. as the clintions
User avatar #2835 - ancano (09/04/2014) [-]
hola
User avatar #2856 to #2835 - actinglead (09/04/2014) [-]
well first, he is black. so its an easy guess.
second. i never said i was flirting back
User avatar #2857 to #2856 - ancano (09/04/2014) [-]
ew. black guys.
also, about that guess. you know i'm larger than the average black guy right? that's a pretty odd stereo type imho
User avatar #2858 to #2857 - actinglead (09/04/2014) [-]
i dont mind black guys...
and i didnt know that you were bigger
and its tecnically not a stereotype because there is face behind it
User avatar #2859 to #2858 - ancano (09/04/2014) [-]
whatever, i need to get back to work
User avatar #2861 to #2860 - ancano (09/04/2014) [-]
? i don't get your point
User avatar #2862 to #2861 - actinglead (09/04/2014) [-]
its OHIO. where we live
User avatar #2837 to #2836 - ancano (09/04/2014) [-]
how's the life going?
User avatar #2838 to #2837 - actinglead (09/04/2014) [-]
life is going good. you
User avatar #2839 to #2838 - ancano (09/04/2014) [-]
pretty AOK
my libido is shot but i wasn't looking for sex anyway
User avatar #2840 to #2839 - actinglead (09/04/2014) [-]
awww, why is that
User avatar #2841 to #2840 - ancano (09/04/2014) [-]
i don't know, sometimes i just don't feel like being around other humans. sexually or literally.
User avatar #2842 to #2841 - actinglead (09/04/2014) [-]
its okay, thats why im all the way back here at kent
User avatar #2843 to #2842 - ancano (09/04/2014) [-]
lol
User avatar #2844 to #2843 - actinglead (09/04/2014) [-]
but atlwast you are doing well
User avatar #2845 to #2844 - ancano (09/04/2014) [-]
oh yea school is where i thrive
User avatar #2846 to #2845 - actinglead (09/04/2014) [-]
yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayay
User avatar #2847 to #2846 - ancano (09/04/2014) [-]
although soon i (hopefully) will be working an extra 30 hours with school, so we'll see how i do with that
User avatar #2848 to #2847 - actinglead (09/04/2014) [-]
um... it is your death
User avatar #2849 to #2848 - ancano (09/04/2014) [-]
nah, i know i can do it. i'm good like that
User avatar #2850 to #2849 - actinglead (09/04/2014) [-]
okay...
User avatar #2851 to #2850 - ancano (09/04/2014) [-]
what?
User avatar #2852 to #2851 - actinglead (09/04/2014) [-]
nothing.
User avatar #2853 to #2852 - ancano (09/04/2014) [-]
you sure?
User avatar #2854 to #2853 - actinglead (09/04/2014) [-]
yea....

and another guy is flirting with me....
and he might have a bigger dick then you
User avatar #2855 to #2854 - ancano (09/04/2014) [-]
i personally think that dicks bigger than mine are really too big. mine is pushing it. is it still flirting if you are guessing his dick size?
User avatar #2829 - ancano (09/02/2014) [-]
pumpkin coffee makes me happy
User avatar #2830 to #2829 - actinglead (09/02/2014) [-]
thats good. and my class ended early today
User avatar #2831 to #2830 - ancano (09/02/2014) [-]
i had a jerb interveiw
User avatar #2832 to #2831 - actinglead (09/02/2014) [-]
how did it go
User avatar #2833 to #2832 - ancano (09/02/2014) [-]
well there are two applicants, i'm hopeful though.
User avatar #2834 to #2833 - actinglead (09/02/2014) [-]
oh... good luck
User avatar #2815 - ancano (09/01/2014) [-]
hiya
User avatar #2816 to #2815 - actinglead (09/01/2014) [-]
hiiiiiiiii
User avatar #2817 to #2816 - ancano (09/01/2014) [-]
how's life?
User avatar #2818 to #2817 - actinglead (09/01/2014) [-]
average. slept at a guys house last night :3
User avatar #2819 to #2818 - ancano (09/01/2014) [-]
you didn't do anything did ya?
User avatar #2820 to #2819 - actinglead (09/01/2014) [-]
he kinda jacked me off
User avatar #2821 to #2820 - ancano (09/01/2014) [-]
eh, that's not really serious lol
User avatar #2822 to #2821 - actinglead (09/01/2014) [-]
he left his condoms in the gay pride office so yea. thats why
User avatar #2823 to #2822 - ancano (09/01/2014) [-]
i haven't ever used a condom
User avatar #2824 to #2823 - actinglead (09/01/2014) [-]
i havent office, but he kinda has a reputation of being the president of the gay club so yea....
User avatar #2825 to #2824 - ancano (09/01/2014) [-]
the condoms most people carry don't fit me, i recently got properly sized ones though
hard to keep it hard in them
User avatar #2826 to #2825 - actinglead (09/01/2014) [-]
oh. lol. i forgot your hung
User avatar #2827 to #2826 - ancano (09/01/2014) [-]
yea, sometimes mine just really isn't sensitive because of it's size -.-
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